OP: Wife refuses to even try performing oral on me...

I don't think many women "hate" giving blow jobs -- but there are many who have never had the experience. Is she willing to give you a "hand job"? If not, you can think about working up to that by starting with her just touching, then squeezing and so on. If you get there then ask her to kiss you or if that is too much, kiss your balls, or kiss you low on your belly. In other words work up to this very slowly.
In an ideal relationship you would ask her to try to learn and together you would work very slowly. If you don't have that kind of communication, then why not propose it with the understanding that she controls the pace.
By the way, my wife and I have our best discussions of sex over breakfast just before we go to work. At that time the topic is abstract and we can treat it as problem solving -- not something that has to be done right away.

NagyApu

Posted: 06 Oct 00:15

ask her if there is a specific reason she doesn't want to or is adverse against giving head. If there are certain fears then you can help her put them at ease, let her know that she isn't required to complete the job everytime, but that the oral attention is something you find very attractive and seductive. Use words that make the experience sound good for both of you.

hot-texan

Posted: 06 Oct 00:15

It's more of a moral thing with her. Her dad is a very strict conservative preacher and i know he doesn't think it's right to give and receive oral sex. You might say well you made your bed now you can sleep in it. That's true I'll have to accept that if there's no other choice. It's something I feel like I'm missing out on I guess.

Hollister

Posted: 06 Oct 00:15

This is definately an unfair situation since you are providing oral stimulation to your partner but she isn't willing to reciprocate, not even for foreplay. I can see why you feel that you are missing out. However, most men don't have trouble reaching orgasm with intercourse while most women need more direct clitoral stimulation in order to experience sexual pleasure. If she isn't able to orgasm without oral sex, it would be detrimental to withhold it from her and would probubly have a big negative impact on your sex life as a whole. I know that in SoS ( Song of Solomon ) oral sex on the female is the only oral sex mentioned, even glorified, in the Bible and there is no mention of reciprocation so maybe that's what she's basing her ability to accept oral pleasure without returning the favor. The release of the female seed isn't dependant on orgasm as it does in the male which is another contentious factor as to why Christians and Jews maybe more reluctant to include oral sex to completion on males, it's spilled seed.
You don't want to challenge your wife's belief system but you should talk to her more about your needs and desires. I'm not saying that you have a right to BJ's, the very term blow job seems ugly and juvenille to me and I personally don't do blow jobs period. However, there are compromises that may help in your situation. Would she be willing to try, a little at the time, to include oral stimulation on you as a part of your foreplay? Would she consider a flavored lubricant or flavored condoms to help her make that oral contact with your penis? At the end of the day, you have to accept that it's her mouth and she shouldn't feel pressured to perform any sexual act that she doesn't want to do. But, I think she should try to meet you at least part of the way since she seems to enjoy oral stimulation herself. There are two websites that may help your wife reconcile her religeous beliefs and the modern sexual relationship: themarriagebed(dotcom) and christiannymphos(dotcom) where primarily christian women openly discuss sexual issues in an online christian based community of believers trying to remain true to their beliefs while making the most of their intimate relationships with thier partners. Good luck Hollister.

LustyLisa

Posted: 06 Oct 00:15

Dear Hollister, with regret, this is your reward for NOT having sex before marriage. Your previous choices have led to your current situation and now you want a procedure to reset the consequences - that's not going to happen. Few things are stronger than morality consistently taught from childhood so do not expect your wife to change - that would, in her eyes, be asking her to put her husband before God.

Stop trying to change your wife. This is YOUR problem and YOUR responsibility.

I suggest that you ask yourself "how much is fellatio worth to you". Would it be worth wrecking your marriage over? Would it be worth distorting your morality over? What exactly would you be willing "to pay" for a bit of fellatio? And don't say "it's just a 'blow job - because you know it isn't.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 06 Oct 00:16

I agree with EEK in one thing is that it is a reward that you r married and you saved up to me intimate with one person only. I would sit down and talk to her and try to reconcile or compromise with her bout each others sex life. If any god should be part of the life but also even if its her father as a preacher he does not control the marriage or y'alls sex life. Sex with your partner is great withn marriage bcuz this is where to find each others pros and cons within every situation even sex. experiment with your wife but dont try to force her and offend her beliefs.

sexgoddess1

Posted: 06 Oct 00:16

There is definitely a very conservative school of thought that oral is immoral because it leaves no possibility for procreation. But I find it a little dichotomous that she finds moral issue with oral sex, yet she allows you to pleasure her orally.

