Hey all,
I'm 21 and relatively new to sex. Ever since my boyfriend and I lost our virginitys to one another, he has experienced some troubles with erections. It first started off as not being able to achieve one and then those troubles went away. Now we have the problem that the erection just won't last. He will be perfectly fine and then it will just go away in the middle of making love. He's 20 years old, doesn't smoke or drink. He's in great physical shape. He did talk to a doctor about it but the only thing the Dr. could offer was that it was most likely just nerves or performance anxiety. He convinced that he's no longer nervous because we've been able to have great sex. I'm looking for advice because everytime this problems occurs, it does put quite a damper on our moods and of course, he feels embarassed. How can we work on this and how can I make sure this doesn't negatively affect our sex lives?
Thanks!
kc115
Posted: 30 Sep 03:13
Perhaps a second medical opinion may help. In the meantime, the next this happens go down on him. That helps keep the mood up and the surprise may help him over the psychological barrier. At the very least he will know that he is not a disappointment to you. In short, you are part of the mood damper; do not be.
Brandye
Posted: 30 Sep 03:14
I really suggest you speak to him. He really could be stressing about something. Maybe you could help him. A lot of guys are raised to neglect their feelings because men dont cry and should hold it in and be tough. That causes a lot of strain in young men and even through their adulthood.
CollierAlda1
Posted: 30 Sep 03:14
> > the next this happens go down on him. That helps keep the mood up and the surprise may help him over the psychological barrier.
While he may continue to have a problem with Performance Anxiety, more than likely the two of you are not "making love" properly. Too many young people nowadays have the misguided misconception that once an erection subsides, love making is over. :mad: Not So!! :cool:
PA not a factor, why would an erection go away? More often than not it is because the couple do not continue to stimulate each other continually. Doing so will almost certainly maintain an erection; yet, what if it doesn't. DO NOT give up. Fall back, pause, and then begin anew to rebuild his level of arousal. Women often report that watching a penis grow while responding to what she is doing is very satisfying. Think of it, you have control over his responses. :) Now, let's take this a step farther; think of his penis as a combination brake and accelerator governing his excitement and arousal. What power you can wield! :D You tease him by alternating between building his level of excitement, tension, and arousal--and then pausing, letting him slide back down his arousal curve. Just do not do this for too long or he will become frustrated and mad. A little is OK.
Question: Are the two of you engaging in intercourse, or, are you stopping short with Foreplay {h/j and/or b/j)? If and when the time comes for intercourse, he should not enter until you are ready (read: at the brink of an orgasm) and he is at the point of no return, yet still able to maintain some self control in order to move around and get into position. Another misconception guys have is that the best path to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking. Wrong.
> How can we work on this and how can I make sure this doesn't negatively affect our sex lives?
One way is to understand that making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together. Talk to each other, and, give each other feedback. To learn more about developing better skills, please find the Index at the top of the main page and read each and every article, together or independently. Next, discuss what has been learned and then add the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering!
You will find even more information by clicking on the site's Home Page.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
dancingdoc2
Posted: 30 Sep 03:14
oh wow do i remember those days! Same happened with me a few years ago. There were a few things that helped us along in the end. One of the things that helped us was the sex pills. Yeah I know most people may say nay or that they don’t work but they worked for us and made him feel better because he could keep his hard on and it made him so much happier. Also whenever it did happen I made sure we continued with the foreplay and making out like nothing had happened. It made him feel better because we didn’t acknowledge what had happened. It’s not ignoring the situation, it’s just making it seem like it’s not a huge deal, because if we make it seem that way it takes a hit on his pride and that NEVER goes well
FetishKitty
Posted: 30 Sep 03:14
