OP: Protection over age 40...

I have been dating for the past year. I am 46. In fact I have been dating since 1998 when I divorced but was in a five yr relationship till Nov 2005.

I am a professional working in the social services field. I have been an EMT and a medical social worker in a busy hospital...point is I am not naive.

I know all the reasons why one should have protected sex. I have been in heated debates on other sites about this topic.

My quest is...what are other 40 something people experiencing. I have yet to find a woman who wants me to use a condom and everyone of them have wanted full ejaculation inside them from pretty much the first sexual encounter.

No one (talking six ladies total) in my age range seems overly concerned about having protected sex or of asking or discussing up front any topics related to disease free status. I thought this was a major issue based on the personals etc you see "D/D free" and I went out a year ago for publications sake and had the gamut of STD testing done in case anyone seemed to need to know that.

Obviously, it has never been much of a concern for me (protected sex) and when it has it has been more for birth control reasons than fear of disease. I KNOW...but just being truthful......is it our generation?? Are we just not informed, or don't care or desperate. I know that all of these women were not "loose" or "slutty" they were very hard working respectable single mom's with their birth control measures well in hand.

How old are you?
what are your views vs practices?
Do sexual partners your own age want to discuss this (disease) and ALWAYS use a condom?


Posted: 28 Sep 21:04


Hmm. That seems pretty weird to me.

I'm in your same age range. I don't think I've ever encountered a woman who didn't consider a condom a basic necessity (outside of marriage, or something in the vicinity of it). That was true twenty-plus years ago too. From the other side of the gender fence, I do understand (from women who've told me this) that men try to convince them to go "bareback" with somewhat alarming frequency.

I don't know. Maybe these women you know either: (1) think you're medically "safe" (from being around hospitals?) or (2) want to have more kids, for some obscure reason?


Posted: 28 Sep 21:05

wow, that's sort of scary to me cause I do not believe that any of them had that much knowledge about me initially and I guess I didn't fully consider the "more kids" thing accept for one lady. hmmmm, see each time I meet someone new I am prepared and fully expect that she will want me to wear a condom. I just met someone and now that makes the last three women that I have gotten the condom out and started to open it only to have them stop me and say, "I'm fixed" or "post menopausal" or whatever and would rather you not use that. That's where the debate started before cause some would say I should put it on anyway and say well I only have protected sex and I said yeah right, I am a male raised in the 60's where you took your "signals" from the lady and you went to the farthest base she allowed. I can't imagine declining sex because the lady wanted to go bareback. Though as I noted above I am concerned for and have used condoms primarily for birth control means. This was not a concern with my fiance as she was post child bearing and I wore the extended pleasure condoms for the purpose of further staving off ejaculation so I would put it on and off for me rather than her or us.
I know I don't get these women and at the same time I am loving every minute of it but I have a therapist who keeps "doing the math" and projecting how many sexual partners I have had if you figure each lady may have had five+ partners as a baseline. Then he whips out the STD stats and says that realistically I am destined to be infected with something.


Posted: 28 Sep 21:05

I am 20

Always used condom til a year later my GF got the pill. Before our first intercourse I asked her if she is clean and the reply was she was a virgin so that worked out well. I am definitely pro condom use.

All of my friends use condoms, it might be because of such a good sex education that high schools give now that goes over all the STD's and AID's.


Posted: 28 Sep 21:06

Hi I am 22
Dont use a condom because I have been with my b/f for 7 years
I agree with Niskyspy schools are really starting to educate youth on STDs more. From a womans view it does feel better without a condom.


Posted: 28 Sep 21:06

well thanks. from a man's view it feels better also without a condom. As experience would have it I was married for almost 15 years and my wife's tubes were tied after our second child. We were exclusive sexual partners from age 16-38 and all I knew was sex without a condom.

Being new to dating (or when I was) I thought all women would insist on it...but no. hmmmm. I think with one lady we talked openly about our past sexual partners and our "disease status" but not with the others.

Now update....after the above post I reviewed a bio on the lady I am seeing currently. She is the same age as I, she has four children. In her bio she notes that she is "undecided" on having more children. Oldkinky, you might be onto something and we are meeting to talk tomorrow.


Posted: 28 Sep 21:06

According to research in the journal of Sexually Transmitted Infections, the rates of sexually transmitted infections have doubled among the over 45 population in less than a decade.
The most commonly diagnosed infection among the over 45s was genital warts, accounting for almost half of the episodes. Herpes was the next most common, accounting for almost one in five.
Cases of Chlamydia, herpes, warts, gonorrhea and syphilis all rose sharply.
Women typically have more symptoms than men, and women 35 to 50 have hormonal imbalances and this may trigger outbreaks.
Boomers get tested!
It is important for Baby Boomers to get tested and then be honest with prospective partners.
"Baby boomers don't go into the doctor's office for a herpes test," a blood test is required.
Boomer's get tested!
Only about 30 percent of the people infected, whatever their age group, know that they are infected.
Sexual activity for boomers does not have to stop after a positive diagnosis.
You just have to be straightforward.
Precautions such as condoms or an antiviral gel or lubricant can help lower the chances of transmitting the virus.
Be honest about STDs
You are still the same person you were before the diagnosis.
Don't be a victim, you are not less attractive, less funny, less moral … It shouldn't change your life.
Being honest is imperative.
People are going to be impressed that you are being honest.
They are going to be glad that you had the guts to tell them.

The problem can be attributed to seniors being left out of the conversation involving safe sex.
Sex in nursing homes is more common than ever. The perception among seniors is that having unprotected sex doesn't matter. They don't need birth control, so they don't use condoms. Wrong. Assisted living residences, retirement homes and families are in denial. Behind closed doors or curtains, elder couples are in fact doing it. I'd like senior facilities to work out plans that allow their residents to have intimacy, including sex, in safe, inviting and protected environments.
Experts believe HIV infection rates among older Americans are likely higher than statistics show.
Many of the symptoms of AIDS are often falsely diagnosed because they mimic the natural aging process, symptoms of both may include night sweats, chronic fatigue, weight loss, dementia and swollen lymph nodes.
The key is to educate baby boomers and seniors.
Many seniors are returning to the dating scene after being divorced or widowed, and many aren't aware of the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases and therefore fail to take the proper precautions.
Testing and educating seniors of all ages is a must. We want them happy, healthy and alive."


Posted: 30 Sep 02:30

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