OP: Only second base after 6 weeks??

I've been seeing a girl now for six weeks. We've gone out a dozen or more times and get on very well. On Thursday she not only invited me back to hers, but let me stay over and sleep in her bed. Unfortunately for me, she said there'd be no sex. We fooled around, but she wouldn't let my hands wonder below her waist.

I tried very, very hard to conceal my desperation. But ultimately my frustation became too much and I attempted to change her mind, telling her how frustrating it was for me, a red-blooded male, to lie next to a such a beautiful, sexy women. Whilst she lapped up the compliments she wasn't sympathetic, rather she rubbed her forefinger and pinky together and told me she was playing the world's smallest violin, just for me.

She's not a virgin, but said she likes to take things slowly before committing to a sexual relationship.

My mate says she's a cock tease on a power trip because she can smell my desperation. Given that we get on so well, not to mention the fact that's the closest I've ever come to sex, I think I just have to suffer in silence. My mate says I'll be totally pussy-whipped in the relationship. He says what I should do is turn her down the first time she's willing to have sex, and say that I want to wait a bit longer! LOL, as if that's going to happen.

It sucks to be a guy sometimes.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:52


so how is it that she's teasing? It's rather simple; you enjoy her company with these restrictions and be happy about it. Or you refuse what it is she offers. No-one forced you to sleep in her bed and fool around with her, did they? So don't act like you didn't have a choice.

That said; frustration can feel terrible. But on some levels frustration is something you're going to have to learn to be able to handle. Just like as a toddler you've learned you can't eat candy all day, no matter how much you wanted it. Crying and nagging about it made it more likely to have it denied from you than given. Sexual frustration isn't much different. Just don't go on till the point frustration breaks you in halve. Find the balance between what's good for you and other people. There's nothing wrong with giving into any sexual craving, as long as the other person wants and enjoys it too. Be careful when walking the line you've chosen to walk. There's no need to start getting pushy. Or trying to coheres her into it by advertising yourself as desperate. After all; if she had agreed out of pity, would it really have made you feel better? Or what if she had done this for you and then gotten angry/sad/regretful, would that have made you feel proud? If you have any self-respect and respect her, actually: like her, you won't be able to answer either question with "yes". You say you get along, so go along with it and see where it takes you. It seems to me you're spoiling what you could be enjoying now over something that may happen tomorrow (and you may actually be cheating yourself out of that by behaving the way you do!). The decision is up to you. If you're not willing to do this with her, then find someone else who does want to move at your pace.

Also; sexual frustration is not a guy-thing, I can assure you. Neither are there any guidelines for women to behave before or after losing their virginity. So best to stop thinking in terms of gender and start thinking about being a human being. Even better; start viewing you two as individuals with unique personalities. It is actually rather insulting to assume men can't handle frustrations and are following their dicks instead of using their power of free will, when they have just as perfectly evolved brains as the other 51% of our species.

Hope this helps. Good luck! And don't forget to enjoy yourself! :)


Posted: 08 Oct 22:52

Maybe your girlfriends following the 90 day rule. Or maybe she is really a he, and hasn't had the op yet! Only kidding.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:52

She laid out the rules before you climbed into bed. Your climbing in implied agreement to those restrictions. Perhaps she is on a power trip and is a tease. If so, then you gave her a great boost. Though I do not agree with her actions, you had alternatives.

"That is the closest I've ever come to sex" is a very revealing statement. At this point in your sexual experience, rubbing your erection against her thigh would have brought you relief very rapidly and may have been a surprise to her. I suspect you were being tested. You failed.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:52

not that I am old; however, there is something to adages like: "all good things comes to s/he who waits!"

> My mate says she's a cock tease on a power trip because she can smell my desperation. Given that we get on so well, not to mention the fact that's the closest I've ever come to sex, I think I just have to suffer in silence....

What I believe is that your mate "knows not of what he speaks;" moreover, his ideas are typical of males with no knowledge of or an appreciation for the differences between the genders when it comes to liking, loving, and romancing each other. His only frame of reference is himself and other uneducated guys. It is typical for guys to believe that a girl's sexuality is not all that dissimilar from their own. Not true.

For most guys, we can separate sex for sex sake from the entanglements of romance, not so for most women for which sex and romance are interlinked with some likelihood of psychological stress. My recommendation: take the time and interest to learn about the differences between the genders and to not make unsubstantiated generalizations!

"Back in the day"/my day, dating was a slow and somewhat deliberate process that advanced over time (several months). Boys who attempted to rush the sexual (as apposed to the romantic) aspect were often told "no", or "not yet", and their rush to show their "love" and desire and affection, and need to prove all this quickly while hoping to get their rocks off, all without much if any real foundation for the fledgling relationship was the way it was.

