OP: Female Orgasm - Don't Give Up!

In whatever line of work, we have unusual weeks when surprises become normal. In one recent week two women, during their annual gyn exams, disclosed that they had finally reached orgasm. Both were about 40; each had been married nearly 20 years; one had three children and the other, two. A normal question during the exam is about sexual response. For years, they had each given so-so answers but I suspected that neither was in a very sexual marriage.

Sheila’s story is, especially, helps other women keep things in perspective. She married her high school sweetheart two years after graduating. They first had sex a few weeks later – the first time for each of them. She had spaced two children successfully with a diaphragm and the third child was a “contraceptive failure.” She then insisted on having her tubes cut against her husband’s objections. She had told him condoms, plus the diaphragm, would be required because she wanted no more children. He acceded.

Throughout the marriage, sex was every Saturday night when she was not menstruating. Sunday morning, she removed the diaphragm, douched and went to Church “not smelling like that.” Since tubal ligation and with the kids older, they go to a pub for a pint and a bite, return home, watch television until ten when he washes and they go to bed. She describes sex as his fondling her breasts while she rubs his penis. As soon as it is erect, she spreads, he inserts. After his ejaculation, he thanks her profusely, rolls over and sleeps. She washes up “the mess,” douches and watches old movies on BBC Scotland. Every Saturday night, but only Saturday night. She never has seen semen nor touched it other than in her vagina and on her external genitals.

She had, ten years or so ago, tried to masturbate several times. Each time she got into a good fantasy (so necessary for masturbation), the reality of her experience blotted out the fantasy and whatever arousal disappeared. After attempts over several months, she gave up.

A few months ago she went to Glasgow on an annual shopping trip and to visit her divorced sister. There was a singles’ function at Church and she accompanied her sister. With a few unaccustomed glasses of wine, they brought home two men for whom the sister vouched. Because Sheila had an early train to catch, they seemed to have wasted no time. ”Thank god I had bought a new bra and knickers!”, they paired up and went to separate bedrooms. He caressed her a while, she relaxed a bit and he went down on her. She had read about it, fantasized about it but had never had it done. He must have been good at it and she visualized a few racy movies in which the female leads were in her position. She found herself rising to him and let loose as he probed her anus gently. She described all this as a wonderful awakening.

She appreciatively watched him roll on a condom (“I did not have my douche bulb”) and got the giggles as her sister “became a bit rowdy” in the next room. For the first time in memory, she welcomed the penetration, the slow thrusting and, for a moment, wished the condom were not there. “I am supposed to get that.” She was saddened when he raised out of her but then wanted to run tell her sister all about it. She was clearly still engaged and Shelia’s partner went to remove the condom and she heard him pee and wash off.

When he returned there was some additional breast play and he asked her to suck on him a bit. She had never had a penis in her mouth, was hesitant and asked him not to come. When he warned her, she pulled back and was introduced to semen – in her ear and hair. She found that “disgusting – but cute.”

The two sisters apparently sat up all night talking and Sheila brought home an “extra” vibrator which she had learned to use. Her questions of me were really how to get her husband involved because she was interested in more of this newly discovered action. I recommended that when he gets hard next Saturday, open his pyjamas and go down on him and gave her a few pointers for fellatio and her comfort. If that does not shock him out of his torpour, nothing will – and then they can talk.

Most of Sheila’s reaction to orgasm is that found in younger women. I would have said that she was beyond discovery and I still doubt the marriage can survive. Her husband may be more receptive than I think but we shall see.

OP: Brandye 08/19/2005

Posted: 23 Sep 01:04