OP: How much does media distort our views of the other gender....

There is debate on to what extend entertainment influences us. There is no evidence entertainment causes violent behavior, as studies show conflicting results. We do know children learn to distinguish reality from fiction throughout their development. Which is why it's clear some entertainment is more suitable for a child's brain than others. Also; children are still trying to make sense of the world, which makes them copy behavior and attitudes more easily. But; the assumption an adult brain is perfectly capable of distinguish fiction from reality is not true. Studies show viewers do subconsciously gather information from movies. One of the examples: asking people if you could die through suffocation of the skin from being covert in gold paint, it's surprising the majority answers "yes". They directly copied knowledge from 007 Gold Finger. Usually only remembering that's where they got the idea from, when you directly present them with it. Now that's scary...

I've never been into romantic novels, but have seen Titanic. Distorting views? Perhaps. I remember every girl in my class going crazy over Leonardo. 13-year olds, quick &dirty description: the skills of distinguishing reality are not fully developed, they're still greatly prone to influence, not to mention looking for role-models beside their parents. But why would it be that I see less of problem with taking delight in the attitude of "love conquers all", than with taking delight in the attitude of "degrade this woman"? The possible distortion of reality in the latter case would seem of greater concern to me.

Also; I believe with romantic stories, there is a more clear reference to be found in the real world. Because in the real world we do get to see romantic relationships and how people act towards eachother. We don't get to see real sex, until we are together intimately with another willing body. I think the depiction of sex in media could therefor replace the example we'd otherwise encounter in reality, creating less definite distinctions of what's real. This could create unrealistic and unfair expectations of sex, whether romantic or aggressive.

In fact; this distinction between fantasy and reality is further grayed as pornography claims to show "real sex", opposed to romantic movies where people are more consciously aware it's all acting. Whereas the physical penis-vagina-contact in porn is real, the rest of it is just as much not. Yet I'm astonished to see how many times porn is taken as an example at this very forum, also by full-grown adults! Even when other members point out to the poster it would be just as sane to believe people can jump from buildings without a broken bone in their body, still the poster does not believe what's depicted in porn could pose health-risks in real life.

Therefor I hypothesize that pornography could have greater influence and distortion than other depictions of love&sex, particularly on people who are young and have not been sexually involved, but possibly also on adult audiences. Adding the degrading nature of some of this pornographic material, I'd therefor consider it a greater threat to society, than possible and likely less severe distortion created by an overly romantic point of view as depicted in media.

RedRoses

Posted: 06 Oct 01:12

There are many romantic movies, although, I present for your consideration:
"Somewhere In Time" as a romantic story for the ages.

dancingdoc2

Posted: 06 Oct 01:13

I think the problem with romance movies (especially) is that the scope of the event is very hacked into the "good parts" only. With porn, you know that there's only 5 minutes of "story" and the rest is the point of it. You watch porn to watch people fucking.

But with romance books/movies you tend to read/see about long periods of time, but gee they never show the people sitting at a desk job all day, or folding laundry, or scooping cat litter, or trying to fish whatever the fuck your 4 year old dropped in the toilet. No, in those media it's people waking up in a tussled bed, going to work for 15 seconds to answer a call from their lover they just left and then they go to fancy clubs and dinners, and unrealistic trips. All paid for by the magic 15 second career they have.

I would personally love to see a "realistic" love story. Show how the man expresses his love by being a good father, or by the tasks he takes on at home, and yet somehow he makes time for just her. I think too many movies make people think that the unrealistic things are what happiness are supposed to be. I want to see more "appreciating what you have" type movies, but I guess that won't sell as well.

I don't know, I guess as a nice guy I feel left out of the romance movies (which I enjoy actually). Guys are either unrealistic desires, people that ride motorcycles and are dangerous and would be altogether avoided in real life, or they're fat bumbling morons that can't boil water let alone know what goes in a good Gazpacho. I would LOVE a motorcycle to take my lady on too, but I'm a father of 3 young kids and that's not a responsible option for me. And responsible doesn't sell romance movies. :)

Firmus

Posted: 06 Oct 01:13

I think the problem with romance movies (especially) is that the scope of the event is very hacked into the "good parts" only. With porn, you know that there's only 5 minutes of "story" and the rest is the point of it. You watch porn to watch people fucking.

But with romance books/movies you tend to read/see about long periods of time, but gee they never show the people sitting at a desk job all day, or folding laundry, or scooping cat litter, or trying to fish whatever the fuck your 4 year old dropped in the toilet. No, in those media it's people waking up in a tussled bed, going to work for 15 seconds to answer a call from their lover they just left and then they go to fancy clubs and dinners, and unrealistic trips. All paid for by the magic 15 second career they have.

I would personally love to see a "realistic" love story. Show how the man expresses his love by being a good father, or by the tasks he takes on at home, and yet somehow he makes time for just her. I think too many movies make people think that the unrealistic things are what happiness are supposed to be. I want to see more "appreciating what you have" type movies, but I guess that won't sell as well.

I don't know, I guess as a nice guy I feel left out of the romance movies (which I enjoy actually). Guys are either unrealistic desires, people that ride motorcycles and are dangerous and would be altogether avoided in real life, or they're fat bumbling morons that can't boil water let alone know what goes in a good Gazpacho. I would LOVE a motorcycle to take my lady on too, but I'm a father of 3 young kids and that's not a responsible option for me. And responsible doesn't sell romance movies. :)

Firmus

Posted: 06 Oct 01:13

I enjoyed reading that post, dear Firmus :)

Though I would question to what extent that would create expectations that you consider applicable to real life. Since we all see life is in great part about the normal things from a very early age daily. But do the brains of regular audience -consciously or not- realize that those 5 minutes we watch porn, we're actually not watching real people really f*cking? That it should not be taken as expectation or example of real life? Considering my above remarks, I sometimes doubt that...

