Performance anxiety after breakup
I'm a male in my mid 30's. I recently broke up with my girlfriend with whom I had great sexual chemistry (there were too many non-sexual issues though). I was very excited about getting out there but have found it very difficult to get over her, and past thoughts of her having sex with her new boyfriend. Now I fear I'll never get as turned on by anyone else as I did by her. Since our breakup I've had some decent sex, but I've also had a couple of let downs where I couldn't get hard. The woman was attractive, I just didn't feel that hot chemistry I had with my ex, so it never got going. Now I'm utterly paranoid that I'm losing my sex drive. And I fear that this paranoia alone could cause problems. It's already causing me to lose sleep. I feel like I'm in a Catch 22. How can I find out if it's just my paranoia, or if I'm really losing my ability to perform? Also, is there a connection between the amount of ones ejaculate and overall ability to perform?
ACC
Replies:
ACC I just want to say sorry for your recent break-up. It is never easy and it will take time to get over her and the feeling that you have. Emotional ties are very hard to break and you just need to let yourself feel and take time to move past your feelings before thinking of a new relationship.
I am sure you are not losing your sex drive. You just need to give yourself a break and feel what you feel. You not being able to perform as you wish tells me that you are man with deep emotions and not someone that is an unfeeling jerk.
I suggest you just stop worrying about it and decide to let what happens happen. Over stressing about it is not going to help the situation.
I am not sure that there is a connection between the amount of ones ejaculate and overall ability to perform. I would highly doubt it though.
Take care of yourself and everything else will fall into place sooner then you think.
Tessie
Hi, ACC. I'll add my sympathy to Tessie's. Breakups are hard. It does take time to get over the emotional ties, and the "comparing" new partners to your ex. Just take it slowly. It will get better.
As far as the amount of ejaculate being a measuring device of sexual ability, well, I don't think it's a sign of ability. More a sign of desire. I seem to ejaculate more when I'm really into the sex. You are right in that sometimes you can really like the person, but the sexual chemistry just isn't there. It happens to everyone.
As I said, just take your time, and eventually you should be fine. You'll go from thinking about her everyday to thinking of her maybe once a week to only thinking about her occasionally. I know. I've been there.
Take care and good luck.
oberon
I have never had a bad breakup, for I was never in a serious relationship until now. However, I have had other tragedies in my life. Anything that affects your emotions and changes your life in great way can be very hard to get over. It will definitely take some time. Dont be hard on yourself over it, just give yourself some time. I would also suggest not looking for another relationship until you are emotionally healed. Im sure your sex drive is just fine. As long as you let yourself get over your ex, you will be open to other women and be able to find a new chemistry with a new woman.
I really hoped this helped. Good luck and Let me know how things go.
monie