OP: How to tell her I can't stand her new hair and glasses?

I don't have a major problem, but would like some advice none the less.

My wife has gotten a new shorter hair-do that I don't particularly care for...and she just got a new pair of prescription glasses that I also don't like much. I know it's her choice, but she's asked me what I think and I've kind of avoided giving her the real answer. I told her that I wasn't used to her looking like that and I haven't decided what I think yet.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, but in my opinion, both the hair style and the glasses are much too "old looking" for her. She's 38, but these seem more like the styles a woman in her 50's or 60's would choose.

What's your opinion? Should a husband tell his wife that he prefers her to look a certain way or wear a particular hair style or glasses? Or should I stay out of it and just accept whatever she chooses for herself? If I do stay out of it....should I compliment them when she asks, even though I truly don't care for them?

I hate to make her feel self conscious about such things, but at the same time I like to look at my wife and feel turned on instead of turned off. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:05


She asked your opinion; therefore, tell her the "style" does not compliment her features bringing out her true beauty. It's how you tell her & how you say it to elicit a positive response. Additionally tell her what you feel looks best on her. Do you have a right to provide input? Yes, you do.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:06

Tell her, but do it gently. Like sera said, make positive suggestions, not just negative ones.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:06

Tell her you miss her beautiful longer hair. And leave it at that. You tell her her haircut and glasses make her look older, and she might rightfully punch you. I mean, of course you can tell her how you really feel... but if it's a woman you love, why would you want to make her feel insecure?


Posted: 07 Oct 00:06

Bah, with my girlfriend telling her that I like it the other way better doesn't do a damn thing for me.

She decided to cut her hair short, about as short as mine and I really don't like it. I told her I really love her long hair, but that doesn't stop her. It's the same with other things about herself.

Still, that's about all you can do though.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:06

I guess it depends on your relationship; my fiancée and I are very honest to each other, even brutally so sometimes :p. Recently he got a haircut...and decided to mess with my head saying the haircut was so bad he had to shave his head. I told him quite bluntly, I was not amused and it's a real turnoff to me, even thought it didn't make me love him any less. He was fine with it and apologized. It turned out he was only screwing with me lol but still he took my criticism. It's happened other times when it's been serious, but thats all I can think of atm.

If shes the sensitive type, do as suggested...when she asks say "Oh its alright, but I preferred it before...it accentuated your *insert comment about a feature of hers you like*". Make sure you let her know you love her either way though. :)


Posted: 07 Oct 00:06

In my experience honesty is the best policy.....that said, you can be honest "kindly" (see above posts by sera and little F).

Delivery of one's opinion needs to be considered and the impact it will make.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:07

You have to look at her for how many hours a day? all it is going to do is piss you off! If you dont tell her you are going to have those fellings brew inside for x number of days and then you will explode and hurt her fellings telling her you dont like the way she looks!! And all she is going to be thinking and telling her friends is, "why did'nt he tell me in the first place i love him and would have changed my look to please him". So think about it!

If your wondering how to tell her just be honest and say it in a nice voice and maybe after a massage or something.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:07

Be verry cearful with women i had the same satution before but i was so stupid when she asked me about my opnion of here hair color i told here what that hell it's so bad u look like a whore . I learned in the futuer how to say that u can say oh baby it's so nice but longer make u more sexy also ur eyes verry atractive why u hid it with this glasses i think u have to make and new one to let me see this beatful eyes baby and put her glasses off .
so sorry u have to pay some money for that to buy her a new glasses or contact lol


Posted: 07 Oct 00:07

Forget what a woman in her 50's and 60's would choose, does she or does she not look good? Be objective. Forget if you prefer longer hair, blondes, etc - does she look good or not? She may be just jazzing up her style a bit - as a trial. My own hair is subject to change without notice. Women llike to play with their hair. Just grin and bear it.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:07

I have always worn my hair short, I have even shaved my head twice. But my fiance has a vision in his head of a bride with long curls and a veil. So I promised to leave my hair long until our wedding. I can't wait to chop it all off on our honeymoon!!!!

It's about give and take. He likes long, I like short. I leave it long for his specific vision of a wedding day. Then it's my turn. And on the other side he has let me cut his hair however I damn well please on a few occasions. When I met him he had a ponytail. Now it's really short. Because one night I was like "Hey honey can I play with your hair?"