We regularly read about guys doing lots of "foreplay". The word has morphed into a generic term for what used to be divided into the following terms and processes:
A. Necking
B. Petting
C. Heavy Petting
D. Foreplay

I wouldn't be surprised if I am the only person on the site who still references these terms that are specific to a progressive range arousal techniques.

a. Kissing and caressing limited to activities above the shoulders
b. Kissing and caressing limited to activities about the torso with clothes on.
c. Kissing and caressing and fondling of the entire body along with the progressive removal of clothing
d. Kissing and caressing and fondling of the erogenous zones (breasts, genitals, and other sensitive areas, plus all of the above, with the specific intent of peaking our partner's level of arousal, often ending with a climax.
e. Intercourse

I recommend that the two of you build a healthy interpersonal relationship with each other and as you do, learn to show your affection is slow steady steps over several months. In doing so you will demonstrate to your g/f your interest in her, her importance to you as a person (not a sex object), and together you can explore and learn together. Please know and understand that sex is not what we do to each other (or stingily--ourselves); rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. Sex is not all about just orgasms and feeling good. Sex has more to do with the expression of emotions we feel for each other.

SLOW DOWN. "Smell the roses." If you are stressed--masturbate.



Posted: 08 Oct 22:53

The lady tested you and you FAILED. You did not honor the agreement that you had accepted when you laid down in her bed. Instead of snuggling up and quietly going to sleep - you began TALKING about how desperate YOU were.

Women do NOT believe compliments - especially when coming from a male who wants sex. All she heard from you was "me, Me, ME!"

So there you were, NOT honoring the contract, failing the test by proving yourself to be SELFISH, willing to be DISHONEST in the pursuit of what YOU want, and then you go and blather on about it to your "mate" who is just as ignorant as you are thus proving that you aren't INDEPENDENT.

I want you to think about how it is to be female with almost every male out there behaving as you did. Now, ask yourself if you have won her trust or earned her respect? No, you haven't and therefore you have failed. Since she is undoubtedly a nice forgiving soul, she may continue to see you but unless you change your ways, you will continue to fail to build this relationship.

If you want to be successful with this lady - GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.
Safe, reliable, honest, discreet; a fun and generous lover who is fun to be with both in and out of the bedroom.
Got that?


Posted: 08 Oct 22:53

You need to get rid of that "mate" of yours right now. He's gross, ignorant and a misogynist.

Taking his advice will ruin any chance you ever had with women.

The thing is, she can smell your desperation. You deliberately spouted it at her. Now she knows that you're a whiny selfish kid who wants sex for his own sake, and not to be with her as a person. I strongly suspect you'll be waiting longer now than you otherwise would have, because you've got to earn back her respect.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:53

> I strongly suspect you'll be waiting longer now than you otherwise would have, because you've got to earn back her respect.

...because you've got to find a brand new person with whom to start fresh and this might take quite a bit of time. This seems to me to be your best rebound option. Take what you have learned here and apply it to a new relationship.



Posted: 08 Oct 22:53

I think the guy should have said "I understand what you're saying, but this is what I'm looking for. Goodbye for tonight." It's not her responsibility to take care of him, and also she has no control of him if her options aren't what he's wanting.

At the same time, I think It's kind of being a "bad sport" or whatnot of the woman. Yes she was upfront and all that, but still it's seems obvious to me that she had to have figured this was going to be difficult for him. That's like baking a delicious chocolate cake and having it on the table, but "well no we're not going to eat it silly! Just look at it, or maybe you can read the empty cake mix box and icing can?" She had what I'd consider a long shot of a proposal, and he went with it. At the very least, I understand her wanting to take her time going into the relationship, it just seems to me that normal social conventions don't have people over to spend the night, alone, in the same bed, BEFORE moving on to the sexual aspect of the relationship. I'm assuming this isn't a high school sleepover? I'd just as soon sleep in my own comfy bed thanks.

But I digress, yes she said what to expect. Regardless of if it's "right" or "odd" isn't our matter, but rather he went ahead with it yet expected something more would happen.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:54

the Puritans did this. It was called Bundling. So one could really say this lady was being 'historical' rather than 'unfair'.

Of course an experienced male, such as yourself, would not have accepted such a bargain in the first place, recognising it as a "no win situation", would have declined charmingly and thereby would have PASSED THE TEST.

Guys, please remember, when being 'tested' some times it is better to say NO, THANK YOU, DARLING and decline to play her game.


Posted: 08 Oct 22:54

Add a Reply!