I regularly describe an exercise technique that a guy and his partner can practice that is designed to train a guy's mind to recognize when he is about to climax by associating those sensations that immediately precede a climax with it so that the orgasm does not sneak up on him.
Another method that Brandye recommends is the "Squeeze technique". For information on this method, please do a Google search.
Premature Ejaculation visits nearly every young man up through his mid twenties. For the rest of us, it can pay a temporary and transitory visit anytime throughout our life. Even though we are susceptible to it the condition usually does not bother us until we enter into a relationship with someone. The reason it does not really manifest itself when we masturbate is two-fold; first, because we do not become as highly aroused when by ourselves; second, we have the ability to self-regulate the stimulation we generate and modulate our movements better than if someone else is providing the stimulus.
P E is a problem that happens most often when our partner is the initiator of some activity; or, when we become extremely aroused and then any little extra friction or movement of the penis takes us beyond the point of no control such as:
* when we are at the brink of an orgasm and any little movement of the penis then stimulates deep seated nerves within the root structure
* when we begin entering the vagina
* during the initial inward stroke
* during the initial outward stroke
or during one of the next couple of strokes
P E happens during the first minute or so of intercourse. If it happens several minutes later, it is not
P E; rather, an unplanned and ill timed event. Regardless, there are two ways to handle the problem. The Squeeze technique is great to use in the here and now. I recommend a training exercise that a fella and his girlfriend can practice that will train him how to gain mastery over his orgasms by learning to associate those sensations that occur immediately prior to a climax and when he can still maintain control.
The exercise is not something he can do when home alone. It must be done as a team and partnership effort. Why? Simple: because when we masturbate we benefit from an internal feedback that lets us modulate our movements and control our actions. This is not available when we turn the reins over to someone else. So, we must develop another form of feedback that is accomplished with both "verbal" and "non-verbal" forms of communication. (These are explained below.) The exercise will most likely take several days to a few weeks depending upon how often the two of you can do it. It's fun and it will help him gain and maintain control.
WHY DO I CUM SO SOON?
The cause is simply a typical guy's inability to recognize and then associate those sensations that happen immediately prior to having an orgasm, and, those feelings that are associated with some benchmark along his climb up the arousal curve when he still has the ability to maintain control of his climax and not coast beyond if all stimulation is stopped.
The idea is to train a part of his brain to remain aware of what is happening and not to become totally and completely lost and involved in the moment of bliss. He must be able to keep part of his brain focused on what is happening rather than to become all consumed and lost while enjoying the fruits of her labor so to speak. He absolutely must be able to tell his partner to pause what she is doing (hand and/or mouth stimulation) and not just say to himself, "oh well" or "this is so good and I'll just try to go a little longer", etc. He has to say or otherwise indicate that she has to stop IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. Her part as his partner is to do just that and take her hand or mouth away as if she had just touched a hot poker! or at the very least hold his penis rigidly still. She cannot move his penis in the slightest because doing so will likely stimulate deep-seated nerves at the base of the penis or in the root structure inside his abdomen and he'll coast beyond the point of no return. Again, if and when this should happen, neither party should make a big deal out of it. Say "woops" and try again, later.
Another of his tasks is to learn how long to pause or to slide back down the curve before starting up again so he can call a hault to the proceedings long enough for the sense of urgency to subside. So, not only does he have to recognize and then communicate to his partner when he is about to climax yet won't if she immediately stops; he must also learn when that sense of urgency has subsided well enough to start up again.
The exercise is for the couple to get together when they are not planning to get romantic and when they can devote a half hour to it each time. The purpose of the exercise is to train him to recognize (consciously) when he is about to climax yet can still stop it from happening; and, when he has reached the point of no return. These two benchmarks have specific sensations associated with them that he needs to learn to recognize. When he can, then he can achieve control over his orgasms. Once he can recognize and identify both benchmarks, the next task is to see how close he can move the first one to the second (trigger point of his orgasm). This just takes practice as well as a conscious effort on the guy's part instead of just becoming lost in the emotion and feel good sensations and either not stopping when he knows he should, or, simply not recognizing when he needs to put a temporary halt on the proceedings.
The reason why a guy cannot master the technique by himself is because of his internal feedback. When we masturbate we modulate our movements and make tiny mid-course corrections along the way based upon what we feel--or not. So, feedback is preventing us from ejaculating or climaxing prematurely. When we turn the job of stimulating ourselves over to our partner, we loose the ability to govern what happens through internal feedback. In order to counter this, we must give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback or cues. Verbal cues can be a word or utterance; non-verbal feedback can be a squeeze of the hand or other gestures that the couple work out to convey specific meanings like how s/he is responding to their partner and for what is needed--now.
The first thing to learn is to "wake up" from an utter state of bliss and make a conscious decision to have her stop the stimulation of his penis when he recognizes that he is getting close and then convey this need to her. What's happening now is that the man is in such a state of euphoria that he does not recognize the sensations associated with an approaching climax. The purpose of the exercise is to get him to make a conscious decision to wake up when he recognizes that an orgasm is about to happen and to either tell her or indicate that he needs her to immediately stop all movements! Her obligation at this point in time is to absolutely, positively, immediately stop because even the slightest motion of the penis after this point will often be enough to take him past the point of no return.
TAKING THE TRAINING PERSONALLY--
In the early stages of his training, he needs to stop her pretty early and way before he knows an orgasm is going to happen. As he gains experience and confidence, then she should begin moving this benchmark closer to the trigger point of an orgasm. Eventually, and with practice and awareness, he will be able to place the two pretty much side by side which intensifies his pleasure while giving him complete control over his climax.
Now, having said that, the two of you should take the exercises seriously yet recognizing that mistakes will happen and not to get upset that you have an unplanned climax. This is to be expected and will not happen as you gain experience. So, just laugh them off and try again, later.
Find some time when you know you will not be disturbed for a half hour or so and then relax in a chair or recline on a bed and let her stroke your penis. DO NOT use oral stimulation because the intensity of the stimulation will just complicate matters in the early stages.
After building his level of arousal, pausing, and then rebuilding it again a few times, finish each exercise session by letting him enjoy a climax. Do not leave him hanging lest he acquire a good case of Blue Balls. I also understand that you may not be able to find some separate alone time exclusively for the exercise, so, if you do have to combine them when you plan to get romantic and fool around, then you can, although doing so may add needless stress and distraction thus complicating the process. So do it this way only if you have no choice.
Repeat the exercise two to perhaps four times each session. As his partner you do not want to go overboard and drive him "mad", so when the two of you decide to end the session, let him enjoy a climax. How many sessions it will take depends upon how easy it is for him to make the associations and then to learn to "wake up" out of his all consuming bliss to tell you to stop. How long this will take depends upon how often the two of you can work on the exercise. Plan to spend a few weeks at this.
The reason I say that you should do the exercise when not planning to be romantic is because you want to treat the training sessions like a "Quickie". There should be no build up of passion beforehand. So, do not do any kissing or caressing, just grab on and begin working your magic with his penis in various ways to build up his arousal.
** Feel free to combine the Squeeze Technique with the exercise if you need extra help preventing an orgasm from happening. The squeeze works anytime and does not require any training other than just learning how to apply it. So, you now have two ways to gain and maintain control.
OP: dancingdoc2 01/03/2007
Posted: 23 Sep 04:22
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