OP: Can't orgasm with him!

It is important to know and understand that we do not give orgasms away to our partner. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can do is to help them achieve it. To do this we must learn to mimic their specific technique of motions, rhythms, and pressure that is unique to them. In addition, we must provide verbal and/or non-verbal feedback to our partner on how we are responding to their caresses, and, for what we may need, now.

Every male and female of the species has millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and other organs, a pleasure center in the brain, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals back and forth. Unfortunately Mother Nature plays a mischievious trick on us by not "connecting the dots". We must establish the connections through practice. Boys do this almost matter-of-factly right out of puberty and quickly develop a routine for how they will do this pretty much the rest of their lives. Girls on the other hand either do not learn to masturbate as early, if at all. The process of making the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic being requires a more conscious and concerted effort.

Using a vibrator to build one's level of arousal is not bad, done in moderation. If you use one, I recommend putting it away for the time being. The reason is because it generates intense sensations that condition our nervous system to only be responsive to those levels. You need to be able to train your body and mind to become aroused from the much less intense stimulations of a finger, first and foremost.

You can do this by undertaking a daily set of exercises in which you learn to pleasure yourself at times when you are not tired, preoccupied with other thoughts or obligations, and, when the house is quiet and you will not be disturbed. You should do the exercise once or twice a day depending upon how you feel about it.

Begin by letting your hands roam your body with a sense of timelessness. Stroke your hair, your neck, shoulders, arms, chest (not your breasts), abdomen, legs, thighs, small of the back, buttocks, and any other place you can reach. Your objectives are to learn what feels good where and when, and then to caress yourself there at those times in order to build your level of sexual excitement, tension, and anticipation.

After building your arousal to a high degree just from your caresses, you can then move on to include your breasts, pubic mound (mons) and later, your vulva and its associated pieces-parts.

In time you will learn how much of a contribution breast play adds to your arousal. Some women enjoy nipple play right up to the trigger point of an orgasm and beyond; others enjoy it up to the brink of an orgasm and find any more stimulation beyond this point very distracting. Learn what works for you.

The same goes for your genitals. One place to begin is by letting your fingers roam from your abdomen downward, or from your thighs. Finger your pubic hair, scratch or massage your pubic mound; and then, move on to the labia majora and minora. Include the clitoris later and indirectly at first until your level of arousal begins to peak. Massage, kneed, and gently tug on the lips and then move closer to the clitoris. You have options depending upon your level of arousal at any given point in time. The shaft of the clitoris can be massaged, and the hood and tip of the clitoris can be fingered directly or indirectly by folding the inner lips over it. You should be learning what feels good and how to repeat those sensations in the future. Include the many nerves around the outside of the vagina and just inside.

Let your mind focus on the many sensations and repeat those that particularly feel good and increase your passion. As you become more highly aroused you will find that your mind does focus on what you are doing and that your awareness of things around you will disappear. Your breathing will change, you will perspire, and, your body will tense as things progress.

You may very well find that as you close in on an orgasm that you have an urge to pee. This is a false signal (especially if you have recently gone to the bathroom) and should be ignored. Just continue to press through the urge and you will find your climax on the other side. Within a short time this false signal will go away.

The closer you get to your climax, the faster your fingers/hand will want to move. Do not stop, just keep doing what you are doing.* Because it seems to be more of an effort to work up an orgasm than it is for the male of the species, I believe it is fair to say that results will take some time. Just keep working at it, learn what feels good, what builds ard/or, and then when you become tense, your breathing changes, your begin to perspire, your awareness of the outside world disappears, you become all tingly, DO NOT STOP. Keep on keeping on until the orgasm happens. Many women report having problems that seem to stem from stopping or aborting and not pushing on. So, to recap, if you know your bladder is empty, just ignore the need to pee, and if your clitoris happens to become too sensitive to touch, then do so indirectly. Just do not stop until "it" happens--or, you've given it the good ol college try and it just isn't going to happen this time.

* When first learning to masturbate, guys and gals often find that their fingers, wrist, and/or arm become sore and tired from the exertion and the rapid ongoing movements that are new. In time, with repetition, muscle strength will improve and the soreness and muscle fatigue will go away. Not to worry.

Once you have experienced your first orgasm, the next one should be less difficult to achieve, and, they will generally be easier to come by with more practice and as the pathways are established and solidified. Once you can masturbate and have orgasms repeatedly and consistently, you can then show your partner how you do it and guide his hand over several sessions until he learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures, that you have now come to rely upon.

Original Post: dancingdoc - 01/03/2007 - 10:18

Posted: 17 Aug 03:36