OP: G-spot 101

The G-spot is an area of erotic fulfillment that has been masked in ambiguity. It wasn’t until the 1950’s that Ernst Grafenberg published his findings on the existence of this precious nub in an international journal of sex. During the days before the sexual revolution, this discovery generated little interest. Even if his discovery had reached the forefront of attention, the general public considered the subject immodest and unappetizing.

It wasn’t until the 1960’s that people began to rethink their beliefs about sexuality, tossing aside their preconceived notions and redefining codes of sexual behavior. The sexual liberation era primed the public for the next big revelation in women’s pleasure, which came out in a groundbreaking publication in the early 1980’s called “The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality”.

The book put forward the following suggestion; not only do women’s sex buttons swell to erection when aroused, they can also gush a female version of seminal fluid - not unlike a man’s ejaculatory reaction to stimulation. What some women had already stumbled upon in their personal erotic exploration, had finally been recognized and given a context. As more attention was paid to the functioning of female ecstasy, it was established that the sexual differences between men and women weren’t so great after all.

However, even with the emergence of well-founded information documenting every corner of feminine sexual gratification, the G-spot still remains misunderstood by both men and women. Despite the sexual liberalisation of western culture, and mass media communicating what appears to be nothing but sex, a sexual dearth continues to exist in the bedroom, where in spite of everything, many women just aren’t able to ascend to their ecstatic G-spot peak.

In simple terms, they just can’t come. The unfortunate part is it isn’t for lack of trying; even a woman’s most earnest desire to embrace her orgasmic potential won’t always tip the scales to her favor. This piece will explore some of the reasons why it is so difficult for women to have a G-spot orgasm. We’ll also discuss a few ways to make her physically and mentally ‘G-spot ready’.

Why is it so Difficult for Women to Come?
Women’s attempts at G-spot Stimulation can be very easily thwarted. Make no mistake; that which many consider to be their female birthright is evasive and can easily be sabotaged, whether it is self induced or contributed to by a less than competent lover.

At the top of the list is a woman’s fear that she’ll accidentally pee on her partner. This is an understandable misconception, since the sensation leading up to having a G-spot orgasm feels very similar to that that of needing to urinate. Another one that is high on the list is the fear that her sexual partner will interpret her ejaculate as urine, and as a result will ‘judge’ her or become repulsed by her. Female ejaculate does indeed contain some proportion of urine, but its overall make-up is something entirely different from urine. See Female Ejaculation for a more thorough analysis.

Some women feel pressure to ejaculate, so as to demonstrate to her partner that she's enjoying the sexual experience. This causes frustration and restriction, the very things that can prevent it from actually happening. It may be so exasperating that she simply resigns herself to the fact that a G-spot orgasm will never be a part of her sexual identity. For others, this stress can manifest as a denial of the actual existence of the female G-spot, which is critically important to accept in order to successfully transcend any psychological and emotional blocks preventing her from getting there.

Another factor that obstructs a female’s satisfaction has to do with her sensual self-image. Embarrassment surrounding the way her body looks, insecurity over her erotic potential, and culturally induced shame of her sexuality are just a few of the chokeholds. These destructive beliefs isolate a woman, preventing her from opening communicating about her body’s natural functions with fellow women.

A damaged self concept also precludes her from feeling free to explore her sexual organs. This is a definitive setback, since masturbation and physical self discovery are fundamental components of her erotic personality. It is a way to ‘self-cultivate’, where a woman can get to know herself sexually, emotionally and physically. Bringing oneself to an Orgasm is an incredible mood booster, stress reliever, and an overall powerful way to meet one’s personal sexual needs.

Sexual trauma of any degree is very destructive to a woman’s sexual identity. A negative sexual experience, where she’s been shamed, taken advantage of, or been made to feel uncomfortable by her partner, can inevitably lead to emotional anguish. The experience may prove very difficult to recover from and, if left to linger, may inadvertently trigger a self-protective mode; this makes it difficult for her to intimately connect to others and embrace her own satisfaction. Thus, fear and sheer nerves make it impossible for her to surrender to such a beautiful form of sensual release.

The next factor has to do with the impact that inconsiderate or immature lovers have on women. She may have been in a sexual relationship with a lover who lacked experience pleasuring women; alternatively, her paramour might have had little understanding of the way a woman’s body functions. Regardless of the specifics, the underlying issue is this - the task of discovering her G-spot can be a challenge in itself, and when a woman doesn’t have confidence in her lover, it can ‘psyche her out’, thus rendering her orgasm passive.

