OP: Pretty sure I'm pregnant... what now?

Ok, lets all take a deep breath. Don't jump into any decisions today.
You need to sit with mom, I'm glad she is not freaking out on you like you
thought she might.
What Sera said is right. If you give this baby up for adoption, then you give this baby up for adoption. I have a friend who at 3 was adopted by her mother's mom and her step grandfather. Her birth mom wants to be called mom, her adopted mom wants to be called mom, and neither wants the other to be called mom. So an adoption with a close family member can have it's added difficulties. Plus does your mom want to be a grandma without the conflicts that this Aunt may put on that relationship. Have her look at all the pro's and the con's.
Plus it's your decision, if YOU carry it to term on keeping it or putting it up for adoption. The dad needs to be there for you, not that his imput is not to be considered but it's your body and your decision. Hang in there and take care of yourself, and your baby.

smallestoftheclan

Posted: 30 Sep 18:26

I want the baby.

I keep changing my mind because I really do want what's best for the baby. My mom's friend was looking to adopt a baby and when she heard I was pregnant, she recommended her adoption agency and she said she would pay somewhere around twenty thousand dollars. The woman's got a big house and a pool and a great family and 20k is a lot of money for a college student.... And I know that this woman could take care of it financially like I cannot.

But everytime I think about it, my heart breaks. What if adoption is what's best for the child? What if I'm what's best? Once I give it up, I can never get it back, though. I know that much.

I just want to do the right thing...

llblovesejw

Posted: 30 Sep 18:26

There are times where adoption is the best alternative since the Parents cannot cannot provide a good alternative for financing in the future & for "being there"...often teen parents work long hours and are not ready for a parenthood on top of it all. Remember you get to be it all; mom, student, teen, adult, employee, household keeper, cook, wife, etc. And raise a child who keeps you up at night.

If I was to choose adoption as my alternative; it would be someone who does not know me. It would be where I did not know the child & the new mom. All private adoptions give you finances for what you are giving up. Aways be certain it's a reputable agency...check it.

Just b/c the woman is well off; does not mean she is going to be a good mom either. However, often couples turn to adoptions when they cannot have a child and the child is very much wanted...it's been an unheard of dream. You & Billy need to look at the choices and make the one best for the BABY. This is your choice...with some of his input. Recall, he also has a right to the baby if YOU choose to put the baby up for adoption...he must sign. Meanwhile, even if you have the baby there is no guarantee he will be a full parent after the child is born...it may fall on you.

Stop, slow, and think...talk to him and look at all your avenues, you still have time. YOU have to choose what is best for the baby; allow no one to push you into anything. Being confused is normal.

sera300

Posted: 30 Sep 18:27

Are you looking at an adoption agency that will pay you to give up your baby for adoption? Is this the woman that your mom wants you to have adopt your baby? I know that some states allow this but I thought that was more for a surogacy than just an adoption. That sounds more like selling a baby or baby brokering, be very careful and have this agency checked out before dealing with them. If that is what you choose to do, giving the baby up for adoption that is.
Right now you need to take care of yourself, which will also be taking care of the child you are carrying. Has he told his parents yet? You mention that your mom now knows, how about your dad? I think more often than not when a young girl ends up finding herself pregnant that there is what I call a family meeting. You and the dad to be sits with your parents and his parents and discuss the situation. That does not mean that a decision is made right away, but the final decision that is made is the best one for the baby.
Find a good counselor to talk to so that you are comfortable with whatever decision that you do make. I guess somethings to consider is that when you hold or see the baby it will harder to give it up. And once you give it up it is very hard if not impossible to get it back. Know all your options, other than the support of the child leave money out of it, $20,000 may seem like alot of money yet in reality that can be gone in a heartbeat so don't look at it as if it going to change your life. Look at the cost of college, I know people who have $50,000, $75,000, $100,000 worth of student loans they are still paying off. And that is after already paying more than $20,000 off. Tuition, food and board, books, traveling to and from home, and other expenses exist. Add to that the cost of childcare and well......
You have to make a decision you can live with for the rest of your life, so don't make it lightly.

smallestoftheclan

Posted: 30 Sep 18:28

I told my mom again today that I plan on keeping my baby, but she keeps bringing up how unfair it was for her to use her mom (my grandmother) as a babysitter. And I mean KEEPS bringing it up. I think it's her saying that she's not ready to give up the freedom she just recently got because me and my brother are grown up now, just to be thrown into taking care of a baby again. I know it's unfair. I know it is. It may not have been the right thing to say (but it's really how I feel), but I told her she doesn't have to help if she doesn't want to...

llblovesejw

Posted: 30 Sep 18:28

Did your Grandmother offer to do this for you both? Remember, this is something your Mom is pointing out yet is outlining it's your responsibility. I think you aleady know it's your responsibility.

sera300

Posted: 30 Sep 18:28

I think your mom does have a good point. I was also born to young parents, and trust me they are always giving me the speech, I understand how it can be frustrating for you.

