Getting started with "Bondage"
Questions regarding sexual Bondage/Domination:
First off, I'm recently married to a woman who truly enjoys sex and is open to adventuresome sexual encounters. We have already tried some role playing and have experimented with some light bondage and blindfolding.
My wife seems to be intersted in (or fantasizing about)being tied up and dominated, problem is how can I tell what will turn her on and what would be over the top "perversion"?
Does anyone know of pictures or videos available on the web that depict this type of activity in a somewhat softcore nature? Everthing I find seems to be too brutally violent to be much of a turn on.
Besides the obvious thrills of being kissed, caressed, teased, tickled, licked, sucked and lightly spanked or pinched while bound and/or blindfolded, what else would be a turn-on?
My wife's orgasms are pretty physical whith her contorting her body and clamping shut her thighs once she's acheived orgasm. If arms and legs were bound and she were brought to orgasm do you believe it would be more pleasurable or less due to the fact that she would be somewhat immobilized?
Usually once she has acheived orgasm (in normal non-bondage sex sessions) she does not want me to continue stimulation. If participating in bondage/domination would you think that continuing stimulation during and after orgasm would be enjoyable? We would of course establish a "safe word" before starting any such sexual games to make sure nothing got out of hand.
The only real worry that I have about experimenting with this is the idea that it could possibly make regular sex seem too routine and we'd end up needing to do the freaky stuff constantly. I'd rather just engage in bondage and/or domination as a "special occasion" once in a blue moon or when maybe a little extra excitement would be welcomed. Any thoughts or experiences on this?
Thanks for your input.
j56h
Replies:
First off, congrats on having a wife that enjoys sex and is open to exploring her sexuality. That is a gift you should always treasure.
I happen to be a submissive and will be in a Dominate/submissive relationship with my guy early next year. I have done extensive reading on the topic, so let me see how much I can help with on your questions. Bondage and blindfolding are major a turn on for me too.
Your first question asked how you can tell. Simple you both sit down and really talk about it. Trust and honesty have to be in play if you are going to do this type of sex. And remember what might seems like a “perversion” today can very much become an interest tomorrow. I have grown very much since I first started this journey of mine. So, one good way to help you out in deciding what is fun and what is not is to use a BDSM check list. You both do it and then compare so you have a good idea where both your interest lies. Just Google, BDSM check list and you will find several sites that have one. I would give you the link to the one we used but I’m not sure if that is allowed.
Yes, I do know some places where there are some beautifully erotic photos of different pictures depicting bondage and other BDSM activity. You will have to PM if you want those links.
So many things are a turn on. Back to the checklist again. Using hot and cold, like ice and hot wax is a turn on for many. Floggers can be very erotic, sensual, wicked and versatile. They come in many forms and you can have endless fun with them. Orgasm denial is my one of my favorite things to do. Taking her to the edge over and over. Making her ask you first, saying no, her begging and then you commanding her to cum now. Yummy!
Your wife’s orgasms sound much like mine. You will need to be much more in tune with her body language. But, there are many ways a woman can achieve orgasm so mixing it up is great fun. Once she has achieved orgasm and her body is very sensitive to touch that doesn’t change because she is bound. You need to let her have a break. Make her do something to you for a bit.
Yes, you have to have a safe word. We keep ours simple; yellow means I’m close to my limit and red means stop right this minute. You must always respect the safe word or you break the trust and she won’t be able to really let go.
I can understand your worry about doing it so much that you won’t have great “vanilla” sex. I actually watched a show on HBO not long ago about that. The couple was so into their kink that they had lost how to just have wonderful sex together without all the trappings. So, if you both need to have good communicating skills and agree that you won’t let this take over your life. My man and I love our kink, but we also want to just make love to each other without any of the frills that D/s has.
There are many good sites and message board about this, with people ranging from the hard core to couple like you that just want some extra "spice" in the bedroom. I would be happy to share what I know and give you any links to the sites that are my favorites. Just send me a PM.
Be safe, Be sane and always be consensual.
Tessie
So my GF and I have worked on our sex lives together and have figured out what wrks for us in bed, now we don't hav any sexual problems.
I want to try bondage and she says ok. I don't reall know where to start with this one, I'm not sure where to get the stuff for bondage, I live in part of San Diego, we are doing a weekend out and that's when we are going to try this. What information do I need before we do it this way?
Blaze in time
Different people get off in different ways. Bondage (or bindage) is not for everyone, but I happen to enjoy it very much-so I'll share some thoughts.
