OP: How to Cheat
Relationships are built around friendship, commitment and trust. However, an "extra-marital/relationship" liaison (a.k.a. cheating or "a having a bit on the side") is an option that many people have at least considered during the course of any relationship. The idea of cheating presents something enticing - it offers excitement and trouble all at the same time. Unfortunately for many, getting caught is almost inevitable and can become the beginning-of-the-end for the relationship.
Although we at sexinfo101 do NOT condone cheating actions, we are not here to judge. We will therefore (somewhat “tongue-in-cheek”) provide you with some of the essential information that will allow you to overcome the obstacles that cheating presents.
Rule 1: Keep track of your lies
Nothing will ruin the "art" of cheating more than not knowing which lies go with which situation. Forgetting that you were supposed to go and get milk, and instead come back with a sweat-soaked shirt and an excuse you used last week, leaves your spouse to think you were getting "other" sources of protein.
Bachelors Degree Tip: Have your deceptions set up before you go on your booty call.
Masters Degree Tip: Have props to support your lies, it is the best way to turn your suspicious partner into an apologetic fool.
Rule 2: Keep your lies to a minimum
The most successful cheaters are always on top of their devious adventures because they keep them as simple as possible. Telling your significant other that you need to help your manager plan next quarter's market analysis provides you with that window of opportunity for that weekend hook-up. However, DO NOT add lies on top of lies. Telling your spouse that you are working on the company's market analysis every Saturday afternoon followed by extra public relations work in the evening will have him or her asking questions about everything you did that day. Adding lies on top of lies will get you in trouble - and it will leave you with no one to blame but yourself!
Bachelors Degree Tip: Use simple lies that cannot be verified.
Masters Degree Tip: Preferably get around their questions without even having to tell an out-and-out lie... just try and bend the truth a little.
Rule 3: Do NOT tell your friends
Even though they will always say, "I won't tell anyone", putting a friend in the position to screw up your relationship is the worst thing you could do. Anybody who has juicy gossip is going to fumble the ball sooner or later. After they have had a drink or two – read “sooner” rather than "later"!
Rule 4: Do NOT Cheat with your partner's friend
This one should be a no-brainer to even the most dedicated cheater! This will almost certainly ruin their friendship – and will very likely ruin ALL your relationships. This is a very difficult situation to hide and is simply JUST NOT WORTH IT!!
Rule 5: Keep yourself clean
Always be prepared to have the cleaning products needed to keep you from getting caught. A quick shower after an entanglement is highly recommended. Perfume or cologne should be used to disguise any smell, but try not to overdo it; smelling like you just fell in a vat of Chanel can be more of a give-away than a help. As well, make sure to check for male/female hair on your clothes. Finally, do not keep your booty call's underwear in your glove compartment … or you are just asking to get caught.
Bachelors Degree Tip: Have cologne in the car.
Masters Degree Tip: Carry an extra set of clothes... but that could be tricky to do surreptitiously.
Rule 6: Do NOT become the victim of a set schedule
Do not call him/her every Friday night for a rendezvous; routine can become suspicious.
Rule 7: Keep your cool if confronted on your cheating ways
Stressful situations will always affect people, but the key is to manage these nerve-racking moments. Maintaining a calm and patient manner should quickly resolve any pressing questions your spouse or significant other throws at you. Besides, if the ex-President of the United States is able to keep his composure in front of his family, Kenneth Starr and millions of television viewers that he "did not have sexual relations", then why can't you?
Rule 8: Use Protection
Since your cheating ways are putting your partner (not to mention you) at risk for STDs, make sure to use protection. It’s the very least you can do for your partner; after all, are they not trusting you with their health/life?
By following the Rules to Cheating, you might become the smooth operator that you have always thought you were. On the other hand … if you get caught don’t come crying back to us complaining that the Rules of Cheating don't work – we never gave any guarantees! But then you wouldn’t be cheating regularly if you didn’t (at least partially) perversely enjoy the possibility of exposure – now would you?
Posted: 23 Aug 22:16