However, I think you do need to look at the idea of raising the baby from a certain "worst case" perspective. If you make the decision to keep it, think about doing so as if you had NO HELP, not from your mother, not even from your boyfriend (even though it does seem like he is a good guy who will do his best) If you do keep this baby, can you do it entirely on your own? You can't have it in the back of your mind that you will have someone else to rely on. Like your mother said, its not fair to her to have to end up sharing the burden of responsibility because you aren't in the position to provide fully for the child without her, (even though she probably will help because she is your mother and loves you and knows first hand what you're going through..its not so much a matter of her "wanting to help" as much as it is something of an obligation)

Good luck, its a hard decision and I hope you make the one that you are happy with and that will end up best for the kid

raez

Posted: 30 Sep 18:29

I don't know how my memom felt. I asked my mom how her mom felt about that, but she didn't answer, just kept yelling about that same thing over and over. And while I'm not currently employed, I am avidly looking for a job right now.
I'm not 100% sure (no one ever is) but I think I can do it. I'm extremely good at saving up money and since I don't currently have any bills or any taxes yet, I only need a small amount of money from each paycheck.

I know I have the problem of being a super-optimist sometimes. That may be a bad thing maybe, but I think it just helps me really put my mind to it. Like... I can do this. Me and Billy. We can do this.

Unfortunately, that's not "realistic" enough for my parents at this point.

llblovesejw

Posted: 30 Sep 18:29

i say your parents are worried about you for your health and its a big step from seeing someone to having kids, all you can do is be positive and get help / support as much as you can.
Like anything you jump over the learning stages which build up to the stages of doing what you want to do in life, eg kids, running a workplace being a manager or something, alot of things take time
just hope everything works out for you and the right people in your life come around when you need them

CLVR-HNDS_GUY

Posted: 30 Sep 18:30

Update.
- Went to doctor, everything's a-okay, ultrasound scheduled next month.
- Still avidly arguing with my parents about adoption. =(
- I've applied to four separate places for jobs just in the past two days. Sooner or later, someone's got to want to hire me right....?

llblovesejw

Posted: 30 Sep 18:30

not to rain on your parade..but I'm guessing you are going to need to apply to more than 4 places. For one thing, in the current economy there has been a shift in what kind of people are seeking which jobs. A lot of adults that have been laid off or having trouble finding a job are taking a larger proportion of jobs that normally are taken up by young people, or those without higher education. Also you've got the fact that you're pregnant working against you (though I do not know if you are making potential employers aware of this or not) Employers are going to be less inclined to hire someone that they think will be unable to work in a few months or will be asking for maternity leave in less than a year. If I were you I'd be putting in way more applications...you should pretty much be treating finding a job AS YOUR JOB until you get something. Also, increasing your likelihood of getting more than one place interested in hiring you is always good as far as giving yourself some options to choose from. Good luck with it though, I hope you are able to find something good fairly quickly.

Remember, you're parents have good advice and wisdom to give you, but in the end you need to do what is best for the baby and you, its ok to stick to your guns once youve made the decision that you feel is best. They are probably very concerned about you keeping the baby because they know that they will end up sharing some of the responsibility, which isn't necessarily fair as has already been discussed. If this is something that you really want you've got to be prepared for it in terms of them not helping you at all...you can't figure them into any part of your plans for raising the baby. They are grandparents and nothing more, not a free babysitter, not YOUR caretakers while you take care of the baby, not a supplement to your income, etc. I am sure they are also worried about you having to grow up faster than they would like, going from being a teenager straight to a mother forces you to skip a huge formative part of your life, I'm sure they would prefer you to have your freedom as a young adult rather than suddenly having to take on the responsibilities of raising a child. Their arguements are well founded..but in the end the decision is yours and at some point both sides will have to make peace with it. Just don't get too upset if for now they aren't very supportive of you not keeping it..once the baby is here they will love it just the same. Glad you are healthy and the pregnancy is going along fine! good luck with everything

raez

Posted: 30 Sep 18:30

As far as jobs go, I have a full time job and bachelor's degree but was applying for part time jobs for extra money since I don't make very much. I have applied to at least 10 places and haven't heard back from anyone. I have experience with cash registers and as a waitress and nothing! You might get lucky in retail if they are looking for holiday help. Just an FYI you probably need to get more applications out there!

sweetnothings

Posted: 30 Sep 18:31

Since you are in college, have you thought about seeking employment there? All you need is an entry level position and then demonstrate your ability to work your way up.

I understand your parents harping on you but think of it this way, it's good "training" for your future--demands, testing, & training to adapt to a newborn, to infant, to toddler...and then the wonderful years of teens!

sera300

Posted: 30 Sep 18:31

Yeah, along the lines of Sera's suggestion- I know at least some colleges (maybe more, I'm not sure if all do) offer a work-study program where they hire students into campus offices and such as reception workers or office aids. I worked in the gym at my college through work-study, and used the money to buy my first car. Its part of the financial aid package, so its a guaranteed job if you are eligible for it. I think the hours are limited though, however it is set up to be flexible with class hours, and a lot of times the work allows enough down time that you can usually multitask and be working on homework while sitting around waiting to answer phones or whatever. Plus since its on campus it doesn't require any extra travel time if you schedule it right before or after you are there for classes. It probably wouldn't be enough to support you entirely, but with another part-time job it could work out pretty well for you. Worth looking into.

raez

Posted: 30 Sep 18:31