My partner wants a second GF
My partner wants a 2nd girlfriend. like a relationship..a love triangle, he talks about it a lot and says it would help his depression right now/help us. I work 6 days a week and often I'm not there during the day (i work from 11 to 5) too stressed with work (also we live together), and everything to do that even though its in the corner of my mind but not right now
he says he did it before and it went well for a bit, but then his first girlfriend got jealous and so the 2nd girl had to leave..
He says he can love 2 people he did it before and both girls loved each other until one got jealous and the other didnt want to cause trouble so she left. Its so mind boggling right now he says i am enough but im always away at work..he says it would be nice to have that again.. I mean he knows people would think its weird 3 people dating each other. I dont really care about that, its something between us (3) and if it benefits everyone in a way - example. I work and my boyfriend can have company to talk to while im away and then I come home and spend time with him or we can all relax together..also the sexual stuff should be fun. I love pleasuring my boyfriend and would love to have a girl to pleasure too but its also an emotional issue as well.
I dont think its weird I mean the part of me thats open to it because I have been in love with a girl before and think it could be a solution to our stresses right now where I could hangout with my girlfriend and boyfriend. Im just insecure (trying to work on it) and wouldnt want to risk losing him to another girl and he says he wouldnt want to lose me either but he doesnt know what to do right now as its hard to help me with my stress as he is depressed..sorry my ramble is all over the place, well one part of me is like open to it and think it would be fun and nice to have an extra person and I know people who have had that before. The other side of me gets insecure and I worry that could affect it. What do you think?
blueyeslove
Replies:
Too stressed and he's so lonely to need a third because you have a 36 hour work week?
I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, but have a third partner because you both want a third partner. Don't get one because he can handle your "almost full-time" job.
How old are you guys? Does he not work too? What does he do all day?
Firmus
Let me make sure I understand this situation. HE wants to bring in a third because it would help him deal with his depression. Yet he can't do the housework while you're working? Then how does he think he can handle two women? I know you're feeling depressed and I don't think you're all that insecure - seems more like you want a fairer deal.
Why don't you want to lose this guy? He seems more like a dead weight than a help. If you're too stressed for sex with him...then he should be helping you out with that, not asking for an additional sex partner.
Needs someone to talk to during the day - has he heard of the Internet? Has he heard of getting out of the house and going to the library, Starbucks, the medical center to get help with his depression?
Frankly, I think he's taking you for a ride.
EvilEvilKitten
I think this is one of those cases where you should read your own post. And I don't mean that in a rude way.
You mention that your man had two women before and that it worked well. The women even loved eachother. Until there was jealousy involved and they left. That means it didn't work at all actually.
And you won't work less hours if you involve a third party. You also mentioned that your insecure about parts of it. If your insecure, it's probably not a good idea to go through with it.
And take it from someone that has depressions and social issues, Eeks advice is the best. You go online, outside etc to cope with those things. He's the only one that can fix his depressions, not you and certainly not a third party. Don't fall into that trap. Personally I think it seems a bit much to ask of a third person to fix your stress, his depression, your sexlife and bring the relationship to new heights. And what if she gets a job to? Does he need a third girlfriend then?
You work fewer hours a week than where I live, and yet he can't cope with it. So since your asking what I think: He's playing you. Bigtime. Using his depression as en excuse to live out a fantasy that didn't work out in the past. Also sounds to me that he's trying to make you feel guilty for beeing stressed and working. Don't allow your relationship to be all about him.
rocinante
What I think is:
A) he is needy
B) he does not want to get help for his depression
a) there are community mental health services that are free or fees based on ability to pay.
C) he wants to have his cake (plus reserve) and eat it too, as the expression goes.
D) he is so in a rut that he cannot figure out how to pull up on his own boot straps, as the saying goes.
Please answer the questions Firmus and EEK have posed.
Final thought:
Your guy needs to actively work on himself {self help) & get some professional counseling. If he is unwilling to look into the latter and balks at the former. You have to decide whether or not to stay with him and of what benefit it is to you to do so. I've been associated with two people who have depressed behaviors and it was no fun. They were certainly not relationships worth continuing with my time and effort. Thinkaboutit.
dancingdoc2
