Met a perfect guy... minus his micro penis...
I am currently dating a really nice guy. He cares about me and makes me laugh, and for the first time in a while I see this relationship going somewhere. We met due to the kinky nature of both ourselves...he turns me on so much and I really like the relationship dynamic we have.
We have not yet had sex though we have done most other things. And they were hot...mainly.
...to be honest...I kind of knew he would not be well endowed. I knew he was small, though I did not know how much, and hoped not on the micro penis kind of scale. Early in the relationship...when I had explained I did not think I could do exclusivity I slept with an old fwb; I knew I needed to tell him, and I did...it broke him. I think he is insecure about his size (which I did not know what size...I'm thinking about 3 inches semi hard..) and that is why he was so worried, he did not want to loose me because of it. We have also put off sex...and I think he has done this for the same reason...he is worried how I will react...
I know size isn't the be all and end all...but at the same time, I feel a certain size is kind of neccersary too...I like sex. I like that feeling of fullness. I don't think it helps that the last guy I slept with was...wohh...wtf sorta big. At least 8 inches, maybe 9....so the shortcomings are even more exaggerated...
But sexually....there is soo much we have discussed. We both have similar fantasies and have talked about them. Some...penis size would really not matter at all. Some...ravishment...being taken and forced and desired....penis size does kind of matter.
I know this sounds mean...but I suppose I have two questions I need to work through...firstly...is it a deal breaker. And honestly...it is not ideal...but I don't think it is. He is kind, and funny, and I still really want him. And I'm happy...so does it matter? ...it has been a deal breaker in the past...but amoungst other negative things too
Secondly...if I go for this, I need to be with him. I know he is probably nervous. i think he would probably of been a bit bigger...but slef conscious about how I would react probably had an impact on his size. I want to get him there..so he is confident. Maybe I should talk with him about it, and say how important he is, and how good other things are to bring out his confidence. I cannot lie though...it does matter a little :( I do wish he wasn't :( .....I also love giving head. I like love it. I love choking and face fucking and...if I'm honest...it was such a turn off to go down on him. I know that is bad...and I tried to let not it show and go to town as I normally would...but it did turn me off.. :( As I said...I feel he was nervous...I think he would of been bigger when fully erect...I kind of hope alot, and it's just a confidence thing....but I really don't think it will be that much..
Has anyone been on the giving /receiving end of a similar situation? How can I give him confidense so he can be fully erect? How can I alter how I am thinking so I am not being turned off when going down? Any other tips? I know he would be comfortable using toys...but god i love that hot, messy, pasisionate FILLING sex. :( Any other advice? I do not need a monster cock but...3 inches... :/
springfever
Replies:
Are you asking us if you should even love him, or if you should not feel bad for wanting "big" or even "average"?
My wife and I have a stark difference in our sexual needs. Obviously from me frequenting a sex related website, I have a high drive, while my wife's is very tame. But here's the thing, even if we could never ever have sex again, whether medically, psychologically, physically, or horrible bike accident, we would still love each other. Our love and family and relationship is not solely determined by sex. Sex is an "extra benefit" I guess you would say. One that draws us together and binds us, yet we are already bound in love, so sex is just a reminder.
Now, as for you. What is it you like about sex? Do you enjoy hands? Mouths? Objects? Just sizable penises? There are 1000's and 1000's of ways to have an orgasm, especially for women. You can do tantric stuff, and S&M stuff, and loving stuff. Oral stuff, exhibition stuff, phone stuff. You can masturbate for your man, give him a show. Many people on here can think of many more things, because I'm just one man, and we have very little brains. ;)
What I see you doing in your post is fixate on only the things he can't do. I'm not going to get into all the maths about inches deep of vaginas for pleasure and all that. I think all of that is different per person, and obviously every women has a different idea of what "full" means. But you can't only think about longing for the sole things he can't do. My wife wants nothing to do with anal anything, but I don't label her as a failure of a lover just because that's what I think I need.
If anything, think about the stuff that he can do just as fine and dandy as any other man. Like giving head for example. I could have a 14" penis but that doesn't make my tongue work better than his. Penis size is irrelevant for so many sex things other than a small few. A feeling of fullness, or a bumped cervix. And even that last one only matters to some. But there are ways around fullness even. For example, get a set of like the Lelo Luna balls, and stick them in before sex. I'm sure there are many other products that can do the same.
You also need to think of the things that a small penis can do that a big one can't. For example, even with an average size you can't always just randomly thrust in unannounced. Or if you like anal especially you can't just take off from 0 to 100mph. But he could. Your ravishment one especially I would thing small size would be better, unless you're specifically looking for the "pain" of a forced entry.