That’s not to say that a woman shouldn’t take responsibility for her pleasure. In fact, she absolutely should. When it’s a matter of her lover’s inexperience, the onus is on her to convey her needs and desires, and guide them in the right direction. If they’re open to suggestions, then she can revel in the delights that open communication offers.

When a lover’s response to guidance is less that accommodating, a woman feels stung, and inadvertently develops a tendency to control her sexual behavior. She reins in her openness, not wanting to feel vulnerable, and suffers from an inability to fully realize climax. If such a state of affairs carries on without improvement, she may lose desire for sex altogether. In point of fact, according to an article in Psychology Today titled “Sex and Your Psyche”, what is perceived as woman’s low libido in a sexual relationship is often a result of hopelessness and complacency.

How to Experience a G-spot Orgasm: The Next Step
When a woman suffers from any impediment to climax, physical, emotional or otherwise, it can damage her notion of sexual interaction. She becomes filled with doubt, and can end up feeling defeated and fatalistic. Fortunately, there are a few conditions that, when suitably combined, improve a woman’s readiness to come.

First, she has to be willing to explore her orgasmic, ejaculatory potential, and this is greatly advanced when her sexual partner welcomes the possibility with enthusiasm and non-judgement. Secondly, having a positive, optimistic attitude correlates highly with a woman actually experiencing it; she has to believe that it is physically possible and that she deserves the opportunity. Last, but certainly not least, combining specific sexual activity with appropriately selected sex positions sets the stage for a pleasurable (and hopefully orgasmic) outcome.

Final Thoughts
This article focuses heavily on reaching orgasm, but we don’t want to give the impression that it is the be-all and end-all of sex. The act of sex accomplishes more than just ejaculatory release; it creates intimacy between sexual partners, provides relief from stress, and bathes the body with feel-good hormones and endorphins.

A recent study conducted by Dr. L.M. Bogart queried the relationship between orgasm and sex, specifically how the lack of orgasm by one or both lovers affected how they define sex. Out of the group of people interviewed, most women still labelled sex as such even though they didn’t orgasm.

The outcome of this study could be indicative of a couple of things. One, it affirms that there is indeed much still lacking when it comes to women being totally satisfied in bed. Second, it emphasizes the fact that women can derive benefits from the non-physical benefits of sex, namely that which is intimate and connective, and functions on an emotional, spiritual and psychological plane.

Posted: 17 Aug 03:43


There are many questions here about “fingering,” “rubbing.” etc, when playing with girlfriends’ genitals. Perhaps both men and women here would be interested in some facts regarding what is euphemistically called “female sexual response.” There are chapters and sites that describe total response in great detail – mask on the face, blushing on upper chest, nipple erection, myotonia (muscle tensing) and so on. These things are all real but differ greatly among women. Here is a description of what is going on in your (her) genitals.

Firstly, the action is not inside the vagina. There are no nerve endings in there or childbirth would be excruciating. What is felt is pressure on the vulva, the labia and, even, some internal organs. “Feeling him come,” is accurate but not the way we think it is. We do not feel the ejaculate squirting into us; what we feel, sometimes, is the throbbing of the penis against our outer parts. This does not mean that we do not have a sense of “depth” but it is from other responses than feeling the penis in the sheath we provide.

But, you ask, “What about the G Spot?” The G Spot is not medically documented. OK, I know I have one but it eludes complete medical explanation. Probably the best explanation, scientifically, is that there is a ligament running behind where we describe the G Spot. This is being pushed around, gently, and causing response, including moving the urethra and, even, the hood of the clitoris. The G Spot is one of those elusive things that is as much faith as science. It takes regular partners a while to make it really work.

So, let’s forget about physically pleasing women with fingers stimulating her vagina. A quarter inch does as much as three inches penetration. The pleasant feelings are on the labia, not inside. The clitoris is the focus. And you men will be amazed to know that we often feel assaulted on this little protuberance rather than stimulated. She includes all the nerve endings that the penis has scrunched into a really small bundle.

