OP: Bad first time

I'm 16 and lost my virginity a few weeks ago. I feel horrible about it. I was drinking at a party and got it on with a guy from school. We were fooling around naked and I told him I wouldn't have sex. He told me he wouldn't put it in and just wanted to mess around a bit. I only wanted to do oral, but he kept on trying and trying for sex. I should have just stopped, but once it happened I guess I kind of went with it. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. How do I get over it?

Posted: 17 Aug 19:36


Losing your virginity is a rite of passage, an event that's tinged with nervousness and excitement. Making the choice to be that intimate requires a great deal of trust in your sexual partner, and above all else, mutual respect. When you sleep with someone who doesn't pay heed to your boundaries, especially your first time, the trauma can having a lasting effect on many aspects of your life.

When your lover doesn't value your limits - or outright ignores them - it's easy to fall victim to pressure and perform acts that you aren't comfortable with. This is even more the case when you're inexperienced sexually. The after effects can leave behind all sorts of conflicting emotions: regret, shame, and a sense of powerlessness. Self-worth is put in jeopardy, and second guessing becomes second nature.

Is a bad first time going to change how you have sex later in life? Definitely. But the good news is that it doesn't have to be negative! You now know the psychological pain of a horrible sexual experience, definitely something you want to avoid feeling again. Now you need to focus on having a first good time, the next time; when you are ready – not when someone else is! Then it can be the time you always hoped you'd have, achieved by making empowered choices about your sexuality, as well as how you select partners in the future.

Maintaining healthy boundaries with others will be a saving grace throughout your life. They allow you to feel secure about your choices and interact safely with others. Work on recognizing your needs, feelings, and opinions. Respect what's important to you and practice asserting those things. Take care of yourself. As you come across people who want more than you are willing to give, it will be easier for you to say no, instead of compromising yourself to go along with their overreaching behavior.

Overcoming the pain from a distressing event is different for everyone. Sometimes it will drag on in long stretches; other times, your healing will progress in leaps and bounds. The point is, you can move forward from a negative experience to enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship, one that is utterly and completely on your terms - if you avoid confusing the past with your future.

Posted: 17 Aug 19:36

It’s ok

Posted: 12 Apr 11:56

It's okay, most first times are not as we expect them, the wrong time or wrong guy.
From a female view, I can still well recall my first time, I'm mid 20s now and was 16 then. There were some similarities between you and I. I'm sure now you realize you wee nude fooling around, and willing to give him a bj in stead of sex as most of would in that situation.
My bf And I in HS, him and I were intimate in that there was lots of serious making out, fondling each other, and me jerking him of at times, from about age 15. Then started the grinding (dry humping) as some call it. Setting in his lap in my school skirt lol, sometimes pantie off so I could feel him and make it good for him. One of those heated make outs, we had several beers. I'm Basically on top of him on the couch, no pantie on grinding away as we kissed. Him only in his jockies which he had moved down to put his penis upwards. Luckily he came, and soon it was hard again as we kissed. Now he wanted to put it in just a lil-bit between the lips he said. So after takeing his jockies off I laid on him and let him, it felt good!! Him moving it around and I'm soaked. When he tried putting it in I would move, says no no. We stopped at one point, had another beer. He knew my sister would be home soon so we wet back to our old position quickly. Again he tried putting it in, so I agreed "but not all the way" I said lol. But like your situation I let it slip in more and more, him pushing upward several times holding my butt. When he pushed me upwards guiding me to sit up on him, I felt IT and knew he was completely in me. So I went with it, as you said. Letting him guide me to move, and I just started grinding as we did without him in me lol. Scary, yes. Knowing we had No protection I kept reminding him to tell me if he was going to cum. That didn't happen in time, although he thought he had told me in time pushing me back, but when I went to pee I knew some was in me. Days later I had my period, then it was a lot of sex, almost daily when we could. ... So every girl has a story and we always remember the first time good or bad, unlike guys. So don't let that be a defining moment in your sex life.

Posted: 08 Nov 17:57

sex gets better as you get more experience.
Just have to practice loads!

Posted: 25 Nov 12:50

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