OP: We don't share the same passion for learning / intellectual stimulation
I don't even remember how long I've been with my man. We moved in together about a year ago, and things have been going great. No complaints until recently.
First let me state he is almost exactly EVERYTHING I've ever wanted in a man. He's brilliant. Has several degrees. A good job. He's funny. He's sweet. He adores me, and takes excellent care of me. He gets along with my family. He likes making art.
Well, I am a very curious individual. I try to learn something new every single day. If not frequently throughout the day. I'm always reading or doing research about this or that.
I've discovered recently he doesn't share the same interest in learning I do. Which confounds me because he's very smart and has several college degrees, including graduate degrees, in very difficult and complicated fields. (I recently found out he got the degrees he did because he thought they were easy and he's good at it. Not because he cares.)
He actually doesn't seem to have any other interests than World of Warcraft. We recently moved to California....well, okay about 8 months ago. We know people out here. We know places to go and things to do, and yet....he doesn't ever seem interested. His intellectual interests are lacking, and when I've confronted him on this, he said his interests do not lie in learning or creating, like mine do. I cannot, in fact, get an answer out of him about what his interests actually are because he won't tell me. I am sure it is simply an issue of him not knowing where his interests lie. This has been an issue with me for weeks and when I discovered it was bothering me, I told him right away because that's the kind of relationship we have. All the problems we bring out in the open and try to solve them.
But this one, we haven't been able to find a solution for.
Am I wrong for feeling as though both my emotional and intellectual stimulation should be fueled in part by my significant other? I've never been one to be obsessed in a relationship or shut out my friends. I want to be *part* of someone's life, but not their *entire* life, and I understand that having separate interests is healthy. There's no complaint or disagreement there.
I have friends that I talk to. We have great conversations about science, history, biochemistry, you name it. So I leave the coffee shop all excited and happy, my mind bursting with new experiences and spinning wildly as it wraps around these new thoughts.
I get home, and I just feel like there's a void. I feel like I'm just coming home to companionship and sex and nothing more. I can't recall the last time we had an intellectual conversation. I bring up things I found interesting, we talk about our days, and when I say what I learned today he just shrugs me off. He doesn't enjoy learning the same way I do, and I feel as though it's causing a serious problem in our relationship. I've found I've recently started sexually fantasizing about a male friend of mine who *does* stimulate me intellectually. I am interested in this friend's mind. I find intelligence to be a turn on. I know I do not want to date him. I do not harbor any romantic feelings for him. The fantasy is just a portrayal of how important intelligence is for me in regards to my sexuality and my partner. I know it's my desire for a more intellectually stimulating lover. But I do not wish that lover to be anybody other than my boyfriend.
I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I do genuinely want to build a future together. We have been fine all this time, until now. I feel as though something changed, and I don't know what it is. I keep analyzing it, and I am coming to no sound conclusions.
I am not trying to change him. I don't want to change him. I just want to get past this. We've discussed it to no avail. He says he just doesn't care about learning everything he possibly can learn. The problem is on my end and mine alone. It's not his responsibility to care about everything I care about. (Lord knows I certainly don't care about World of Warcraft!) But I feel as though it's affecting our ability to continue to connect on a deeper level, and I'm having serious trouble getting past this.
Posted: 06 Oct 22:56