OP: The right way to use a massager on her clit

I try and use a massager on my wife but many times she says I am bearing down too much on the clit but I feel as if I am barely touching it. I need to know the right way so I can get back to pleasing my wife instead of her pleasing herself and only letting me watch her.

Posted: 24 Nov 04:57


Hello Unx3,

Is watching her not providing the insight needed? Will she let you hold the vibe with her so that you can get a better feel for the finer details in what she likes?

I don't think there really is an answer to what the right way is... Some factors include strength / setting of the massager, strength of the batteries, her mood that day, her state of arousal in the given moment. On top of that, every woman is different, so there is no one method that will work on all.

My general policy is to start light and slow, mixing in some teasing... and very slowly increasing the massager strength and pressure as her wetness increases. It's easy to add more intensity as you go... but hard to undo the damage to her state if you go too hard too soon.

Posted: 24 Nov 06:07

Thanks. I think what she is referring to is that maybe I push down to hard but to me it is very light but could be (her perspective) that it is too much pressure pushing down. Of course if too much vibration she loses that feeling and it becomes numb because of the vibrations.

Posted: 24 Nov 21:49

Having been on the other side of this one: try holding the vibe against her as lightly as possible, and then have her hold the toy 'through your hand' to show you what ideal pressure is, and also where it is becoming too much... and don't go past ideal unless she specifically asks for it!

Posted: 25 Nov 01:04

Thanks Magda92. What we (well she) use is a Wahl massager which is small but maybe the shape of it causes me to "bear down" as she puts it. Is there a massager (plug in type) that is more ergo dynamic or allows me to know if I am bearing down or not.

Posted: 06 Dec 00:35

I LOVE the Lelo Nea... There is a review in the toy review section...

I searched the toy you mentioned... I think something like the Nea would be a lot better suited.... though Lelo products tend to be rather expensive. That said, their quality, in my experience, has been top class.

Posted: 12 Dec 19:38

I just ordered a Nea which I really like the reviews and the quality.

Posted: 15 Dec 18:25

Our reviewer still refers to it as the best clitoral vibe ever made! Since I have an outtie, I can't confirm myself, but she has likely tried a lot more toys than your average toy freak...

If you don't mind, please let us know your thoughts on it once you get to know it a little!

Posted: 15 Dec 20:46

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