So I guess in the end, If this is someone you want to be with, quit torturing yourself thinking of everything he can't do, and spend your time thinking of all the things he can.
Firmus
Whatever the size, the important question is: does the penis function as designed?
"Normal" is a range and is tied to a man's ethnicity. Black men generally come equipped with longer/larger endowments. Members of Mongoloid stock native to many countries generally have smaller Caucasian men tend to sport a size between these two extremes.
Relationships should be partnerships. Communication between partners is essential. Regardless of prior experiences, all new relationships have a "Square One" from which to begin. Explore and learn together.
Sexual positions are an important aspect of your situation. Please click on the site's Home Page and go to the sexual positions page. There are many, each illustrated and animated. The two of you should be able to find more than one that will accommodate the two of you.
-doc
dancingdoc2
"quit torturing yourself thinking of everything he can't do, and spend your time thinking of all the things he can."
Exactly! :)
And think about this interesting fact: studies show that women with partners who have micro-penises, actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than women with partners who have average, large or larger penises. Why? To quote Dan Savage: "Because their husbands aren't like: it's all about my dick and your twat; and that should be enough for you. They're like: I've got thumbs!" ;)
RedRoses
Thank you for the responses..I feel in my babbling I may not have been clear enough in the question at hand.
My first, only I can really decide, is is the relationship's value outwheying my honest dissapointment in size. I fully understand sex contains more than just penetration...we are otherwise very sexually suited, and this is why I am thinking we have soo much going, that I would not break off for this point. But, I also understand size is not everything, I have had amazing sex with smaller than average...he is not just a little smaller than average though...I mean maybe 3 inches long 3 inches diameter..
This being my conclusion....I can tell it bothers him. He is dominant and I know he wants to be so with me....but I feel he is scared of loosing me due to it, or me not enjoying or something. I think if he was more confident he would actually get fully hard and bigger. How do I give him that confidence? Praise? Time? Talking to him about doubts he may have? I know it must be an issue for him and I do not want to make it worse by addressing in the wrong way, or being insensitive. I really like this guy and honestly really want him to fuck me....but his fears are holding him back I feel :/
And yes...we have shared many fantasies...and with ravishment...part is in the pain. The being taken. I wonder weather a penis extender may be possible to use in some fantasies in the future, but I am unfamiliar with these, and again would not want to offend or become a regular thing.Has anyone tried them? Can the guy still fell pleasure? What are they like?
I just want that beautiful moment of making love. I know he would be comfortable with using toys on me, but I want it with him. I want him to be hard for me x
springfever
You have some wonderful comments from out Board colleagues. At three inches, he is borderline micro-penis which is defined as two standard deviations below the mean (average) of all penis measured in a sample size. I can absolutely assure that he is bothered by his size. Anything you say can make that self-doubt even greater. Your expectations may also be unrealistic. You mention a friend being eight or nine inches and that is not likely. Very few of us have experienced an erect penis outside the range of three to five inches. Against that backdrop, seven seems huge.
Either you or one of your posters has mentioned all the key points. If he is capable of ejaculation, he is capable of making you pregnant. A family is not out of the question. There are some sensations that he will not give you. There are others that will surprise you. You like the unusual nature of your relationship. His penis size is part of that. If you really want to bolster his self-confidence, give him another blowjob and then emphasize that you want his next ejaculation to be inside you. The do all you can to capture it where it "belongs." And, thank him for whatever happens. A step at a time whilst you sort out how important it is that he makes you feel full, physically.
I know women who would not be bothered at all by this; I know others for whom this would be unacceptable. Neither is right nor wrong but merely emphasizes that as women we are different in our needs and our preferences. Perhaps you, individually, should seek out a female sex therapist and get some help sorting this out.
Brandye
He's dominant and yet lack confidence??? Really. Well, you opened your big mouth ("Early in the relationship...when I had explained I did not think I could do exclusivity I slept with an old fwb; I knew I needed to tell him, and I did...it broke him.") and kicked him in the teeth didn't you? It is about time you learned to keep your mouth shut. You're not married to him and until you are what you do on your own time is none of his business.
But what REALLY gets my goat is that you think 'the penis makes the man' which is just like saying 'the tits make the woman'. We are all more than just our parts. Stop focusing on the size or his penis, please and FOCUS UPON THE MAN - ALL of him. Doing anything else is an INSULT.
And if you think handing him a 'penis extension toy' would somehow help - you're DEAD WRONG. That would be another kick in the teeth and he'd be well within his rights to kick you to the curb.
FOCUS on HIM and what he CAN do. Then let the rest go.
EvilEvilKitten