OP: Tips for making long distance work?

The Boy and I are currently quite a distance away. If all goes well within the next year or so, one or the other of us may be contemplating relocating. But the distance right now is not exactly conducive to developing and maintaining a relationship (especially when one of us cares far more than the other does, but that's a completely different issue.) I know that I am not the only one here who is in the situation where the distance permits that I see the person I love only a few times a year. How do you and your faraway partners deal with the distance? What problems do you have, and how do you work through them?

JustAGirl

Posted: 04 Oct 22:11

Replies:

i recently moved out of my home state (california) to nevada (in june) i last visited in august but because of his schedule i dont think we will ever see each other again unless i somehow come up with the money to move back.

im contemplating dropping everything (school) and just getting a full time job so i can move back and be incredibly poor for the rest of my life...but my judgement is too clouded by the fact that i miss him so much, so im not sure what to do

my advice is to not rush into any long term decisions without taking a step back to look at the whole situation...

eminatic

Posted: 04 Oct 22:12


I found they self-extinguish, unless marriage is eminent and part of the upcoming move.

sera300

Posted: 04 Oct 22:12


I did a long distance relationship for a year. Most of that time we didn't even know whether we'd be able to be close to each other. Luckily, we've ended up going to high school together - a boarding school.

I take it that you're the one who's a little bit more into the relationship.

That was me. I'll tell you everything I went through, and everything I'm going through now. The big difference is that you're a girl

First, to answer your question, try phone sex. It's great. You might want to start slow and work up to it - send each other sexy text messages. Do things, big things, things that make him remember why he wants to wait for you. Over Valentine's Day I sent my girl friend a huge thing of flowers. I mean big, like, well over $200. I'm a high school student without a job. That was big for me. No Christmas presents for me! Sacrifice proves everything.

Don't bend over backwards, though. Here's how you play long distance love. It's sort of like fishing. This person has, let's say, the "emotional steering wheel". Until a relationship is really solid, and I mean really solid, there won't be an emotional equilibrium consistently. Act like you're fishing. Let the fish take some line, think he's got the bait for himself, then pull him in. Let him know that you don't need him. You want him, god damn do you want him, but you don't NEED him. Don't just say that bluntly, though. But don't let him control you, emotionally. Stand up for yourself, even if it means you're risking something.

Everyone in a relationship needs to know that being with your significant other is a privilege, and everyone once and a while you need to remember to get down on your knees and say thank you.

I was a persistent bugger. My girl wouldn't even date me for two years until we were actually living at school together. Neither of us saw other people during that period. It takes a lot of faith to be 100% certain of that. But, we do what we do. It's been about a month and a half since we've been dating and seeing each other every day. It's wonderful, but don't think because you talk on the phone for three hours a night for a year that you know the person.

You do not know who he is yet. You just don't. You have an idea and you both probably have a deep connection with each other, but trust me, you don't know him yet. He doesn't really know you either.

Everything will change when you're together. You will have the same problems that all couples do. Once you hit the one month mark the sparkle of the "we're finally together" will be gone. After that there's gotta be something to make you both want it.

Long distance relationships feed off the fact that "oh my god everything would be so wonderful if we could just be in each other's arms!" Without that, they wouldn't last. But once you're together, that's gone. You actually have to be able to be content and routine with someone. It's a lot harder than it sounds. The transition is difficult.

I'm not sure we're going to make it. If we do, that would be great. If we don't, I'll bounce back, in time. You need to have that in mind, always.

If it's worth it, do what you have to do to make it worth. But really, it'll be better for you if you always remind yourself that you can walk away.

Good luck.

Ephemera

Posted: 04 Oct 22:13


My fiancee and I have been on and off long distance. On and off meaning we were apart for the first 10 months we were "together", then physically together two weeks, apart 2 months, lived together two months, and currently apart for another month.

First; phone sex is a great idea if you're comfortable with it. Its really the next best thing to sex in my opinion, and can bring you emotionally closer the same way actual intercourse does. Taking sexy (sexy doesn't always mean fully nude!) pictures and emailing them is a good way to spice things up. Web cams, are a huge asset, but personal for us it kind of lost its touch after we truly made love, we just phone sex now :D. To each his own though.

Second; a long distance will NEVER work unless both partners give 110% percent! Both partners have to be willing to give up their lives, their entire LIVES in case they must move to be with the other. You can't be wishy washy about it, either you love this person with all your heart and will do everything for them, or you don't. There is no "oh well I like them..." in a long distance relationship. There also must be absolute trust between each other, and daily communication if possible.

Third; the only problems I find is that you can get frustrated with the distance, and take it out on each other causing fights. Never go to bed angry, just like a normal relationship, talk it out and don't hold back your feelings or you'll resent your partner.

Fourth; regarding the last post: I believe long distance relationships don't always change so much once you are physically together. I'm not saying, that if you fight constantly and think "Oh if only he/she was here we wouldn't fight!" that you're right, those problems will follow you...But if you have a solid relationship, with good communication, it isn't that much of a transition. You already KNOW the person, its just their little habits you don't. Unless you have a pet peeve, or are easily annoyed I doubt it would be a deal breaker if your partner had a little quirk to their living style.

Anyways hope I answered all your questions. My fiancee and I have been together about a year and a half now. Mostly apart, but our relationship is as strong as ever, even with the problems I am facing at home. I am moving to be with him mid-November, and probably married next year. It CAN work, but by no means is it easy. To be honest I would not wish a long distance relationship on anyone, but love happens. PM me if theres anything else you want to ask. :)

curious_woman

Posted: 04 Oct 22:13





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