She could simply be intimidated or unsure. If you've never done it before, it can be less than the most appetizing idea in the world to put a penis in your mouth. But it can also be difficult to find a way of saying that--you don't want the owner of the penis to think you think he's disgusting.

In the end, though, EEK's right. You have some thinking to do.

lnt1103

Posted: 06 Oct 00:16

I must agree with my esteemed sisters on this one. Everyone has limits and it is not up anyone to change those. On the other hand, I consider oral arts to be basic to any woman's bag of tricks. Many prostitutes and madams will tell you that women who will not perform oral keep them in business. Prostitutes like them because they make a quick and easy few quid.

I shall assume that she is as unsophisticated as you. Get a copy of The Joy of Sex and the two of you read it together. About anything worth doing sexually is shown and discussed. In that context, blow-jobs will seem pretty regular. You can also suggest using a condom. Non-lubricated and poly, not latex or lubricated which both taste terrible. That can give you the experience and she can learn the mechanics without getting a mouthful. If she refuses with a condom, see Evil's post above.

Brandye

Posted: 06 Oct 00:16

Wow I didn't expect so much advice. Thank you all very much for responding to my questions. I'm not forcing the issue all and never have. I very much respect her rights and beliefs. I wouldn't call myself or my wife unsophisticated at all. It's just knowledge on these subjects is little when raised in such a cultured environment. I just needed someone to confirm what I guess I really felt deep inside. To nail the coffin lid on the subject. I love sex too much to ruin it with something I want that would make her uncomfortable. I'm a firm believer it has to be emotional first and physical second to be great. Thanks ladies for posting on my question. I'm very grateful for your insight. Thanks.

Hollister

Posted: 06 Oct 00:16

It isn't all that difficult to understand, Int. Acquiesing to her husband GIVING her oral means she doesn't have to accept any moral responsibility for the act. As long as she doesn't ASK him for oral, she's morally 'free & clear".

True, it's a 'sin of ommission' but that still is better than a 'sin of commission'.

And SG, his and his wife's rather 'less than' sex life is the reward I spoke of; not that he's married. You would be demayed at the number of men who married virgins 20 or 30 years ago who now wish they'd married a more experienced woman instead. (yes, I am paraphrasing)

What matters in marriage is not what's between her legs but what's between her ears.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 06 Oct 00:17

I don't know if it's been mentioned yet but since you gave her oral yet she is hesitant to give you, how about a 69. My wife and I are very very conservative. We both did not have sex prior to marriage. She is a very attractive woman andmany guys look at her. We are both faithful church goers and try to live right. But in the bedroom...wow... you would think we're professional porn stars. We have the best sex. The way I got my wife to give head...I worked very slowly. She was also hesitant and then I started to eat her out. Then I aroused her to the max one night. So much so she couldn't hardly handle it. 45 minutes of foreplay, sweet talking, rubbing, kissing and taking it slow. Once I started to give oral, it was over. I then proceeded to kiss her neck and ears then.....went 69 (sideways) without saying anything. I didn't expect her to me give head I was pleasing her, while my penis was close to her face. Then all of the sudden...wow BJ time.
Since then my wife gives BJs all the time, while driving, while sitting down, any time. She even just comes up to me and unzips my pants and does the "attenhut" BJ. The bottom line is that you must let your wife know you really love her and will not pressure but pleasure her. Be her man and treat her right. She may ask what you want for your B-day. So just tell her if she asks. Try the 69 side ways trick without saying anything after you get her all worked up. You must really work her up though.

BTW..I'm a preacher and my wife a preacher's wife. Don't let that thought disurb you. God made sex. He totally excepts sex and wants us to enjoy sex (in the right way). It is perfectly OK in the eyes of God.... even oral.

granpana

Posted: 06 Oct 00:17