Let me start by saying it is always wrong to accuse someone of something they did not do.
Why do people sometimes blame others?
A possible reason for this behavior you have actually stated yourself; it is because the women described felt an "urge", gave into it and afterwards felt regret. The regret most likely comes from shame and values on right and wrong that are so deeply imprinted that they not only consider the act "wrong", they consider themselves "wrong". As a sort of self-defense-mechanism, the brain tries to find a reason why this situation occurred, that is beside themselves. Iow: the person they had sex with, gets the blame.
This could be true for both men and women. Through the centuries it seems that women suffer a bit more from the "sex is wrong" and "I am now a whore" than men.
The risk of subtle communication
This was the "straight ahead" version. The long version of it is that there could be other issues. Like: the woman changed her minds and didn't dare to speak up (that would be unfair, he's nearly inside me and now I'd ask him to stop?). But later on decides she shouldn't have continued.
Another possibility is: she has given signals that the male didn't understand. Like pushing or pulling away lightly, instead of the clear and short "no" or "stop". From her experience; it was wrong and he didn't "listen". From his; there was nothing wrong about it. (again; both men and women)
example; the clear situation
I myself have been in a clear situations: screaming "no" and kicking, but they wouldn't stop. And I have been hit with my head on the pavement by a teenager and choked and found myself unable to move or make a sound, like I was frozen in time. Though my actions didn't signal anything, the force of the act itself made it clear that this was a very wrong situation.
example; the unclear situation
Sometimes it's a matter of perspective. Like my bf and I encountered about 2 years ago. You should know prior that my bf is very patient, warm, takes it slowly and cuddly. He knows everything about my bad sexual experiences and has never rushed anything. He has been very considerate, always checking on me, not leaving anything to chance. The first few months I got scared with every sudden move, especially when kissing or having him on top of me. We were having penetrative sex for about 6 months by than and it had all turned out great. We had tried about every position, which I all loved. And I had become multi-orgasmic by then. Maybe also important is that I have a high tolerance for pain and we had never done quickies:
That evening he was longing for me. After I got into bed he touched my breasts roughly and thought I was aroused (mistake; I was just cold) as he reached down, found soaking wet pussy (wet cause I had wanted him earlier that evening, but that arousal was gone now). He got on top, pushed my legs apart. I figured he'd at least give me oral or finger me. He interpreted it as an invitation. He pushed in right away, happy as a puppy. I was confused and felt both pleasure and pain. I felt helpless. He felt my orgasms. As soon as I caught my breath I squeaked "stop". He immediately did and was much surprised to see my scared. He held me while I was shaky and speechless. I discovered I was bleeding a bit.
It only got clear to us after we talked about it in the morning. His first response when I mentioned I wanted to talk about what had happened, was that I shouldn't worry. Sometimes things just don't go as planned. It was all ok. I got very mad; "this wasn't not as planned, this was not ok, this was wrong!". He was shocked when I told him crying in anger how he had made me feel. Hearing all this he felt awful himself. He apologized and said he felt guilty. That he never intended to make me feel this way. And would never ever want to do that to me! My response (after calming down a little) was that it wasn't his fault. That I should have told him immediately. Even the first moment I felt he was too rough. He agreed that whatever I didn't like, he wanted to hear. After that we talked some more in detail about what either of us had experienced that evening.
After that, we have never been in such an awkward situation again. There have been times that I've felt discomfort and I've immediately spoke up and we've immediately stopped or changed positions. This experience made it clear to us that even though I had transformed into a vibrantly sexual young woman, we still needed to be careful. It was a lesson. The only awkward situation following was when I nearly pushed him in once and he had to stop me from doing so, cause he really wasn't in the mood. That was my lesson that even when his member is erect and happy, that doesn't automatically mean he is. Erect doesn't equal "go"....
RedRoses
Posted: 03 Oct 09:05