Posted: 07 Oct 00:08

Thanks everyone....for the replies.

I've tried dropping some hints, but they seem to go un-heeded. I even went as far as saying "why do you let your hairdresser cut your hair so short?", just before she went in for her last hair cut. She says she likes not having to spend a lot of time on it in the morning and shorter helps with that.

I guess part of the problem is that when we met, her hair was longish (I wouldn't say it was real long). She wears glasses and doesn't like contacts. I don't mind women with glasses and actually think they look attractive on many women. My wife also has weight issues and she's put on a sizeable amount of weight since we met. So....now I look at my wife and I see a significantly overweight woman with ugly glasses and too short of hair.

When we met, she was heavy (about 50 lbs overweight), but seemed to have her weight under control. She dressed fairly stylish considering that her size limited her clothing choices. Her glasses were a cute style and her hair was a length that complimented her body/face/proportions. I found her to be attractive and since she's now my wife, you know the rest of the story.

Now, only three years later, she's about 100 lbs overweight and most of her nicer clothes don't fit anymore. Her face is quite a bit fatter and the hair and glasses might work for a thinner woman....but to me, they just make her look fatter and older. She wears "fat clothes" (her name for them) that are not very flattering either and I'm having trouble finding her attractive to me lately.

She is trying to get back on track as far as weight issues go...but the hair and glasses and clothing could certainly (in my opinion) be changed to make a major improvement in her appearance regardless of the weight gain.

Maybe she's given up on looking good because she's too self concious about the weight? If, so...it is a shame because she can be an attractive larger lady when she puts some effort into it.

Anyway... I usually bite my tongue about mentioning any of this to her because I don't want her to be insulted or become more self concious or depressed about it. But, I'm getting to the point where I'm just not satisfied with her appearance anymore. I wish there were an easy way to fix it, but I know there isn't. That's why I'm asking for whatever advice I can get here.

Thanks for listening!


Posted: 07 Oct 00:08

Be honest but in a way that doesn't make it sound that she looks old or horrible. Just tell her that the glasses don't compliment her gorgeous eyes as much as they could & that you LOVE her hair a certain way...this way you're not saying "I hate your glasses & your hair look's horrible".

You want to approach this w/ a very sensitive tongue.

Now about the weight thing, I can relate. I too have a weight issue, I was about 50lbs overweight when I met my husband & now I am 100lbs overweight but that's because I had a baby 1 year ago & I am pregnant...again. It's hard to lose weight when you're expecting.

My husband has gained weight, he also no longer works out in the gym. I guess I don't mind it b/c I am gaining too so I feel not so alone, selfish yes, but it's true.

If your wife didn't just have a baby or isn't pregnant, perhaps it's time to join a physical activity TOGETHER. Start walking every day after work or dinner as a couple. Do it daily, make it a routine (or morning, which ever is better for your schedule).. Start eating REALLY healthy, she'll join in on it, drink lots of water & make comments about becoming healthy as a couple, not just for her. Don't let in that you're trying to change her, b/c you'll only make things worst.

After this happens, perhaps join a gym together or do more physical things together then be sure to compliment her every step of the way. If you give someone praise when they are making progress they'll want to hear it more & continue that.

I am guessing that your wife doesn't have much self esteem therefore has no reason to do anything positive & you just looking at her in a way that is less than loving (as your discussing here on this forum) is going to come across to her even if you don't think you're doing that.

It's an issue that is far more deeper than a hair cut & glasses. If you're not willing to help her, be her coach & support system, this is not gonna work & chances are she's going to allow herself to gain more weight & not care about your thoughts.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:08

Tell her the truth, in a very kind and gentle way. I'd rather know something looks bad then go around thinking it looks okay and finding out later no one told me. She'll appreciate it in the long run because she'll be rewarded by your wondering fingers and roving tongue, most likely.


Posted: 07 Oct 00:09

I suggest that you recommend to her one day that you bout go out and gets contact lenses for her
With the short hair make her aware that you loved it when her long hair lay on the pillow when she was sleeping ect
Also softly say to her at a romantic time that at times that when you see a woman with long styled hair that you think that style will look so nice on her
One thing I have learnt is that your complements can make or break a woman so be gentle
Good luck


Posted: 07 Oct 00:09

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