I think you are over analyzing this a bit. If your relationship with your wife is secure then you should be ok. Beyond that I don't know. I'm interested to see what EEK has to say since she's our resident swinger.
g-dubz
Posted: 05 Oct 21:35
OP: Re-closing an opened relationship?
My wife and I have been in I guess you call it a swinging type of lifestyle. We talked about bringing in another women into the bedroom and we had our concerns as well and we ended up going ahead with it. We made sure we got tested and everyone who would get involved would be and that condoms were a must now.
I thought it wasn't right that I got to enjoy being with 2 women at the same time but I wasn't comfortable being in the same room with my wife while she is with another man. So we ended up finding some other couples and swapped around so she could be with 2 other men and I could be with 2 other women along with some other scenarios. We eventually did some standard 1 for 1 swapping as well.
Lately I've felt like although I have enjoyed this I'm not as interested with the lifestyle so much anymore. However my wife is still interested as we have continued. Although I'm not exactly unhappy with the current situation I am concerned of our relationship down the road. For example if I get bitter in the future or if one of us is only sexually satisfied in having sex with others to name a couple and it becomes a catalyst that could harm our relationship permanently. After all there is a 50% divorce rate and I would rather not walk down that road. I know that communication will be a key to make sure it doesn't go that way.
Am I simply over-analyzing all of this? Any suggestions on how I should address my concerns would be greatly appreciated.
Chaox
Posted: 05 Oct 21:35
Replies:
Okay, the truth is that she will always get more than you will and that this will tend to dampen your enthusiasm for the lifestyle. Just how it is. If you can accept this, and therefore not become bitter and jealous, you two will be fine. You mainly need to relax and gradually build up a small group of friends with whom you play every now and again.
Stop worrying, trust your wife and relax.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 05 Oct 21:35
Thanks for the response EvilKitten. Actually I do have a group of friends to play with. My wife probably get a bit more action so to speak but the amount I'm getting isn't the issue. Its not that I don't like it, I guess the lifestyle has simply lost some of it's appeal to me overtime. Perhaps it will regains its glamor for me in the future.
As you mentioned it's important for me to relax, to trust my wife and not to get jealous if/when we go through our rough patches. I suppose I simply started to over-analyze things due to my waning appeal to the lifestyle recently.
Thank you again for your advice.
Chaox
Posted: 05 Oct 21:36
.. was the title of a popular book some forty years ago. It is one of the few books that has ever caused the authors to write another saying that the first was not quite what they intended. Bottom line: many couples start with one interested and the other gets interested as the originator loses interest. Evil has some appropriate advice but your fears are very real and data based. Perhaps the two of you should get some help in talking this out. There is an answer but it is different for each couple on this path.
Brandye
Posted: 05 Oct 21:36
like any other enthusiasm - interest waxes and wanes over time. I used to run faster than I have of late but...so what? Some days are just 'some days' while others are glorious adventures. Only machines operate constantly at a set level, not humans.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 05 Oct 21:36