Whether you’re in an early or advanced stage of a relationship, it’s important to realize that you and your boyfriend are not going to agree on everything. Some of those things may be menial, such as how you spend your leisure time, or how you split up housework. Others are matters of greater importance like principles, morality, and values.
It’s important to take time in getting to know someone before entering into deeper stages of commitment. You’ve only been dating six months, but according to research on infatuation and love, the fuzzy glow of a new relationship now generally starts to wane, making way for a clearer sense of who your sweetie really is - and what he actually stands for.
Don’t ignore the feelings that you’re experiencing, but don’t jump to any conclusions either. His familial relationships, upbringing, ethnicity and previous relationship history will all have a bearing on how he relates to women. Since the prostitute incident happened before you got into the picture, it’s up to you now to observe his behavior towards you and other women he interacts with to figure out whether his prostitute experience was a one-time thing, done out of curiosity and experimentation, or if it is a sign of a negative and oppressive attitude towards females.
It’s okay to be on the fence in regards to how you feel about his past experience with a prostitute. There are many concerns a person might have if they were faced with a similar situation: there’s the issue of legality, his contributing to the possible exploitation of women, the concern over his respect towards women, his possibly having a desire to dominate or degrade females, and how his views might impact your sex life and relationship. But what about the men out there who may not go to prostitutes, but treat women as if they were commodities, buying them gifts, drinks, and more, with the expectation of sex at the end - is that any better?
Also, put yourself under the microscope before you judge others. You say you have no problem with prostitution in theory, but then go on to explain your issues with it. Are you sure you are not simply transferring your own uncertain feelings and moral dilemmas onto him? Furthermore, you may not be hiring prostitutes, but do you shop at big box stores or purchase mass produced products? Did you know that many people also get exploited to provide you with cheap goods?
What’s not okay is to begrudgingly resign yourself into accepting what he did, and then using it against him later. The time is now to reflect on the relationship and decide on what you’re willing to accept. You always have a choice in whether you want to stay with a boyfriend, slow down the pace, or continue on as is. What’s important is to consider whether 1. You’re willing to get over the incident, and keep it that way, or 2. He might not be someone you’re that compatible with after all.
Posted: 17 Aug 05:18