Having a threesome is a relationship experiment that not one every couple can handle. Sharing your partner can uncover many unexpected emotions, which is why both of you need to be prepared for a variety of outcomes. There's also a possibility that it'll permanently change the dynamic of your twosome; however, it might also strengthen (rather than hinder) your connection with one another. Trust will be needed to negotiate such a sexual arrangement successfully, but careful and caring discussion will help you to overcome the barriers.
Though it's not uncommon for women to fantasize about a same sex hook-up, it's likely that she felt threatened by your suggestion to get intimate with another female. Insecurity is common reaction, as are feelings of vulnerability or abandonment. Jealousy was at the forefront of your girlfriend's mind when you discussed having a threesome with a girl. Did she react any differently to the suggestion of another man in your triangle?
Before you bring up the topic again, you need to examine your intentions carefully, as they will most certainly need to be addressed clearly with your partner.
Firstly, what are your true motivations behind having a threesome? If you're in the early stages of exploring your sexuality, you may simply want to try new things and see how other individuals complement you. Perhaps a ménage-a-trois is a way for you two to realize mutually satisfying sexual activity, or do you need it to spice up a dwindling sex life?
Secondly, consider why being with her is important to you. Is personal sexual discovery at this point in your life worth the sacrifice of being in a relationship? Are you prepared to set aside your curiosity if all she's comfortable with is monogamy? Though it's very important to jive emotionally with your lady, sexual incompatibility will haunt you down the road. Throw in a lack of communication and you've a recipe for disaster.
Once you're ready for discourse, a willingness on your part to elaborate will go a long way. Make sure to discuss your feelings for her as well as your preference for sex activity. Reassure her that this is no reflection of a failing on her part to please you sexually … unless it is! Understanding exactly where you're coming from may ease any wrong impressions and settle unspoken assumptions she may have formulated about her or your (possible) Bi-sexuality. Remember to be sensitive, as you're two entirely unique individuals with different upbringings and sexual histories.
Multi-partner relationships aren't so cut and dried, especially when you're trying to negotiate with someone who's emotionally invested in you. Despite all your reasoning, it still might not be enough to persuade her to share. If your real motivation is to talk her into her, then quit being so manipulative. You should not coerce anyone into doing something they don't want to do. By badgering her to accommodate your needs, she may eventually crumble and try it, but you'll end up with problems that far outweigh the benefits. If the Threesome is more important than the relationship, then cut this one loose and find a woman who'll actually be interested.
Posted: 17 Aug 05:05