Ok..being a 10+ year practitioner of bd/sm/ds/leather i can tell you that ALOT of people use "safe words" when getting into and exploreing their kinky side.....however, i've found that safe words have one basic flaw - its the word used to STOP things when one person feels the need. This often causes the person who will be using the safe word to be more focused on when to STOP as opposed to focusing on what's being done.
So, i will offer two alternatives:
1) Red, Yellow, Green: The "traffic light" option allows for bothe the DOMINANT and the submissive in the scene to COMMUNICATE in an ongoing basis. So, say you were trying some bondage, and your bf started tying you to the bed, with the traffic light system he can say "give me a color" and you, can say Green, yellow or red. Green means, ITS ALL GOOD..keep going, Yellow means, sometthings just a bit uncomfortable (your fingers are getting numb because one know's a bit too tight). This allows the DOM to make the adjustment and keep going and not breaking the mood. RED LIGHT means - STOP NOW AND UNDO EVERYTHING.
As you can see, this system gives feedback that both can use throught the scene and still not undermine the mood.
2) NUMBER SYSTEM: For me, i like this the most. I tell my submissives that from time to time, i'll ask them to give me a number from 1-10. 1, meaning everything's fine, keep going to 10 - STOP! This really gives a whole spectrum of options to both the DOM and sub. Why? well....as people get more into kink, say, paddling, the feelings change from minute to minute. I may paddle a sub 3 or 4 times and he/she gives an 8 as a number....so i slow down a bit.....ask again and she gives me a 4....then i go again and the same strikging that 5 minutes ago got an 8, now is a 6.!
So, explore...use safe words if thats waht u want and feel comfortable..or....try the TRAFFIC LIGHT or NUMBER system as an alternative.
Posted: 02 Oct 22:01