Now, what is happening with all this stuff as we become stimulated. The labia become engorged with blood. This causes opening or spreading of the vulva. “Opening like a flower,” is a beautiful description. Everything that becomes exposed is usually neatly closed within and protected from stimulation. Unlike the penis which is battered by pants seams and other external jolts all day, our stuff is bundled up, hidden away and protected from external stimulus. So, when exposed this a very sensitive area with all the now shiny and damp surfaces picking up every touch and movement. The engorgement of the area makes it even more sensitive because everything feels full and slightly distended. Be gentle.

While the labia spread open they become lubricated and “receptive”. And give access to the clitoris as well as the vaginal opening. Here is the complicated part. The clitoris goes through three distinct phases in arousal. It starts out well hidden and protected under its hood. As the area becomes engorged with blood, the clitoris becomes erect, the same as a penis. At this point, we are all different and care must be taken or the game is over. Some remain covered with just the tip peeping out; some become larger and quite exposed. The part that is exposed is very sensitive and can barely tolerate direct stimulation in many women. As orgasm approaches and the clitoris becomes hyper-sensitive, she actually retracts. She is not losing the erection, but the entire organ is retracted into the body. This is a confusing thing to the unexperienced. The clitoris is at her most sensitive but more pressure and rigorous treatment is needed simply because the clitoris has sought “protection.”

Just as the penis loses erection, at least partially, immediately after ejaculation, the entire genital area of the woman begins to "resolve” after orgasm – the blood is going about its business elsewhere and the distention disappears. The clitoris loses erection, the labia get small and the vulva closes over everything returning to its “natural” state. The entire body relaxes.

This now becomes more personal experience than medical fact because each woman is unique and the way we move through the stages of response may differ greatly from one time to another. Assuming a nice session of hugging, kissing, breast play, and general getting ready, when you reach into my crotch, I spread without thinking. Start with your whole hand covering the entire pubic area. And rub gently and firmly and then take my lead. Maybe I will be in the mood for some finger dipping; maybe not; my movements will tell you because I may not even know what I want next. While the clitoris is erect, do not assault her; a finger on either side moving the hood up and down will probably be enough. When I really arch up, then pressure with a finger can be tolerated and I am looking for more.

While male sexual response is just as complicated, what is wanted is more obvious and easily supplied. Women are confusing to ourselves as well as to men. A hard suck on the head of the penis will bring the same reaction in most men. A firm tongue flick across the clitoris may have unpredictable consequences.

Women have more subtle responses and so tend to be more subtle in our treament of men, leaving them a bit unsatisfied; men are less subtle in their responses and often rush to the wrong things – such as jamming a finger into us or battering the clitoris, leaving us a bit unsatisfied.

Because we are so different, I am certain that many women will add to this and there may be as much dialogue among women as between women and men. There is much to be learned from “masturbating” one another. The responses can be seen; communication can be verbal as well physical. It is great fun, can give great orgasms and no one will get pregnant!

OP Brandye 10/05/2002 - 17:21

Posted: 17 Aug 21:26

Very informative post Brandye. As you said the g-spot is as much faith as science..especially for those that haven't experienced a vaginal orgasm yet. Let me share what little bit I do know about it and what I have came to learn in my love making to induce it. My first experience..or rather my ex-wife's first experience came several years after being married. I was in the army working as a medic in a Hospital and was being trained in the Physical therapy dept. I was learning Deep Tissue Massage..and thought I would practice my skills on her one night...I honestly hadnt attended sex to be the outcome of this...BTW we had by then found ourselves in a routine when it came to sex...very little foreplay...oral sex then the event...boring I know but I was younger then. After about 45 minutes of massage my ex was so turned on we went straight to the main event...When she orgasmed...she was as shocked as I...there was very little clitoral stimulation during this and she said that was something that she had never experienced before....Since then I have determined that massage was and is Her turn on...That is just what does it for her....we of course incorporated that into our love making for the remainder of our marriage...Btw she has since remarried...he is a physical therapist.....My dating since my divorce has been just as informative...one girlfriend loved to kiss....this might sound like a no brainer....but when we went out for the night....we would find several minutes here and there to just make out....as tactfully as possible of course...hidden away but not too hidden away to where we could do more than just kiss...another responded similar but to touch...nothing too naughty...actually rather more from innocent carresses....What all of these share I believe is that they all start from a point well before what the average man would consider foreplay...and I believe it is how turned on a women goes into the traditional foreplay that determines the outcome. Just my two cents worth.

OP: blbprime 12/05/2006

Posted: 23 Sep 03:21

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