A topic that has fascinated me for a long time...
I've been contemplating on posting about it, so now here it is. I hope you will dig in and give me some honest opinions! :)
Ethics
It poses questions such as; in what ways are you influencing your child, by withholding it it's biological father? Is it the way you'd want to conceive a baby? And isn't it weird for you as parent to not know who is responsible for 50% of your baby's DNA?
Anonymous or not?
In the Netherlands, up to a few years ago it was possible to donate your semen anonymously. Not any more. It basically means that children are allowed to ask for the contacts of their donor, once they've grown-up. And in case of emotional distress a court may decide to give such information while the child is still under aged. It's a one way street; donors can not ask for information of or contact with the children or their mothers. Only when the child decides to contact him, such could be possible.
Applying to be a parent
And that arrangement has made the number of spermdonors drop dramatically. The "spermbanks" we used to know are gone. The clinics have to do with sometimes only 3 or 4 men, so that parents wanting to conceive through such donors, are lucky if they get to pick skin/hair-color. It creates long waiting lists, there's a maximum of 5 kids per donor. Wanting-to-be-parents have to apply for the semen, as if applying for a job, only more personal. The procedure is not only accessible for parents of whom the male is infertile, it's also for lesbians and single women. Since medical cases are put on priority and even for them there isn't enough of this so important ingredient, you may see that however qualified as parents they may be, the others are often not even getting close to the jackpot.
Informal roads to semen
Usually those who arrive at a clinic for donated semen, do not have the option of a male friend who'd want to do the honors. So what happens; there are a lot of websites appearing fast as mushrooms in autumn, where the wanting parents are trying to get in contact with men who would donate. It's like dating over the internet, only with very different purpose ;) Once found, and there seem to be a lot of pretenders too, there is a standardized contract on which either party can add specific demands before signing. And the male displays a copy of a STD-test (of which one hopes it is valid). He passes by every once in a while with a cupa semen, which the women inject at home themselves, until pregnancy occurs. There ares some rather creative solutions of single women/lesbian or heterosexual couples that bond with a gay couple who are also wanting a baby, to have a baby "together".
Window-shopping
Recently, I've seen a tv-show that says in the US you can practically window-shop your donor. But I came to discover it's actually more close to home; in Denmark. Depending on the donor; you get length, weight, eye/hair/skin-color, occupation, education, even description of their personality and their baby-pictures. Their special liquid is available in several qualities to be delivered to your home: Cycros Donor semen.
Questions
So, I'm very curious what you guys and gals would have to say on this subject.
What do you think about:
-the ethical questions of spermdonation in general?
-anonymous donation?
-the new rules as established in the Netherlands?
-single women applying for donated sperm?
-the informal search for spermdonors?
-the "window-shopping" for spermdonors?
-any other thought/question/opinion that pops to mind after reading this :)
And off course:
Does any of you here have experience with this topic?
As donor, as parents, as children, etc?
Or have you ever considered to either donate or use donated semen to conceive?
Any response is much appreciated! :)
RedRoses
Posted: 30 Sep 20:00
well, being a guy, id have no problem jacking off into a cup, especially if it can brighten someone's life with a child. Ethically, i have no problem, but super religious people might. Also, your body is going to get rid of it eventually, might as well put it to its intended purpose!
Thecalliton
Posted: 30 Sep 20:00
Ethics
for some people being a parent is something they must be in life. i think raising is best with both the father and mother, but it is not mandatory. there are plenty of single parents mostly moms that raise well mannered children who become productive members of society. the importance of knowing dna is only for health concerns with the spermbank should have covered.
new rules
i don't like the idea of the law forcing the donor to be available for contact, clearly many men agree so they don't donate. i am here to help out someone fulfill there desire to become a parent. if that child contacts me i will start to feel like one. how could i not since he is my blood, i would inherently care about them once i start a relationship with them.
i like free people changing the free market to what is demanded, that is the beauty of it. the informal method can work just as well depending on how responsible the future parent(s) are at investigating the donor. it is FAR less cheaper doing the background checks, testing, small legal fees, and self insertion of the sperm rather than IVF which costs thousands. it is probably not much different than the process of finding a surrogate mother mother. maybe someone can inform me?
experience
my only experience with this subject is a close friend of my moms used this method to become a mother. she had trouble finding her special man but she so badly wanted to be a mom. she was in her mid 30's with no legitimate prospects for marriage so she decided to go with IVF. she is very happy now being a mom. i just recently saw her son and he is grown up quite a bit, he is a teenager now. i don't see any problem her being a single mom. if her son needed a male role model he can get that from family, teacher, or sports coach like many other kids do.
my thoughts
i haven't tried hard to find a sperm bank. i here that you can make really good money if you are accepted. around the same amount of a good part time job. since the screening is strict i probably wouldn't be accepted. four of my relatives on my mothers side have type 1 diabetes. i was told by my mother that i was tested for that and said i didn't have whatever trait or gene to get it.
i hadn't really thought about what it would be like to donate and possibly have kids in the world i wouldn't know. would i ever care to know them? i would have no legal right to find them.
big916
Posted: 30 Sep 20:01
Ethics
Well, DNA seems to create more than just inheritable decease or that it defines your physical characteristics. It seems to also have influence on things as the kids' maximum capable intelligence, personal characteristics, etc.
I think that when a child is so much desired, it is being born from love. No matter how it was conceived.
New rules
I can imagine the men do not agree. There could be a kid in 20 years showing up on your doorstep at the most inconvenient of times :eek: And it also seems particularly unfair that they only have this duty, but no rights. They say these rules are for the sake of the children. I think they would have been far better off to state that children of whatever age in emotional distress, can apply for the contacts of their donor at the court. You don't go through such process, unless you'd really need to know.
IVF vs insemination
Just to make it clear, the clinics do not operate by IVF, unless you'd need it. IVF basically means something like "conceiving in glass", in which sperm and eggcell are put together outside of the womb and then put inside. This also mean they "jiggle" the ovaries for eggcells prior (hormone-therapy and such prior to that). That's usually for women who experience decreased fertility.
So, what the doctor does for you is about the same as you'd do at home or a little step further. They inject the semen close to your cervix and then put a little cap in (so that it doesn't run back out). Or inject it just passed the cervix, into your womb. Not as costly as IVF, nor as heavy on the mom, though the doctor's pay-check will off course be considerable for these few minutes ;)
Differences between clinic or at-home
Because of insurance, you as to-be-parent(s) will be presented with only a fraction of costs. For the to-be-parents, it's likely more costly to handle this business themselves, if they'd want check-ups on inheritable decease for instance. Payment? I don't think official donors here get any payment for it, perhaps the costs of travel... It's charity, no job. On informal basics, quite a chance there is money asked. On the sperm-stores, I'd expect the men to get paid ;)
Another difference would be that this semen is washed and diluted, frozen and defrosted when needed for the procedure. They check for inheritable decease and transmittable decease through the semen, such as HIV. For which there are also standardized procedures of (random) second check-ups. And donor and wanting-to-be-parents never get introduced.
When you play it the informal ways, you miss the official check-ups. You get fresh semen straight from the source. And; you do get to meet and perhaps even develop a sort of bonding with the donor. As the donor does with you. This may be either advantage or not.
Also; it poses the same threat as dating online. It attracts people that claim to be someone else than they are. I've read about a couple who had to get rid off 2 stalkers, of which the second became a threatening and stressful situation.
Getting a surrogate mother is a very difficult procedure as well. Even more so difficult; since you're asking 9 months+preparation of someone! Which is why there are now such creative constructions arising, as mentioned above with co-parenting.
RedRoses
Posted: 30 Sep 20:01
