OP: Found my bf's profile for hook-up sites...

I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. He was my first for just about everything, we first started dating when I was 19 and him 24, we've moved in together a year after we dated, and even lived in Canada for a year together. over all it has been a great relationship ( sure we had some rocky times but we always talked it out and never had a big blow out). This past week I was on his ipad using the Internet browser, and i went to the book mark tab, and it was opened up to the past history, and on it was a web site called sex finder (which according to the history he was on there several times). So I went to his email on the ipad ( i know this is wrong but shit I wanted to know if he did use it)and low and behold in one of his email accounts he had some messages from this site, a few from people wanting to contact him. I then went on my computer and went to the site ( you have to sign up so I created a fake account) and low and be hold he had an account on there with his picture from facebook along with a nude backside pic of him. I took nude photos of him a while back, when we moved to Canada, for a movie caster but we never heard back from the director ( stupid on our part for taking nude photos but they never surfaced on the internet until now and the other pics of him are on his computer). Not only did it have the nude pics of him but it had a lot of personal information including that he was involved and that any meet-ups he would want it to be discreet.
So naturally I'm upset, and when he came home I confronted him about it. His response was that he knew about these sites ( now he is indication that there are multiple sites) and that his old "ass hole" friends from high school has set up these sites and there is nothing he can do to take them down since he doesn't know the password, and he believes that his "friends" have found his nude pics on some random web site. he tells me that he loves me and that he would never throw away 6 years of a relationship to be with some skank.
But I still dont know 100% if he is telling the truth. Could it be possible that some "friend" did this and magically found these nude pics on some website? any thoughts or insight would be great.


Posted: 05 Oct 21:55


The best predictor of present and future behavior is past behavior. However, having said this, what about new behavior? Yes, it is quite possible he went off on a tangent to your relationship and got has been participating on the Sex Finder site with no thought of harming your relationship. Yes, it is quite possible some "friend(s)" of his posted using his information. Probable? Not likely unless he has continued to have an ongoing friendship with these people.

How is your relationship? If it has and continues to be OK outside of this one matter, then my recommendation is to continue your trust in him unless and until you have definite reason not to trust him. Inform him that you want him to stop using these sites and why, then drop the matter yet continue to check once in a while.

You are to be complemented for talking out problems. This should be your approach with this matter, also. My recommendation to your boyfriend is for him to contact his friends and insist that the pictures and information pertaining to him be removed post haste. If not, the friendship(s) end. Monitor the situation and see if any friendships end.

BTW, as a side note, words like "skank", "s***", & "A**H***" are not welcomed on this site. We set our standards higher.

I hope this is of help. Good luck.


Posted: 05 Oct 21:55

so you decided to SNOOP. Despite 6 years of being with him, you have decided to MISTRUST him. Has he ever shown any interest in getting with other women during your 6 years togethor? Or does that count for mothing?

Buddy - drop her. The relationship is over.

Let me be very specific here: those websites give a guy hope and very little else for every 100 letters he sends out he'll maybe get 1 reply and she'll unltimately decide *yawn* I'd rather have a V-8. You are getting upset over very little indeed.
Does he enjoy the fantasy? Of course he does. Does he have real expectatioons here? No, none. Let's add some perspective: do you read romance novels? Do you fantsize over the hero? Maybe. Do you watch 'chick flicks'? Are you planning on dumping him and getting with your favorite 'heart throb of the silver screen'? Nope, probably not.

Excuse me but 'skank'? Really? You have the gall to denegrate some generous fun-loving woman who's out for a good time when you are the one who SNOOPED - went behind his back, found something that 'upset' you and then 'confronted him' (lo and behold - he's automatically guilty and had better explain himself.) If she's the s-word then you're the KGB.

Buddy, drop her. This relatioonship is over.

Further perspective: does my husband look at naked women on the web? I guess - I've never asked. He goes to lunch with a gf from high-school who lives in the area. Do I get upset? Whateverfor? Actually, there are two ex-gf's in our area but sees them or not doesn't bother me. Why don't I get upset? Because I know he loves/adores/enjoys me and I have an ego - not mere pride - but a confident self-esteem so I can fear nothing. If he leaves, he leaves - why would I want to hang onto a man who doesn't want to be with me? That would be stupid.

It is time for you to grow up, hun, else what you fear, you'll push him to do. "If she doesn't believe me, well, then - why not just do it?" Do you see?


Posted: 05 Oct 21:56

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