OP: I want FMF threesomes, but for him not to touch her...

My fiance and I have been having issues when talking about threesomes and an open relationship. I am bisexual and find that not sleeping with other women makes me feel like I am not sexually fulfilled. He loves the idea, of a thrresome or open relationship, but I have an issue...I don't want to share him. I do not feel the need to sleep with other men so I can not fathom letting him be with another womam and it hurts to know that he wants too. I know this may seem silly but it is starting to effect my trust issues and I am begining to feel inadequate.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:36


You're beginning to feel inadequate? What about the slam you just gave him?

"I am bisexual and find that not sleeping with other women makes me feel like I am not sexually fulfilled."

The only pay-off for him in this FMF deal is to have sexual access with the other woman. Otherwise you two are in the bed enjoying each other while he's trying to watch football in the living room, grinding his teeth or (oh joy of joys) hanging around the bed neglected with his penis hanging out like some lap dog hoping against hope that 'Momma' will pet him soon.

From his point of view YOU get the fun and he's left out in the cold; you are then the definition of a selfish lover.

Fair is fair, chickiebaby, either SHARE or let the 3some idea go.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:37

> My fiancé and I have been having issues when talking about threesomes and an open relationship. I am bisexual and find that not sleeping with other women makes me feel like I am not sexually fulfilled.

Do you just like getting it on with other women, or, do you cultivate a deeper emotional connection with a particular woman?

>He loves the idea, of a threesome or open relationship, but I have an issue...I don't want to share him. I do not feel the need to sleep with other men so I can not fathom letting him be with another woman and it hurts to know that he wants too.

So, he has stated he would like to have sex with other women, but not other men--that he would, would this bother you in the same way?
If you stated that you would like to have sex with other men instead of women, what do you think his reaction would be?

> I know this may seem silly but it is starting to effect my trust issues and I am beginning to feel inadequate.

Your uncomfortableness is not silly because the equation is not the same for each of you.

To help control the situation and prevent an "uncontrolled reaction" you need a "control rod", just like in a nuclear power plant. The control is this:

He is in the relationship with you because he chooses to be.
You are in the relationship with him because you choose to be.
That you are enjoying same gender touching and caressing while he would opt for the opposite should not make a difference in a recreational arrangement. Now, here is the rub:

* Do you trust him to keep his emotions out of the equation? If not why not, you are there with others to moderate the fun and games.
* Does he trust you to keep your emotions out of the equation? Et cetera.

Each of you must assure the other where your heads are at and what your overall goals are with regard to open relationships. Unless and until you can trust your man--unless and until he gives you cause for concern that he is not about to become involved further than goose bumps and orgasms, then you logically have no reason for concern.

Before ever engaging in a threesome, you have to have have a conversation about all this, your uneasiness with the possibility of a discretion and whatever else either/both of you are concerned about; then, set up rules and make certain your guests get a copy and abide by them, also.

In part this is a trust issue, yet also a matter of trust. Each of you must extend some initial level in order to progress; however, until one or the other of you does something to break the trust, you cannot live in fear of the possibility. Doing so will make matters worse, not better.

This is not unlike the husband or boyfriend who is constantly checking up on his wife/girlfriend several times a day either by constantly telephoning her or following her around because of an irrational fear that she may be cheating. As long as she is happy, returns home at the end of the workday or shopping spree or day out with a friend, there is no need to be checking up. The trust is in knowing that each of you is in the relationship because you want to be and until there is clear evidence of a breech, do not go looking for trouble where there is none, or fearing the possibility.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?


Posted: 06 Oct 19:38

Are you having problem having him go and have sex with a girl or sharing him in a FFM threesome?
If it's the former then you should offer him to have sex with another girl only when having a threesome, with the same rule applying to you, of course.
If it's the latter then I have to agree with EEK.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:38

I have to agree here. If you want him to share you, you have to share him. Relationships are two way streets. You're not the only important member of this relationship, and yours aren't the only important desires. He needs to be just as fulfilled as you do.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:39

I have to say that EEK is right, you slammed him pretty hard to do this.

