OP: unconscious cramping & nightmares

RedRoses, You might want to look up the term vaginismus. Of course, this isn't medical advice and I am not a doctor but it sounds similar to what I have been experiencing. In my case, it feels as if my pelvic area cramps and then throbs. When I went to the Ob/Gyn he said that it was because I needed to start taking estrogen again. I have had some pain during sex also and it felt as if my uterus was turning inside out.
A few years ago, I had a hysterectomy because I had fibroids and cysts. I had to have both ovaries out also. During that time I was having severe pain during sex. Every time my husband would go full length, it felt as if he was stabbing me with his penis.

As far as the other portion, what has helped me a lot, is meditation before sleeping. I started going to a therapist just this last week for the same experiences as you have mentioned. This was something I had stuffed down and not dealt with for 30+ years. I have woken up with similar nightmares, there have even been times where I have felt as if I could not differentiate between a dream and real life. Another thing that helped me to sleep are those relaxation mp3's or tapes. I would listen to those all the time before I went to sleep until I learned how to do that in my own head.

This seems very strange to me because I talked to one of my friends just last week and she said that she has been having the same thing and flash backs as well.
HTH

changingmyself

Posted: 23 Sep 09:27

You need stress relief. Here are some thoughts you may find useful.

1. You arms are too short to box w God - some things are just out of your ability to control so - stop trying to control them or fix them.

2. Other people make their own choices and are entitled to, just as you are to make your own choices. Accept the adulthood of others.

3. Let it out! Whatever it is: sing, cry, dance, put your fist through some bread dough, scrub the floor - whatever it takes - do something robustly physical and tiring to use the emotional/nervous energy up. Ride your bike maniacally throught he streets and tell people you're training for the Tour de France.

4. have a stiff drink and go sit in a very hot hot-tub

Your subconcious mind is reacting to the recent stressful events. You feel negatively (do not like) these recent events and are therefore unhappy. While you can 'gloss this over' when awake, you CAN'T when asleep - for then your subconcious mind automatically goes to work and gets on with the sorting out and knitting of knowledge, impressions and emotions into a coherent whole.

This must also be allied to a person's temperment. I, who am not very romantic, who am pragmatic and one who tends toward wrath and confrontation, rarely dream or wake up stressed: phyiscally or mentally.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 23 Sep 09:28

Changing,

This is NOT vaginismus. She is a regular poster and enough is known to rule that out.

Red,

With all going on in your life some physical manifestation of your psychological condition is to be expected. Talk it out with your counselor.

Brandye

Posted: 23 Sep 09:28

CM, thank you for your kind reply. But Brandye is right. Although your guess isn't that weird, since my physician has thought about possible vaginismus a few years back. Because I wasn't sexually active at the time, he said we had to "wait what would happen then" and for the time being advised the pelvic floor therapy. As soon as I became sexually active, it did take patience, but no pain at all. I'm sorry to hear about your hysterectomy. And I hope you've overcome your difficulties completely. Meditating can indeed be very soothing. And I wish for your friend to feel better soon!

EEK; your thoughts are helpful! Coincidentally I applied tactic 4 few of the other days. Not a stiff drink, as only a slightly bit of alcohol kicks in with me. Not much luck, but it did get me warm and fuzzy :) And I applied tactic 3 yesterday. Because I couldn't think straight and felt restless, I've spent the day gathering and carrying rubbish/glass/paper and such to the collecting area's. That got me feeling more centered again. At least my body was as tired as my head was ;)

Though I have cheated on the effects, since I've slept at his place. And I did sleep -quite well actually- I even slept till late in the morning. A bit nightmary and confusing dreams, but no dreams as close and "real" as they appeared the other days. It's typical, since I've had trouble sleeping for as long as even my mom remembers :rolleyes:, which had reduced significantly after he and I started to sleep together. It apparently has something so soothing about it. Though we will be sleeping together for the next few weeks abroad as well, I feel it may have been wrong of me to accept his invitation... Since this night wasn't about practical sleeping arrangements; he could have picked me up in the morning. It was mostly about the soothing effects. You could say: about him helping me, instead of me helping myself.

