OP: For anyone struggling... my story
Before you read this, please don't start hating on me because I decided to share my story. I simply want to try and help, and this just came to me suddenly. (if someone can add some useful information, please do)
first off, a bit about myself
I won't give you my name, so just call me Calliton
I am 18, a senior in high school, and an oddball. I go to a christian school, listen to heavy metal (Black sabbath, Metallica, Iron Maiden. All the good stuff) I am a first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, an avid air-softer, a weapons collector, and a reptile/spider lover.
I don't fit in too well at my school. I have the longest hair of any guy (or two guys combined) at my school. I have a long distance relationship, and I highly disagree with a lot of the BS my school puts out.
I am a virgin with both men and women, and hope to stay a virgin with women until my girlfriend decides she wants to go that far. I hope to lose my virginity with a man this summer (fingers crossed).
now for my words of semi-wisdom
Recently I have come to accept, fully, my being bi-sexual. This has been a tough thing for me to accept. I have spent the last few months truly struggling with these feelings. These month have been tough due to this internal struggle. My struggle has been difficult, more so than some, due to one big factor. I go to a Christian school.
My whole life I have been conditioned to be afraid of homosexuality in any form (homophobic). I never hated gays, but I had the philosophy of "Keep your dick away from me and we will all get along."
I spent years simply thinking my still growing feelings were just my mind being... my mind (I have an odd mind in my skull) and just ruled off my arousal by the male body as something I dubbed "sympathy horny". I had thought I was turned on by an aroused man because I knew what that feeling was like. That was a few years ago, and now that I am 18 and maturing sexually, I have realized that these feelings are more than being "sympathy horny". I wanted to feel another man's penis in my hands, my mouth, and even my ass. The last one is more personal to me than you might thing, since I was born without an asshole (insert joke here) This is a real medical condition, and I have been fixed (I was given a colostomy for a year then my digestive track was completed).
At this point I was afraid. I had grown up afraid of the "faggots" and I was just in fear for a while. I ignored my urges, I ignored my thoughts, and I filled my mind with titties (mmmm... titties). Eventually I started to talk with a few people. I talked with my girlfriend, who happens to be bi (i was more afraid of male gays, I have always dug lesbians to some degree) I talked to a couple old friends I found out were bi. While talking to one she said something along the lines of "Having you talk to any of my bi male friends would be an insult to them. You are probably feeling this way because your life is boring." she all around gave me a hard time about all this, and I wavered in who I thought I was.
Eventually I sat down and said to myself "Self, what do you like?" My answer both frightened, and enlightened me. I said back to myself "I like tits. I like pussy, I like cocks. I like human beings." I had discovered my sexuality and begun to accept it.
It took a few more weeks before I found this place. I read around, asked questions, and begun to grow. I am still growing, but I have finally accepted my sexuality 100%. I won't be telling anyone at my school anytime soon, but I have accepted it. I have pleasured myself to pictures of men in sexual acts alone or with each other before. I have tasted my own cum regularly (An acquired taste for sure) and I want to seriously experiment to see if I am right in these feelings.
I know there are people struggling with their sexuality, and I have something a friend once said that I shall say to you "You are who you are and you like what you like."
I know someone here is probably gonna say "We already have this here *link*" or "That's a great story, but how does it apply to me?" I know my little story isn't all encompasing, but I do know that a collection of them can help a person. So please, share your struggle (or lack thereof).
With a big goofy smile
p.s. shaved down there for the first time. I now understand why women do it, very comfortable!
Posted: 30 Sep 08:04