Forums » General » Should I tell my bf I have a gf? What's a general rule,if any?

OP: Should I tell my bf I have a gf? What's a general rule,if any?

I'm not Bi I feel. I've only been with this one girl, my bff since high school, the same with her. It's not a regular thing, like if it happens, it happens. Very spontaneous.
My bf of two years does not know, but my gfs bf does. My bf is open minded in most social situations. He has dropped hints about the idea of a three way. I didn't respond, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's kinda conservative in his thinking so that was my reason. Yes I've had a threeway with my bff and my first bf in college. We were suppose to have a threeway with her current boyfriend for his birthday a few years ago but we got him sooo drunk, however he still thinks we did it. Just some back story, not that it's going to happen.
Just wondering if and how I should tell my bf? Sometimes I can't figure his mindset.

Posted: 18 May 13:41

Replies:

My vote leans towards the yes side... If you guys have agreed to be exclusive, not being exclusive is exposing him to possible health risks that I would argue he has every right to be aware of.

If I was told up front, I'd probably be excited about it. Finding out afterwards would make me lean towards not being able to trust you with my health. The longer it went on behind my back, the less I'd be able to trust you going forward.

Trust is delicate... and a key ingredient to a successful relationship - along with open communication.

If the 3-way that's not going to happen is with the other guy, a 3-way with your bf could work.

Posted: 24 May 16:02


Your right, trust is a big deal in a relationship. I've been with my bf (off and on) for two years. The 3way comment was meant for my bf, and my gfs bf, who has also made the suggestion. He knows our relationship is sexual.

My bf, we're too off n on, so I question being open about this with him. My relationship with her didn't just start. Our first time was in HS. So I don't feel like I'm cheating on him. Only her and I know when where and how our relationship started. My First bf through HS and freshman year of college would have a good idea, we had done it a few times with him.

Posted: 25 May 15:30


If he is under the impression that you're in an exclusive relationship, which it seems it must be by your description, and you are having sexual relations with someone else, that is by definition cheating. Whether you feel like it is or it isn't makes no difference. This is something that falls under his perspective, not your own.

Whether you're off and on doesn't really make a difference... neither does when the other relationship started. The key point is that your actions carry risks to his health.

If you want to maintain sexual relationship with more than one person, I strongly believe all people involved have a right to know what's happening. Not doing so is taking away their ability to decide whether or not continuing a relationship with you is worth the risks associated... and with the rate at which some stds/stis are spreading, people really need to start communicating more.

What does having threesomes with your first BF, and the conditions under which your relationship with her, have to do with this?

Posted: 25 May 17:05




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