My wife and I went throught this, and the most important thing you have to remember is to take responsibility for yourself, because chances are it's not just your husbands fault. He has his perspective on this too.
Many times the sweet touches and small things he used to do stop in response to something you may or may not be doing, especially with kids.
I completely stopped hugging or caressing my wife, because of the way I was or was not being treated. I told my wife, "there is no room in this marriage for me" because everything was about her, her needs, etc. Every time I tried to communicate or complain about something, it got tuned around on me, so I finally stopped communicating.
It takes a very special marriage councelor to make it work, and you may not find the right one the first time out.
We went because my wife thought I was the one who needed fixing. As it turns out, although we had communication problems, she had many issues she needed to deal with with regards to her relationships with men.
It is difficult, and many times we went home not speaking to each other because we were "digesting".
The councelor also brought the children in, because she wanted to know what the dynamics were from their perspective. The councelor used very passive techniques with the children to get their point of view, (assembling figures in a doll house, drawing pictures, etc).This was a real eye opener to my wife in terms of how the children saw us.
Long story short, we finished our family counceling, and my wife has since been going to counceling alone to deal with her issues. We have rules about comminucating, the best one is that if one of us wants to complain, the other cannot use that same conversation to voice a complaint, which forces that person to HEAR the other.
It's not that men are lousy communicators - look how easily they communicate with each other. It's just that they communicate differently than women.
Posted: 06 Oct 22:36