by just caressing or massaging the outside of the anus. No penetration at all. Just discovering those sensations and see if you enjoy it.
By that I don't mean "stampeding" towards the anus either. But gradually and slowly after all the petting, necking, foreplay, even lovemaking, etc that you'd usually do, so that you're completely relaxed and feel in tune with your partner. Then; slowly move your focus. This could be done by him massaging your back, the back of your legs, the buttocks, etc. Once arrived at the anus; start with light touches. He can use his fingers, but also his tongue (rimming) or even his penis. Increasing touch whenever you want. Because the body can tell you "more", but once it's been treated too harshly it's almost impossible to feel softer touch, let alone enjoy it.
You can combine things too. It's up to you to say whether you'd like the touch to be focused on the anal area or not. The anus is packed with nerve-ending, about as much as a clitoris! Anal pleasure can therefor feel very intense. Even so intense that there shouldn't be any other distraction. Whereas other people find that other stimulation, often clitoral, should be combined with anal stimulation.
As an example; when I started experimenting with anal sex my lover would at first caress my anus with one of his fingers while we were having vaginal sex. That was actually too much to feel for me at first; I felt overwhelmed by sensations! Best "starter" to me was laying in a spooning-position, while he put his erect penis in between my buttocks and just very lightly rub against my anus (not penetrating anything). Adding soft smoochy kisses on my neck and ears and caressing me with his hands. This does take some trust; he must be aware that it's not an invitation to penetrate.
In fact; he should be aware it could take a long time before you take anal sex that far. Perhaps you never will. You won't be the only woman who enjoys being rimmed, but not being penetrated. You won't be the first woman who enjoys penetration with a finger, but not a penis. It's about enjoying the exploration no matter where it takes you.
A few other things;
First; there's no-one telling you that you must explore together with your partner. I actually encourage people to somewhere along this process, (also) explore themselves. You are the only one who can feel what's good while feeling what you're doing at the same time. In the end; we are responsible for our own orgasms and finding out what pleases us.
Second: there's no-one telling you this exploration should be a one-way-street. Again; I would actually encourage people to make this journey together. If only because your partner will develop a proper understanding of how sensitive the anal area is.
Last, and this is actually the important big finale;
It must be all about YOU!
You can only do this for you. It's not enough to want to please your partner. You should be the one wanting to do this. And his focus -too- should be on your pleasure. Why? Because of the nature of the anus. I've explained this all in reply to another thread..
Any questions, feel free to ask. Wishing lots of fun and pleasure, dear mrsbarrera! :)
RedRoses
Posted: 05 Oct 09:06
