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OP: Crush on Sister-in-law

I have a slight problem: I think I have a crush. on my sister-in-law. It happened a couple of weeks ago, I was dropping my kid off her place as she was supposed to stay there for a few days and I stuck around for a while, getting some coffee, helping her put her middle child to sleep, talking. And it just struck me. I was standing there, drinking coffee and talking to her while she was doing some dishes. And all I could think about was what it would be like to kiss her, how would her lips feel against mine and so on. And as we were talking, making eye contact, I got that feeling. You probably remember what it felt like when you were younger and got eye contact with that special someone? That feeling. Haven't been able to let go of those thoughts since, the ones about her lips against mine. It's really bugging me because I don't know what to do about it. It's not like the usual sexual fantasies I've had about her before, this is way different. That and I'm married and even if I wasn't technically married I still wouldn't want to risk my family. So I can't just tell her how I feel and be done with it as chances are she'll tell her sister (my wife) which might cause a situation. Not a huge risk, she is rather sensible and intelligent, but still. I just don't know.
Over the last few years, she (my sister-in-law) has always been very nice and friendly towards me and given me her support (if only verbally and out of my wifes earsight) when my wife's been verbally abusive (she gets that way especially when we're around her parents or when she's stressing herself up for whatever reason, usually unnecessarily. I tend to accept it to a point, depending on the surroundings). I guess that's why I like being around her, plus she's rather attractive, at least to me. So I don't want to have things become strange between us either as that would really make our stays at my wifes parents over certain holidays pure hell.

I think I already know some of the answers you guys will give me, I'm not pro-adultery (I'm not judging those who are adulterous though as I understand there are reasons behind every decision one makes), I just need to vent. I was contemplating writing an anonymous letter but haven't been able to make my mind up as to whether or not that's a good idea (I would certainly appreciate someone sending me an anonymous letter of that sort but some wouldn't. On the other hand, doing it that way I could vent a bit while also still being able to deny everything and just have a potentially uncomfortable situation instead of a total crashlanding if everything goes south)

PerKr

Posted: 05 Oct 09:03

Replies:

Really, that question will dictate what to do. If you have no intention of cheating, or even other extended family ruining issues, then really there's no point to saying anything. Telling her you're attracted to her doesn't really "do" anything. It's not like you're wife and her will ever work out a deal for you. (I'm assuming)

As a man that's had similar situations, the safest thing to do is just keep the thought to yourself, and just save it for the "spank bank". :)

Firmus

Posted: 05 Oct 09:03


You're subject at home to what you consider verbal abuse from an apparently highly-strung wife - you're feelings for this nice sister-in-law isn't a crush - they're a cry for help.

You need to speak to a professionally licensed abuse counselor. Please do not wait and do not fear that seeking help will erode your masculinity. Depression and all of its attendant ills awaits you if you linger and continue to define yourself by your wife's opinions of you. You are worthy of respect and of assistance.

Good luck!

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 05 Oct 09:03


Firmus: I'm thinking you're right. Just letting it be will probably be the best solution and given that we don't see eachother that often my mind will sooner or later be occupied with (a lot of) other stuff. What happens happens, I'm not one to actively go after someone (or something, which is rather unfortunate at times but probably a good thing with this) and I certainly don't have any goal in mind, not going to try and seduce her (seducing pretty girls is just not me) but not going to push her away either (I might but I don't think I would).

EEK: If I was to have more regular contact with her (as in weekly instead of bi-monthly at most), wasn't otherwise sexually attracted to her and this hadn't happened in a very good period for my wife and me...yes, we do have our good and bad times, it's not like she's abusing me constantly but she will have periods where she'll overreact. We could discuss that for hours but in this case it's not relevant other than to point out that my sister-in-law has been very friendly over the last few years, always offering a smile, only positive things passing her lips. At least that's why I mentioned it at all. Going back a few more years I'd say we both (sis-in-law and I) considered eachother to be a pain.
If this had happened in a troublesome period... Had it been a specific friend of mine (with whom I have regular discussions and share a lot of intimate thoughts) your theory would probably have been correct. This has all the signs of a high-school crush though, at least as I used to experience them.

PerKr

Posted: 05 Oct 09:03




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