OP: Dating a new guy... he's inexperienced

Too many men, especially those lacking experience, have been convinced somehow that it is up to them to "teach the woman" what she wants. I must admit that I have given up on more than one after a single encounter. Not worth my time.

Firstly, do not fall for the old excuses to do away with the condom. Every teen male has a million reasons and ways to get in you bare. Those who do not mature may continue this nonsense into "adulthood." There is no reason other than his own desire to experience bare sex for this to happen.

Why not do an evening of role reversal. Tell him he is to be the submissive whilst you become dominant (I am not speaking BDSM; simply traditional gender roles). You then do to him exactly what and how you want him to for you. If he picks up on it, great! If not, be prepared for a LONG training program. If he finds this rather blatant hint a turnoff, that is his problem and he will go away leaving you free to find a more satisfactory partner.

A more mature man will find the switch to be enjoyable, educational and will respond; less mature, will be scared off at his maleness being challenged.

Brandye

Posted: 08 Oct 22:37

As a mostly inexperienced man I want to learn rather than assume that I know everything, especially when it comes to the difficult question of what a woman really want.

@OP: losing erection because of the condom is a really lame excuse to hide the fact that he probably got nervous ,thus losing his erection, which he may consider embarrassing for his potent manhood or something due to his lack of knowledge.
Coupled with the aggressive kissing it simply points that you both(mostly he does) need to get used to being physically relaxed and trusting with each-other more before attempting again.(because I bet he thinks you might find him unmanly or unsatisfying)

Assuming you do have the patience, the idea of role-reveral is good and also sounds really fun.

Male Apprentice

Posted: 08 Oct 22:37

Relationships, including the sexual and romantic aspects, are partnerships. They are not about what we do to each other, rather, what we do with and for each other. This is an important concept for both parties to understand.

Please take Brandye's points to task. As for birth control: Both of you should look out for and protect A#1--you. If you are not ready and do not want to chance becoming an unwed mother and to have the next 20 years of your life forever changed, then you should use some form of highly reliable contraceptive--be it a pill, diaphragm, sponge, or IUD. If your partner is not ready and does not want to chance becoming an unwed father and to have the next 20 years of his life forever changed, then he must use a condom! The two of you should also use a third line of defense just to be on the really safe side. Use a spermicide in addition to the other two methods. Never convince yourself to depend upon your partner for your protection; there are too many chances for slip-ups and errors.

Before you make love and/or have intercourse, again, get with your doctor and find a method that works for you.
Before you make love and/or have intercourse, any time, insist that your boyfriend use a condom without fail each and every time--no exceptions. If he wants, insists, or whines that he has this or that issue with them, just say "too bad" but those are the rules. Respect me, my body, my future, our relationship going forward. At no time is a woman more prone to becoming pregnant than she is in her teens and twenties. A boy/man must understand this, or else.

I'm here to tell the two of you and especially him that as good as intercourse is, a good h/j &/or b/j can be much more intense! (Most every guy wants and lives for intensity.)

> I have been dating a really awesome guy for about a month. We recently starting getting physically intimate. He is inexperienced but very enthusiastic

WOE...slow down girl...take your time and do not give the impression that you are "easy". My recommendation is to spend a few weeks/dates just kissing, the up the game for a few more weeks Necking, then Petting, then Heavy Petting, all before getting to the Foreplay stage. I recommend not even going beyond Foreplay for a few months. Get to know one another.

> He kisses very aggressively which can become unpleasant. I've tried to pace him by kissing more gently and even pushing him away slightly to encourage him to hold back a little and I don't think he quite gets the hint.

No, probably not.

Another one of my recommendations for couples is to "explore and learn together." I urge you to tell him this and to work together. For example, you may understand the basics for stroking a penis yet what is not generally understood by newbies is that each guy has variations to the theme that are unique to him. Also, each of the women that have been in my life over the years to to be too rough in the beginning, exhibiting abrupt starts and stops in their motion at the two ends of a stroke. OUCH. Guys tend to be rough when it comes to "man handling" girl parts. My recommendation for both parties is to show the other how manipulate yourselves and then to take his/her hand and move it in ways and in time with what you need.