There are different restraint systems: metal, leather restraints, cages and stocks,and then rope and other tyable materials.
Most people begin with tying (many find their kinky niche right there) and most begin with tying or being tied to a bed. A common question is-I have my partner tied, now what do I do?
Tying a person on her back, legs apart, allows the tier to fondle and caress, lick and suck and of course penetrate the tied person. The "victim" is at the mercy of her partner. You do it once, you do it again, you wonder -is that all?
Many people enjoy adding role play to their bondage. There is a style of bondage called DID ,Damsel or Dude) In Distress. These are role play scenarios in which one partner has been taken prisoner or hostage by a robber, rival gang member, vikings/pirates/bad cowboy etc. and the other partner is either the "bad guy" or the hero who saves her. The prisoner can be "tortured" and taken advantage of sexually. If the partner is playing the hero role he can discover her bound, set her free and save her and then receive his "reward" from her.
Another approach to rope bondage is making an extended love making session using rope. This requires no role playing, only two people who want to share. Rope comes in different materials and textures. Probably the easiest to find will be the white soft polypropelene at your local Super Store or cotton rope if you can find it. For people who decide to explore farther there are silk, bamboo (very soft actually), flax, jute,hemp (my favorite) and other materials in a variety of colors.
Let the tying become foreplay. It doesn't have to be spread eagle on the bed. You can tie a person to a chair, table leg, a sturdy coffee table, any secure post or pillar like structure or rather than tying the person to something simply tie her in a position. While in DID bondage the tying process can be sort of playfully rough in this type of bondage the rope should be applied playfully and sensually. There can be lots of caressing and hugging and teasing as the rope goes around the limbs and torso (never around the neck!) and many rope enthusiasts enjoy the feel of the rope being pulled gently across their skin. It is a bonding not only of a body, but a bonding of minds and souls that many of us feel. After the copulation or what have you, the love making continues as the ropes are removed. More gentleness, talk of how hot or beautiful she looks with rope, using the rope to continue stimulating the skin, more caresses and hugs as are inevitable while removing rope from a torso.
some positions
Tying a persons wrists to her ankles makes her feel "vulnerable" and "controlled" and also leaves her open to sexual stimulation while on her back, side or even knees with face down for vaginal or anal penetration. In this last position the partner doing the tying and penetrating should be sure that his "victim" has a pillow for support, can be comfortable (unless discomfort is your thing) and is in no danger of suffocation. Also in this position the tied person can be on her knees and apply oral sex to the seated or standing partner.
Tied over a sturdy object: a banister (if it is solid), a couch, a large trunk (good if you are playing pirate and wench) an ottoman, or fancy dungeon furniture if you really get into this!
Arms under breasts. This is good if your guy is a breast man as it pushes the breasts together and lifts them. You will be helpless to fend him off as he gropes, mouths and slides his penis between your breasts!
Decorative Erotic Rope
The situations described above are all about functional bondage. There is another approach which consists of decorating one's partner's body with rope. Movement might be restricted, but often as not she is free to walk around, using the "bondage" like rope lingerie. Many people find that it looks and feels sexy. When you look and feel sexy you want to have sex! I make, brassieres, corsets, leggings and gauntlets, dresses and bikinis from rope.
Before you get Started
The above is an overview of approaches to bondage. There are much more advanced things that I did not mention.
Bondage can be very dangerous. Never do bondage when a person does not feel well, is under the influence of any substance, suffers epilepsy, or does not consent to this sort of activity.
Always have safety scissors-EMT shears are best- at hand. At hand means the person responsible for tying can reach them within 1 second and cut the rope off in case of an emergency.
Never tie a person or allow yourself to be tied to something that could fall over. Always give objects a serious stress test before using them as a hard point.
Some people are allergic to certain fibers. If you are unsure about whether a certain rope might cause a reaction wear a piece around a wrist or ankle for a few minutes to see if there is a reaction. Better that than wait until you are completely wrapped up and helpless.
Many people will tell you "have a safe word." Read the sticky and decide whether you need one or not.
dlb
Please be advised that there are some issues involved with this bondage thing.
- Safe word. Get one and use it.
- No more than 45 minutes restrained at any one time. a. after that it is felony kidnapping b. any longer can cause psychologial damage in some
- Never leave a restrained person alone see psych damage note above
If you're going to do this, do it right, and safely. Be a responsible person.
I'd also counsel you to bear in mind the concept "fair is fair".
BTW I use leather cuffs and straps all with quick release catches. Less set-up time = more play time.
EvilEvilKitten