Feeling sad and lonely after masturbating in a LTR

Does any of you experience a sense of sadness and loneliness after masturbating?

I'm in a LAT-relationship for 3 years now. My bf and I don't have sex often, only the first year it was regular. This has been keeping me patient at times, but not much frustrated. I simply keep myself pleased :o Yet over the past few weeks I have discovered an undesirable effect. Whenever aroused, I masturbate, which makes me happy for a few minutes. Followed by this incredible sense of loneliness. Alone curled up in a ball in my bed crying while everything just simply hurts. I can assure you: I didn't hurt myself... Has anyone experienced something similar?

Now I must admit I'm not in the happiest state of my life here. Actually: my life is a bit of a mess... I'm not the type of person that sits down crying "woe is me" or something, but this is a bit too much. Resume: my best friend recently died, I had an early miscarriage (to my sadness and his relief), all contact is lost with my family (sadly after years of struggle), work doesn't take my mind of things (used to love it, but it has become boring since the company changed strategy) and certainly not least: my bf's health is getting worse. I'm worried about him and would like to help him cope, but all he wants is to be alone. His way of (not) coping is to fight time doing all the work he wants to do. And while feeling so miserable; all I want is to be with him. And more than ever I hunger for a bit of warmth and intimacy (not necessary sex). For the past 2 months he's not interested at all in intimacy. Although simply being with him is just a relieve; it feels safe and secure. Which I reckon is truly a gift to have someone that allows me to be/feel that way! But both our opposed needs have been enforced recently. Which leaves us both very concerned for the other, yet both craving for the thing that would be best for ourselves and both feeling guilty. It seems to be a struggle without a way out... :(

Good news is that my sexual desires are still "up" (which is funny as for just a few years ago; I had absolutely no sexual desire ;)) Yet: as we nor I seem to be able to please myself properly, perhaps that good thing is starting to become a bad thing?

Any advice/ response / sharing is very much appreciated! :)

RedRoses