Today we've been on an outing and I feel really sleepy now. Which is highly unusual since it's only 10 o'clock in the evening here. I'll be sleeping alone and I wonder what tonight will bring me :) I'm hoping that one of these nights I'll be able to walk into my nightmare as a conscious adult and get to finish it (since I wake up screaming; there's no ending). I've had such an experience 9 months ago with a nightmare I've had repeatedly for 22 years. I've not had this specific nightmare since (although by previous experience, I should have encountered it several times by now). Until that experience happens with my current nightmares, I'll be patient. I know number 1 is most vital; acceptance. But could you explain what you mean by thought 2: "Accept the adulthood of others"?

Brandye, I guess that one sentence says it all. And I will discuss everything with my counselor as soon as both she and I are back on Dutch soil.

RedRoses

Posted: 23 Sep 09:28

Certainly RR,

Other people we care about will oft times make decisions that we disagree with: think are foolish or destructive or just wrong. And yet, even if we voice our disagreement, we have to accept these decisions out of respect for that person since he/she is an adult and is therefore entitled to make such decisions.

I would not appreciate others interfering in my choices so, fair being fair, I must also refrain from interfering in theirs.

I believe that your recent interpersonal relationship conundrum is taking its toll on you in part because you don't like it and yet refuse to accept it - you are, in effect, at war with yourself; hence the chaos in your sleep.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 23 Sep 09:28

Thanks Brandye, I haven't read all the previous posts by RR, so I didn't know that had been ruled out already. I would have ruled it out for myself too considering that I have 4 children, but this started for me after the hysterectomy.

EEK, I think that you hit the nail on the head.

From what my therapist said, people that have been molested or raped feel that the need to control things as well as other people because the control was taken away from them. When things/people are out of our control, we get stressed and take it internally as Brandye stated above.

RR, have you ever taken control of your dreams? In my Psychology course at college, I learned that we have the ability to control our dreams, the professor said that in order to do this, we have to consciously think right before bed that we can control what we dream about and that in order to do this, look at your hand in your dream. It is like your conscious breaks in the dream and says...this is my dream, I decide what I dream. I started practicing this nightly and if I am having a bad dream, I will wake myself up, if I am having a good dream, I can get up, go to the bathroom and then return to the good dream.
Another thing that helped me is writing down my dreams/nightmares. Now I do not write them down but my husband asks me as soon as I wake, what I dreamed about, this is especially helpful when I cannot tell what is real and what is not. Thank you for your kind words also! You are all such sweet pleasant people on here. :)

changingmyself

Posted: 23 Sep 09:29

EEK; you are sweet, without a doubt :)

Perhaps first would be accepting my own decisions; at times I tend to only stand by a decision, after I've reviewed the effects. And I'll have a tough pickle accepting his lack of deciding. His ways cause me to seek protection, putting my guard up and down. By now I know he thoroughly has two ways of deciding; he gets stuck and needs reassurance (which he will not ask for, but the moment it's given, he's decided). Or he has decided and it's final. He's at peace with it and he will not look back. I'm hoping he will not go the last way, cause it usually means that he will only state a few motives and that's all the explanation anyone is going to get. What I do know is that until the moment of deciding arrives, he is extremely capable of continuing living his life apparently unaffected.

CM, I do sometimes write them down. I'm not able to become in control while dreaming, sometimes I do become conscious. The best I've achieved on rare occasions (and without knowing how) is that I've entered a dream as an adult. I'm usually child in my dreams. You could say I get to speak to myself at such moments, which can be very healing :) Because I'm less frightened as an adult than as child, I get to see the ending of the nightmare at times. Which seems to make me able to not have them repeat again.

RedRoses

Posted: 23 Sep 09:29