44 yr old bi-sexual woman, where to start?
I'm a 44 yr old bi-sexual woman,who has never had sexual relations with a woman, but really wants to in order to satisfy my curiosity,and search within myself.I have slept with a woman but there was no sexual contact at all.It was an experiment i did with a lesbian friend to see if my feelings for another woman were real.They were but this other woman wasn't interested in a relationship with me.
I guess that i am finally coming out with this revelation.Very few people know this about me.I have had several crushes on women over the years and am attracted to athletic,sporty types,even though i don't play sport.I have a fetish for strong muscular thighs in both males and females.I have always tried to deny my feelings for other women,and when i find myself admiring womens bodies i feel guilty and turn away.I've even noticed how attractive my daughter has become lately ,although this is more a mothers pride in her offspring rather than a sexual attraction.
I didn't start dating till i was 20 and it was with a male.I have never dated a female.I lost my virginity at the age of 23 and i realised that i really enjoyed being with a male in a sexual way.I've been married 17 yrs yet separated for 10.I now want a divorce.I've put my feelings on hold for women for many years,and i guess this ir where my confusion comes into play.Now that i am wanting to become a better stronger person,and seek out who i really am,i want to explore my feelings for other women in more depth.But i don't know where to start.I have joined a social group on a website for bi and lesbian women,and have already made several friends.But i don't know how to begin asking questions or where to meet women who might be interested in a sexual encounter with me.I have had a disagreement with my lesbian friend,so i can't ask her.I am afraid that my friends and family will ostracise me for being bi - sexual.Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks RG
raunchy gal
Replies:
RG, maybe you should try and see deeper into these feelings. The feelings you have towards your daughter are definitely mothers-pride and drawn from fascination with how children grow up beautifully. So don't get confused about that. I'm no mother, but when I see the kids I once babysat; I look admirably at how they've become such pretty little ladies! :)
This could be the same with women. But there's absolutely no shame in finding out whether it is simple admiration for the beauty of the female body or sexual attraction. You are a grown woman. You are in control of your life! No-one else (family,etc) can forbid you. So why not find out? Perhaps there's a local cafe/bar/club for gays/bi's around where you live? That would be an opportunity...
Also: lesbian/bi-people are to be found anywhere! I've actually been hit on by females in the train, bus, gym (and the sauna, but I feel this is a very inappropriate place!). And what they did would be just having a nice friendly (girl-)talk and at a certain point I'd get that same feeling as when a guy is hitting on me. Eyes going up and down my body, compliments on how good and beautiful I look, sometimes making ambiguous remarks, asking for my phonenumber, asking me on a date, etc (too bad for them I wasn't interested and kindly declined as I did with any men as well). Point is that there is not much difference from the way you'd meet straight people. Just the odds that there seem to be a bit more straight than bi/homosexuals out there. But than again; if you'd be looking for a straight guy, you'd also have to find out whether you're attracted to eachother. And just like with dating men, please be clear to eachother on what your purpose is to prevent disappointment (being in love is something else then sex for sex sake and it would be a shame if the other feels toyed with).
RedRoses
Thank you RedRoses,i will look into those suggestions,and yes i will be very careful.I am learning from my past mistakes.
raunchy gal
Too bad that you and your lesbian friend had a falling out. Where and with whom did she hangout? How did you meet her and discover that she was lesbian? Starting points.
I can assure you that in your circle of friends there are women who are at least as bi-curious as you. Some girl talk expressing your frustration with men should get the talk going in the proper direction. Then look for the non-verbal signals you have used all your life - eye contact, slight touching. And, do not fear being turned down. Women are much more circumspect in their gossip than men when it comes to actual behaviour.
Brandye
Brandye,i really appreciate your input in this,and i will follow your advice.I don't have many female friends,and my lesbian friend and i met through our sons who were friends but are not anymore.When i slept with her,to see if i had feelings for another woman that i was attracted to,she made it clear that she wasn't attracted to me sexually,and she also has a live in girlfriend,so i fully respected that and didn't try anything on.We are no longer on speaking terms due to our disagreement.I will try to find out if there are any places where lesbian and bi-sexual woman can meet to make friends and form casual relationships with each other.
raunchy gal
I can only say this about myself. Being Bisexual has given me more of a balanced Sexual Life.
The bottom line is that I can enjoy a Man much more, just as well with another Woman, I have less hang-ups, and really enjoy feeling more Sexual about myself.
Being Bisexual doesn't mean that you will become a lesbain, it just means that You are able to Enjoy the best of both Life Styles. :)
Pleasure does turn into more Passion for whoever I may be with. :)
I hope this helps in some way for You. :)
KellyAnntx