OP: My GF is very insecure, how to help her?

I know we're all insecure to one point or another and I also said my girlfriend was fast on the undressing part BUT...

She's so insecure about herself ! For example, she refuses to be naked if there's a light on in the room. Also, she never wears skirts because she thinks she isn't pretty. She also keeps saying that maybe she's not the right girl for me 'cause we're so different but that's not sexual so I guess it doesn't have it's place here. However, you see the point.

Now, I know these things take time, I know some people are "just like that" but still, I'd like to make her aware that she IS beautiful and that she shouldn't hide herself under loose or ugly clothes. I'd like her to strip right in front of me with the lights on (Hell, it's going to take aeons before she strips for me, light or not).

So anyway ! Did any of you ever had to deal with similar issues ? How did it go ? I'm not necessarily looking for advice (thought it'd be nice), just to hear your experiences. This post is mainly just here for me to vent out a particular annoyance in my life: the caterpillar who didn't wanted to be a butterfly.

Thank you in advance. Forgive my bad english.


Posted: 02 Oct 19:57


First, your english is fine.

Second, does she disagree when you tell her she's beautiful? If so, ask if she thinks you are lying to her. She needs to understand that everyone has different ideas of beauty. She may not think she's pretty, but then she's not planning on dating her. It's what you think that matters.

Personally, I don't think I'm any kind of "God's gift" but I haven't done so badly. I've had guys that I (and others) have thought were drop dead gorgeous ask me out. So beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.

Other than that, it's just going to take patience on your part. Maybe by telling her enough, she'll start to believe it.


Posted: 02 Oct 19:58

Just because it's not sexual that doesn't mean it doesn't belong here... lots of things affect us sexually and sex affects many things about us.

My suggestion is that you look at her as a total package, so to speak. If she's insecure in general, that's one thing. If she's insecure with you that's a relationship issue.

You can't "make" someone secure and you truly can't change the way someone feels about herself. You can certainly support, encourage, and even require change, but that's the limitation.

I've seen situations where "insecurity" becomes a tool to manipulate the partner. I don't know if that's the case here, but use caution. You may not want to spend the rest of your life attempting to prove to her that she IS the girl for you.


Posted: 02 Oct 19:58

I dated one girl that was very insecure of herself, we hugged each other a lot, and through e-mail and on the phone, I always asked her if she wanted to try kissing/holding hands one day and she agreed that she would kiss/hold hands with me over the phone. But when we see each other in person, she shyed away from kissing/holding hands. I was trying to tell her ways to overcome shyness, but nothing will work no matter what I do. I wasn't trying to force her or anything, just trying to teach her to have more confidence around guys. I dated her for several months, then we ended the relationship. Not because of the kissing/holding hands part, we ended the relationship because she moved out of state somewhere with her mom. I miss talking to her though, very sweet girl.


Posted: 02 Oct 19:58

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