A) You are insecure and lack self confidence.
B) You have an issue with trust.
As for B), in order to get a relationship started, you must give a bit and watch what the other person does with it. Trust is then deepened by earning it. If the person using the trust does not do anything to break it, then there is nothing to worry about, unless or until.
C) An operating aspect of a relationship is "Implied Consent". We operate and move forward until the other person says or indicates you have gone far enough. This is how sex works, also, except that the woman also sets the boundaries and can advance them at any time.
D) A successful relationship is a cooperative venture in which two autonomous adults choose to join forces for the common good and to become greater than the sum of their parts. If the relationship is successful, trust is then something we do not have to worry about until it is broken--so don't.
E) Because relationships are cooperative partnerships in which the two parties involved are there by choice, worrying unnecessarily is counter productive, futile, and ultimately potentially destructive.
You cannot control each other nor should you try.
F) > she isn't very good at keeping her promises. I know this isn't right but I have confidence she will change.
The poof is in the behavior. She can promise anything; it is what she does that matters. Do you have confidence or is this simply a case of wishful thinking?
G) > I get mad when she doesn't call me for some reason.. Of course this is when she says she will and never does, but still.
If this is an ongoing pattern then I recommend talking to her about this. If she has sporadic laps then I would not become upset over them. People do become busy, sidetracked, or are forgetful. If she says she will do something and does not, getting mad is not an appropriate response until after you learn why she did not do something. Communication is key to a successful relationship. If she does not do something she says she will, do not get mad until you know the facts. Do not assume facts not in evidence--as the lawyer said in the courtroom.
Help her to recognize that her behavior is troubling, disconcerting, and, making it difficult to count on her. Help her to become more dependable.
Lastly, only you can decide to not be insecure, jealous, and mad. If she is going to stray, she will stray, and no amount of checking up on her, following her around, asking for a minute by minute accounting of her daily activities, is going to help. You must begin relying upon Implied consent, the fact that she is in the relationship because she wants to be therefore is not going to do anything to harm it or you. If the relationship is meeting each of your needs, then move forward under the assumption that you have her consent by implication. If anything, your actions and behaviors will place the relationship in danger sooner than what you worry she might be doing and is not. Work on yourself, not her, except as noted.
Posted: 06 Oct 23:19