Hey there Ephemera. How's it going?
BY S&M do you mean sex involving pain -spanking, whipping, pinching or clamping,hair pulling, rough and aggressive? I notice you mention being in control and your partner being submissive to your desires in your post. Do you mean things like telling here what you want and she conceding it - stroke me here, get on your hands and knees, crawl acroos the floor on your stomach until you reach my feet then worship me as a sex god? Just keep it "in the bedroom." It's only a game anyway. The only thing real about it is the new sensations that it brings to sex.
All the above is bedroom play, unless you do it in some other part of the house. Most B&D and S&M aficionados keep it "in the bedroom." If you enjoy that sort of sex and you have a partner who enjoys it what's the problem. Be happy. Kink out! You know I was restraining and subjecting willing partners to "physical discipline" for 20 years before I ever heard the term "domination and submission." Since then I have met a number of D/s couples. Most D/s people I have met believe that the D/s "dynamic", as they call it, extends to all parts of their lives tend to be adamant that it is not about sex at all; that sex is merely a part of it.
My wife and I are active members of the local BDSM community. We know several couples who tried the D/s thing and found that it actually caused problems in their relationship. Some couples found that switching made it better. In a "switch" relationship partners take turns being dominant or submissive rather than always being in the same role. The woman (submissive) in one of the couples came up with a brilliant, yet simple, solution. She was unsure whether she could continue in the D/S "lifestyle" until she realized that it is only a game. Hey I said that two paragraphs ago!
Now I know that some "real BDSM or D/S" people might read this and say "dlb has it all wrong, he is a mere kinkster, a bedroom player, not a real BDSMer because domination and submission is the whole point." For me the whole point is sex; sex involving different sensations and situations. Sometimes my wife and I extend the game outside the confines of our home, but in real life our relationship is also based on independence and respect as well as equality. While we belong to a community of people who know that I am very able with rope and bullwhips even they don't know what really goes on between us and the rest of the world has no idea. It's sort of a naughty secret between the two of us. My wife likens our BDSM activities to having an affair; a tremendous rush because it's something that most people don't approve and no one knows about it except us.
Keep it in the bedroom Ephemera. And remember-it is just a game that involves sex. Also if you are not familiar with the terms Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) they are mostly self explanatory, but you might want to look them up.
Posted: 03 Oct 22:51