Unfortunately for her, men's main mission in life is, in fact, SEX. That is why we have gender at all and do not reproduce by parthenogenesis. We do the pair-bond thing to ensure the survival of the offspring. YOU are doing what you should. SHE is not. BTW her refusing is another way to emphasize sex.
But she is not frigid. What she has is "control issues". She does not like to lose control at all - and she's done a pretty good job at controlling you. I say only pretty good because you're complaining. If her control was absolute, you'd be happy with what you're getting.
Thus far you have tried everything "nice". Counseling may or may not work. By all means give it a try. But in addition to that, or instead - see how you feel, you could take a page from my playbook and give her more sex than she ever dreamed possible. Just say the hell with it, and swing for the bleachers.
Begin with a massage - gentle at first, then increase the pressure until she's soooo relaxed she's like a puddle of mush. Then turn the massage erotic by adding in body worship and keep it up until she's demanding sex. Do not stop at two orgasm. Keep it up until she has rolling orgasms and has flushed red, broken out in a sweat, and bcome a puddle of protoplasm. Do this frequently and see if she doesn't change her mind.
Posted: 06 Oct 20:01