I definitely agree entertainment creates expectations on entertainment. It even creates a certain movie-language! Which is why we sometimes have trouble understanding movies from other cultures or other times. We're generally not so much fascinated and entertained about what we see every day in our daily life; it has to be something special to draw our attention. But I'm looking through my memory whether there isn't some good Art House movie that depicts something like "appreciating what you have"... I am sure there are those that depict "you should have appreciated what you had and now it's gone" ;) If I some up with a title, I'll post :)

Another thing to consider; we could probably safely say that entertainment in some way mirrors our society. For instance; we find it romantic when the woman is helpless in the movie and needs this knight to save her, yet we find it funny when the guy is the damsel in distress and the woman the hero. This does say something on our views of gender and their "role" in society. Did we learn that from the movie? Most likely; it's the other way around. But; it could be such stereotypes are unconsciously emphasized, though.

RedRoses

Posted: 06 Oct 01:13

OMG - a responsible male!! Your wife had better hang onto you, Firmus, because - after all the romance and dangerousness - you are precisely the guy women are looking for.

Romance movies and books are - escapes for women. You can look up the stats for yourself but I'd venture to say that most of the women who indulge in such escapism not only have an idealized image of relationshsips but also have had more than enough bad relationships, thank you. They then spend their lives seeking what they are not equipped to find and wouldn't recognise if they did find it.

Pornography gives men the idea that sex is all about what's physical: positions, techniques and having the wildest, best looking babe around who, naturally, will cast off her garments at a word and do whatever he wants and enjoy it. Once again, unreal expectations. I know guys refer to these films as "training flicks" but they aren't. They are just another form of escapism and they have similar distorting effects.

All of this assumes that the "user" doesn't have the experience and/or the intelligence to exercise critical judgments. Most teenagers will fit into this category but I have known grown men and women who are also without the wits God gave a maggot.

I do enjoy a quality romance novel from time to time - those by Georgette Heyer are particularly good. But pornography bores me to tears. I rarely watch movies and the love story in Titanic, I thought, was silly. Much more realistic love stories, I've found, are in mysteries. I recall one wherein the detective says "She'll marry and make him what she wants and then will fall in love with him when she has her third child.

But all that having been said, research has shown that what really influences men and women are those years they spent watching their parents and how their parents interacted with eachother for better or for worse.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 06 Oct 01:13

I agree with EEK that it is all escapism. I mean come on Hollywood has even made movies about fwb into romantic comedies. everyone that has sex with someone is likely to fall in love and live happliy ever after right? I do see value in both romance novels and movies though. A guy can pick one or two things out do them to impress her special lady. Same with porn, new positions can be tried out or how to perform certain acts like oral.

When I was younger I never understood why my dad said porn is not real. I understand now because majority is all focused on tbe man. The woman is not warmed up, she is lucky to get a few licks while the guy gets sucked for 5-15 minutes. The woman make annoying moans and intercourse lasts much longer per male orgasm than in real life. A movie I watched about performance enhancers mainly anabolic steroids the guy talked about injecting a substance into his penis to last longer.

I whole heartedly agree that parents are the biggest influence EEK. It is no wonder why so many repeat bad behaviors.

big916

Posted: 06 Oct 01:14

If it comes down to escapism then there are many things besides porn or romantic novels that can used as an escape mechinism.

I watch soap opera's and they are far from romantic, but yes, they allow me to escape because at times I get bored. I used to read a lot of Agatha Christie novels, I loved Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot, although, they were not romances.

I also like to play video games, they too would be considered escapism, as would drinking, drugs, even hobbies can be considered escapism.

Sometimes, I think that porn gives people the idea that every woman likes to masturbate for the camera and doesn't care if the whole world see's it, or that every woman likes sex forcibly with a bunch of men waiting in a line to do her next or that pounding on a woman for hours is what a woman wants.

I have read a few Harlequin romance novels in the past and they seem really cheesy. I feel that they give the idea that every woman wants to be showered with flowers and expensive gifts. While the occasional flowers or gifts are nice, I would think they would be reserved for special times.

I think that the key would be moderation and perspective.

changingmyself

Posted: 06 Oct 01:14

You two are making me blush! :D

But don't worry, I'm sure I do plenty of doofy stuff. Laundry is my biggest handup, as my wife doesn't prescribe to my theory of "survival of the fittest" when deciding how many types of piles of clothes can go together in the wash. She's a whites, darks, towels/undies, delicates, dress-up delicates, pre-treat, dryer, non-dryer, low temp, multi-temp, sanitary setting, Woolite, bleach, and no bleach type of person.

Meanwhile I'm taking all the piles and putting them in at once when she's at the gym, and praying I'm done before she's home so she's none the wiser. :)

Don't get me started on ironing fitted women's shirts, or clothing sizes. I've learned the sizing of women's jeans, and I plan to patent some type of engineering protractor or abacus device to help explain this to other males.

Firmus

Posted: 06 Oct 01:14

Dear Firmus,

While everyone has posted good explanations and good advice on romance, love and sex, all I want to add is that movies are *not* real life depictions, but works of art (or at least some are). Their goal is to tell a story within a certain time frame and thus, reality is sometimes distorted for the sake of getting the story told in an entertaining way and within a time limit of 2 hours (not to mention within a budget, too).
A few really well-made movies get as close to reality as a film can, but sadly, they are the exception and not the rule.
I do not consider porn to be anymore realistic than a romance movie. The only thing real is what happens in your real life. And for the record, I agree with Red Roses.

P.S. Good for you on being a responsible male! They ought to clone you. ;)

pennivelvet

Posted: 06 Oct 01:15