I myself am an open bisexual, and am in a loving, monogamous relationship with a man.

Here is what you aren't realizing: It's the person inside that you're hurting. Man, woman, it doesn't matter. He loves you enough to want to be with you for the rest of his life, and he's openly made that commitment to you. You said yes to this commitment (I'm assuming as you're engaged), and then told him that he doesn't sexually fulfill you and you still want other partners. It's not the man you're hurting, but the person inside the shell who loves and adores you.

Aside from that, it's unfair. You're openly attracted to women and men, he's only attracted to women. If you're allowed to be with another partner which you're attracted to, he should be allowed the same. Until you're ready to share him, he shouldn't have to share you.

While I understand that it's hard to differentiate, your request is very selfish. He's not a toy to be kept on the back shelf and taken out when you want to play, he's a human being, and one who loves you very much. Don't destroy it because you want temporary passion.

Remember: Cheating is giving another person the attention and time that belongs to your partner, regardless of gender (unless previously specified for a distinct purpose).


Posted: 06 Oct 19:39

Yeah I'd be super upset if I were him. First I def wouldn't want an open relationship.. I like my relationships to be an immensely strong emotional and physical bond between my partner and I and no one else. If I am not good enough for her by myself then I don't want her.. and if she doesn't satisfy me completely I don't want her. I'm not gonna go ask her for a threesome or permission to have sex with other girls and I'm not gonna go do it without permission either. I would just tell her this isn't working and move on. For me a lot of the excitement of sex is that I'm the only one she is being intimate with and she's the only one I'm being intimate with. There's always gonna being extra sexual desires and curiosity but I feel like the emotional part is more important.. and I'm not making any huge sacrifices by not chasing down my extra sexual desires. The love of my girlfriend is 1000 times better to me than the idea of having anal sex with some other girl or cumming in some other girls mouth (the things she doesnt do but i want to, although she said she does wanna try to swallow). I think communication is really important.. my girlfriend and I both agree on being exclusive and monogamous and we also communicate our emotional feelings as well as sexual desires on a regular basis... and she definitely satisfies me emotionally and sexually as well as other ways and satisfies is an understatement.. and unless shes lying I do the same for her. But some people are different and like open relationships.. but I think that what youre doing is completely unfair. You cannot go and say you wanna have relations with other girls and say he can't join or do the same. You say you have trust issues with it.. how the hell do you think he feels? Just because it isnt men youre after doesnt mean its not gonna make HIM FEEL INADEQUATE... you are selfish beyond belief to say youd be jealous in that situation... you say youd feel inadequate? thats a joke.. youve probably already made him feel that way. You should either decide one of three things.. be monogamous with him, let him at the very least join your fun.. if not have his own too, or don't marry him and find a man that puts up with your BS


Posted: 06 Oct 19:39

I have a feeling that monogamy is overrated.

Alternatively, I have a feeling that we delude ourselves about the capacity/desire/ability/(insert other synonym here) for humans generally to be monogamous.

The facts speak for themselves. I suppose we could aspire to better things (much like world peace), but one is perhaps wiser and better off (certainly less disappointed) to accept human nature for what it is.

Or is that being too reasonable?


Posted: 06 Oct 19:40

WSO - you're so sweet but it isn't going to happen. Not any time soon.

Monogamy is desirable for many reasons but it should not be enshrined or recognised as the ONLY option.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:40

About a year ago, Evil and I each posted a list of all the people we know who are absolutely monogamous. Neither list had a single name on it.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:40

Quite so, Brandye.

Being single doesn't count, btw.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:41

How interesting. What was the definition of absolute monogamy though? Somebody who has only had sex with 1 person in their life, someone who has only been attracted to 1 person in their life, or people that only engage in intimacy with one partner at a time? Would a married person who eventually has to divorce and finds a new partner to be "monogamous" with be considered absolutely monogamous?


Posted: 06 Oct 19:41

A person who goes from one monogamous relationship to another is a 'serial monogamous' person.


Posted: 06 Oct 19:41

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