Relationships, including the sexual and romantic aspects, are partnerships. They are not about what we do to each other, rather, what we do with and for each other. This is an important concept for both parties to understand.
Please take Brandye's points to task. As for birth control: Both of you should look out for and protect A#1--you. If you are not ready and do not want to chance becoming an unwed mother and to have the next 20 years of your life forever changed, then you should use some form of highly reliable contraceptive--be it a pill, diaphragm, sponge, or IUD. If your partner is not ready and does not want to chance becoming an unwed father and to have the next 20 years of his life forever changed, then he must use a condom! The two of you should also use a third line of defense just to be on the really safe side. Use a spermicide in addition to the other two methods. Never convince yourself to depend upon your partner for your protection; there are too many chances for slip-ups and errors.
Before you make love and/or have intercourse, again, get with your doctor and find a method that works for you.
Before you make love and/or have intercourse, any time, insist that your boyfriend use a condom without fail each and every time--no exceptions. If he wants, insists, or whines that he has this or that issue with them, just say "too bad" but those are the rules. Respect me, my body, my future, our relationship going forward. At no time is a woman more prone to becoming pregnant than she is in her teens and twenties. A boy/man must understand this, or else.
I'm here to tell the two of you and especially him that as good as intercourse is, a good h/j &/or b/j can be much more intense! (Most every guy wants and lives for intensity.)
> I have been dating a really awesome guy for about a month. We recently starting getting physically intimate. He is inexperienced but very enthusiastic
WOE...slow down girl...take your time and do not give the impression that you are "easy". My recommendation is to spend a few weeks/dates just kissing, the up the game for a few more weeks Necking, then Petting, then Heavy Petting, all before getting to the Foreplay stage. I recommend not even going beyond Foreplay for a few months. Get to know one another.
> He kisses very aggressively which can become unpleasant. I've tried to pace him by kissing more gently and even pushing him away slightly to encourage him to hold back a little and I don't think he quite gets the hint.
No, probably not.
Another one of my recommendations for couples is to "explore and learn together." I urge you to tell him this and to work together. For example, you may understand the basics for stroking a penis yet what is not generally understood by newbies is that each guy has variations to the theme that are unique to him. Also, each of the women that have been in my life over the years to to be too rough in the beginning, exhibiting abrupt starts and stops in their motion at the two ends of a stroke. OUCH. Guys tend to be rough when it comes to "man handling" girl parts. My recommendation for both parties is to show the other how manipulate yourselves and then to take his/her hand and move it in ways and in time with what you need.
Your boyfriend must understand that passion comes in two distinct forms: physical and emotional. Emotional tends to be a softer gentler form while physical tends to manifest itself outwardly. What he must understand is that physical expressions can be rough or soft. What he must do is learn to express his outward expression softly and not in a way that is hurtful to you.
> We tried to have sex but he couldn't stay erect and claims it was due to a dislike of condoms. I understand it is not the greatest feeling but I'm not ready to not use a condom with him. I told him he needs to figure out how to make it work while wearing it.
Going back to what I said about partnerships, my first recommendation is for you to devote some time stimulating his genitals and this includes prepping his penis for a condom. You can bring about his erection, and, you can unwrap and roll a condom on his penis all the while doing what might be necessary to maintain an erection. (This should be an "ah hah" moment, because if you do these things for him, he will no doubt have a much more intense reaction, be better able to maintain an erection, and, you will be doing something very positive for him.)
Men do have a tendency to go soft, often at the most in opportune time. So What? Just go back to "Square One" and begin again.
> Would a partner telling you how to kiss/fuck/pleasure them be a turn off?
Not necessarily, yet it is possible. Much depends upon how open each of you is to learning. I recommend that the two of you agree early on to "explore and learn together". Do some "show and tells" and include feedback as to how each of you is responding and for what you need now/next.
None of us are mind readers so this is of critical importance. Combined with the fact that each man and each woman has unique and personal variations to the gender specific theme about how to turn the other person on and build arousal and passion and you can understand why what worked for one individual does not necessarily work for another in quite the same way--and it is this fact that most guys do not grasp for a long time.
> Would a partner telling you how to kiss/fuck/pleasure them be a turn off?
Not if the two of you are open to new ideas.
Not if your boyfriend does not think that you are being critical and hitting on his fragile male ego.
> How much instruction is too much instruction?
2 hours! ;-)
> Is there a good way to approach the subject without making him feel stupid/inexperienced? We are both mid to late 20s so we should be capable of talking about these subjects.
As above, engage in some "show and tell" then taking each others hand and moving it in ways that please you until s/he can duplicate the movements unaided, all the while providing feedback. Explore and learn together in partnership.
I urge that you show your boyfriend this thread and its responses and that the two of you read those posts that are considered "sticky" that are placed at the top of each forum category. There is some great info to be found there. Encourage him to begin a thread should he have any questions and concerns. The site exists to help everybody so if he does have a sensitive ego, then knowing this should make life much more comfortable for the two of you.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
dancingdoc2
Posted: 08 Oct 22:38