Forums » Married » We both cheated... now he say's he can't trust me?!?!

OP: We both cheated... now he say's he can't trust me?!?!

Hello all. I am just so confused right now. My relationship with my bf has been a rocky one it seems. I told you all that he found out I had cheated on him and I found out he cheated on me. He has continued to use his resources to go through my cell phone records, text, internet activity and other things. He has never given me any of his records. He contacted the man I cheated on him with, asked him questions, and now he tells me I am a b$#@, he will never trust me, never marry me, wish he could take my child from me because I am so messed up that I will screw my kid's life up as well. I know, what I did was terrible.

When everything came out, he told me to be honest, put it all on the table. I just wasn't woman enough to do it. I felt like my lying was protecting our relationship, what we had built and the potential we had. I did not want to ruin it, after all, this is the man I wanted to be with forever. I can admit that I have self esteem issues, but he is the only one I ever wanted. He told me I was unattractive, a loser, will never be anything at all.

I really dont understand how is it that we both cheated, but I am the bad one, how he said he wanted to work it out and start anew but has been treating me badly ever since. I am trying to make sense of it all. It hurts because I know if I hadn't done what I did, we would be in a different place right now.

I see now what cheating and lying does to a relationship. I don't know what to do, I can't imagine living without him even though I know I broke his heart. I just need some suggestions or advice, it all hurts so bad.

We invested so many yrs. He said that he has gotten women gifts like flowers but never me because he knew I was not worthy and never to be trusted.

MissCarmen

Posted: 06 Oct 19:51

Replies:

> He said he was dating down by dating me and that he gave me pride. He called me all kinds of whores, bitches, tramps, nasty, you name it. He said I deceived him.

The quote above is taken from an earlier post of yours.. This is apparently the same guy ?

Honestly you need to get as far away from him as possible, and get professional help for this very very low self esteem... unless you want to end up as a battered wife..or worse

A lot of us have invested a lot of years in relationships only to have them turn out to be a living nightmare. and barely getting out of it with our lives and sanity..

Open your eyes see that this is a destructive relationship and move on this guy is a "mind fucker" (for lack of a better word sorry) and a threat to you and your child.

nuttychick

Posted: 06 Oct 19:52


Yeah he tells me my self esteem and self worth is so low and that I am so depressed that I can't see how much he loved and cared for me. He told me the reason why I cheated on him and everything was because I have no self esteem. I know I did a horrible, horrible thing.

He talked to the guy I cheated with and the guy isn't even being honest about what happened but he believes him over me. He said I am a nasty bitch and all I do is lie. I did not want to be honest about it, things were getting better between us before he found out.

He also talked really bad about my body and said my vagina is so large he could fist me.

MissCarmen

Posted: 06 Oct 19:52


ENOUGH

Time for you to WISE UP and get you and your child OUT of this foul creep's life!!!! YOU WERE NEVER MARRIED TO HIM SO IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CHEAT ON HIM PERIOD> Do not make me have to tell you this again. If a man wants exclusivity, he damn well better be prepared to marry you to get it. Otherwise he's just a toy you play with.

You are the bad one here BECAUSE YOU LET HIM make you the bad one. Seems this lout thinks guys can do whatever they please but a woman has to be a NUN. To Hell with that. If he wants loyalty then he has to EARN it.

GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY and PLEASE learn to show our palm to him and say "talk to the hand little boy". HE'S the reason you're a "loser". So DITCH HIM - HARD AND FAST.

LEARN from this experience - NEVER get with insecure little bully boys ever again. Grown men worth your time do NOT behave this way. No, you will not ruin your child. You will leave this man, not looking back, and you will build a happy and useful - satisfying life with your child in a home filled with LOVE - real, gentle abiding love.

DO IT. DO IT NOW!

Honestly, I fail to see why we grow girls and women WITHOUT SPINES.

Yet they continue to believe romantic nonsense and believe these users instead of women who have been there/done that or women like me to whom men are always very respectful.

NOTE: to all you petty tyrants out there - you have to sleep sometime.

Don't say a word, gather up all money, all cell phones, all keys, all statements, all address books, take the child and go QUICKLY without saying a word to anyone to the nearest Women's Shelter.
No notes, No goodbyes. Just vanish.

Then you can get on building a new life elsewhere.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 06 Oct 19:53


> Yeah he tells me my self esteem and self worth is so low and that I am so depressed that I can't see how much he loved and cared for me. He told me the reason why I cheated on him and everything was because I have no self esteem. I know I did a horrible, horrible thing.

Blah blah Those words are so familiar. are you sure this isn't my EX you are talking about?
Only difference was I never cheated.. he did of course numerous times.. Infact Apparently I even gave birth to my "on the side lover's" baby ..:eek:

Of course you have no self esteem he has taken that from you.. and will keep taking it if you don't stop this now

Get out now.. as EEK say's the Woman's Shelter is the best place to go.

nuttychick

Posted: 06 Oct 19:53


I agree!! Leave and do it now. Not only for you, but for the emotional well being of your child.

Newwife

Posted: 06 Oct 19:54


Why, oh why, are you still around this abusive jerk?

Brandye

Posted: 06 Oct 19:54


BTW you didn't 'cheat' because you have low self-esteem, you were trying to find some affection which this scrophulous offal-eating toad you call your bf wasn't giving you. You CAN do this. You can simply take everything and walk away.

YOU OWE THIS MAN NOTHING

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 06 Oct 19:54


For as long as you stay in a relationship with him, he's right.

Your self esteem will be low, you'll feel horrible, and you'll never have confidence. Get out from under his thumb, break contact, and build a new and empowering life away from him.

Rouge

Posted: 06 Oct 19:54




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