Your boyfriend must understand that passion comes in two distinct forms: physical and emotional. Emotional tends to be a softer gentler form while physical tends to manifest itself outwardly. What he must understand is that physical expressions can be rough or soft. What he must do is learn to express his outward expression softly and not in a way that is hurtful to you.

> We tried to have sex but he couldn't stay erect and claims it was due to a dislike of condoms. I understand it is not the greatest feeling but I'm not ready to not use a condom with him. I told him he needs to figure out how to make it work while wearing it.

Going back to what I said about partnerships, my first recommendation is for you to devote some time stimulating his genitals and this includes prepping his penis for a condom. You can bring about his erection, and, you can unwrap and roll a condom on his penis all the while doing what might be necessary to maintain an erection. (This should be an "ah hah" moment, because if you do these things for him, he will no doubt have a much more intense reaction, be better able to maintain an erection, and, you will be doing something very positive for him.)

Men do have a tendency to go soft, often at the most in opportune time. So What? Just go back to "Square One" and begin again.

> Would a partner telling you how to kiss/fuck/pleasure them be a turn off?

Not necessarily, yet it is possible. Much depends upon how open each of you is to learning. I recommend that the two of you agree early on to "explore and learn together". Do some "show and tells" and include feedback as to how each of you is responding and for what you need now/next.

None of us are mind readers so this is of critical importance. Combined with the fact that each man and each woman has unique and personal variations to the gender specific theme about how to turn the other person on and build arousal and passion and you can understand why what worked for one individual does not necessarily work for another in quite the same way--and it is this fact that most guys do not grasp for a long time.

> Would a partner telling you how to kiss/fuck/pleasure them be a turn off?

Not if the two of you are open to new ideas.
Not if your boyfriend does not think that you are being critical and hitting on his fragile male ego.

> How much instruction is too much instruction?

2 hours! ;-)

> Is there a good way to approach the subject without making him feel stupid/inexperienced? We are both mid to late 20s so we should be capable of talking about these subjects.

As above, engage in some "show and tell" then taking each others hand and moving it in ways that please you until s/he can duplicate the movements unaided, all the while providing feedback. Explore and learn together in partnership.

I urge that you show your boyfriend this thread and its responses and that the two of you read those posts that are considered "sticky" that are placed at the top of each forum category. There is some great info to be found there. Encourage him to begin a thread should he have any questions and concerns. The site exists to help everybody so if he does have a sensitive ego, then knowing this should make life much more comfortable for the two of you.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

dancingdoc2

Posted: 08 Oct 22:38

Whining about the condoms is kind of a red flag. Not listening to how you want to be touched is also a red flag.

I was once given a great peice of advice; "when someone shows you who they are, believe them".

So no more of this "he's a good guy really" stuff, because when it comes to his actual actions he's not measuring up.

You need to be 100% clear on this. Actually talk to him. No "signals and signs". Let him know what you want, what's not cool, and that the condom is staying on no matter how hard he stamps his widdle foot.

Telling a partner how to kiss/fuck/pleasure you is what you're SUPPOSED to do. It's not a turn off; it's how the game is played. If you are just letting him do whatever then you're not really having sex, not really participating, you're just letting him use you like a fleshlight.

llovell

Posted: 08 Oct 22:38

Dear MaryElizabeth, tell him you want to be kinky and tie him blindfolded & spreadeagled down the bed and then kiss him the way you want to kiss, touch him the way you want to touch him: all the while murmuring gently things like "mmmm see how nice it is to intrigue" varying your touch from barely felt to he thinks you're drawing blood, purring in his ears, teasing his flesh with your hands, lips, tongue and hair, sliding down his body skin-on-skin.
Education is wicked fun!

CONDOMS ARE MANDATORY for any new relationship

Posted: 08 Oct 22:38

Condoms have to be on...far too much other things could go wrong let alone for it to go terribly right.

You should always communicate what you want. How else is he to know? Although if you feel unready to teach maybe you need someone who is more hip to the game...as it is said on the streets.

Now, that I've gotten a little bit better about things, I'm very clear about my inadequacies which seems to avert most discomfort, if only because most women run away screaming.

Gingerbread Geoff

Posted: 08 Oct 22:39