> My fiancé and I have been having issues when talking about threesomes and an open relationship. I am bisexual and find that not sleeping with other women makes me feel like I am not sexually fulfilled.
Do you just like getting it on with other women, or, do you cultivate a deeper emotional connection with a particular woman?
>He loves the idea, of a threesome or open relationship, but I have an issue...I don't want to share him. I do not feel the need to sleep with other men so I can not fathom letting him be with another woman and it hurts to know that he wants too.
So, he has stated he would like to have sex with other women, but not other men--that he would, would this bother you in the same way?
If you stated that you would like to have sex with other men instead of women, what do you think his reaction would be?
> I know this may seem silly but it is starting to effect my trust issues and I am beginning to feel inadequate.
Your uncomfortableness is not silly because the equation is not the same for each of you.
To help control the situation and prevent an "uncontrolled reaction" you need a "control rod", just like in a nuclear power plant. The control is this:
He is in the relationship with you because he chooses to be.
You are in the relationship with him because you choose to be.
That you are enjoying same gender touching and caressing while he would opt for the opposite should not make a difference in a recreational arrangement. Now, here is the rub:
* Do you trust him to keep his emotions out of the equation? If not why not, you are there with others to moderate the fun and games.
* Does he trust you to keep your emotions out of the equation? Et cetera.
Each of you must assure the other where your heads are at and what your overall goals are with regard to open relationships. Unless and until you can trust your man--unless and until he gives you cause for concern that he is not about to become involved further than goose bumps and orgasms, then you logically have no reason for concern.
Before ever engaging in a threesome, you have to have have a conversation about all this, your uneasiness with the possibility of a discretion and whatever else either/both of you are concerned about; then, set up rules and make certain your guests get a copy and abide by them, also.
In part this is a trust issue, yet also a matter of trust. Each of you must extend some initial level in order to progress; however, until one or the other of you does something to break the trust, you cannot live in fear of the possibility. Doing so will make matters worse, not better.
This is not unlike the husband or boyfriend who is constantly checking up on his wife/girlfriend several times a day either by constantly telephoning her or following her around because of an irrational fear that she may be cheating. As long as she is happy, returns home at the end of the workday or shopping spree or day out with a friend, there is no need to be checking up. The trust is in knowing that each of you is in the relationship because you want to be and until there is clear evidence of a breech, do not go looking for trouble where there is none, or fearing the possibility.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Posted: 06 Oct 19:38