I've been seeing this guy recently and tomorrow is "the night". But I am practically ****ting bricks. I live in a really sheltered town in Wales and I'm 22. So anyway, this guy is really fit, bi-curious, 19, about 5'11, pretty skinny and smooth, but also notoriously shy and petrified about being outed. He's had sex with girls but he's never done anything with another guy before and, while I have, but never all the way. I've bought condoms and lube ready but I'm clueless about everything else. Is there a way to make anal sex not hurt? I'm scared I'm going to hurt him or put him off. He also said he likes to be dominated. Any tips for that?
I've googled a couple of articles and advice sites but I'd prefer to ask some real people.
There's probably load's more I need to ask but my mind's gone blank! Actually all this was supposed to happen last night, but I got so drunk, as I was walking up to his house I got lost somehow and passed out in someone's garden. By the time I woke up it was 5am and a bit too late for a booty call. I also ended up falling down some steps. I admit I've had better days...
Thanks in advance for any advice that comes my way.
Wayne.
Posted: 30 Sep 06:44
I am not male and have never had a homosexual encounter with a male. Among women, however, we find lesser contact to be useful as a way to get to know one another. There are many ways to please one another without anal penetration. Then you can talk about it.
Brandye
Posted: 30 Sep 06:44
Anal play and intercourse are not the exclusive domain of Gay play. These are activities that anybody can enjoy regardless of sexual orientation. That said, I would not be in a rush to have anal intercourse. Instead, as with any burgeoning relationship, take your time to get to know one another and to work up to more intimate activities over time. Spend plenty of time just making out and then when it seems right, up the ante' and add foreplay. Save intercourse regardless of the means for much later in the relationship.
There are several articles listed in the Index that discuss how to make out, how to have foreplay, how to know and work within boundaries, etc., et cetera, etc. "Making love" which includes having "sex" are pretty standard regardless of the genders involved. When intercourse does seem right, then proceed slowly and deliberately. Please read the article that outlines one approach. It will also answer your concerns about discomfort.
dancingdoc2
Posted: 30 Sep 06:45
There is plenty of info, here and elsewhere on how to approach anal sex. Read up, be informed and go slow. The most important thing is if it hurts, STOP. I assume from your post you intend to top. If that's the case you've got a responsibility to pay very close attention to the signals your getting from him as to comfort level. Lube is incredibly important, as is tons of slow anal massage to get him to relax. But if you insert one or two fingers cut your nails and file them beforehand, or use a latex glove or condom over the fingers. Sharp or jagged nails are a no-no.
Oh, and one more thing . . . . I can understand you're both very anxious about this encounter, but knock off the booze! Not only does it inhibit your ability to make wise choices it can mask the level of pain the bottom is having. It really doesn't mix with this activity.
DVDBear
Posted: 30 Sep 06:45
Looking at the advice you have been given; you are comfortable with your sexuality (being gay) and making advanced attempts to someone who is young, inexperienced sexually, and curious? I would just slow down, seriously. Just get to know each other a bit more intimately before jumping into something the other may not be so comfortable with & end up regretful.
This is not a person who is sexually certain on any levels & a virgin. I also agree easy on alcohol--does not make it for many pleasant experiences.
sera300
Posted: 30 Sep 06:45
Thank you all for helping me and for directing me to the articles, which are surprisingly helpful. I went to other advice sites but found them quite useless and so I decided to hunt down a forum instead, which is why I didn't bother to read them before asking you all. Sorry about that.
But anyway, I really like this guy, we've been seeing each other for about 6 weeks and I told him straight away I wanted to take it slow. So far we've made out and done oral but the past week or so he's been wanting to do anal. I'm all for it but I've been making excuses not to take the next step. Even though he's in the closet and I'm out of it, he's the one that seems to be the most open and adventurous.
On saturday I plucked up the courage to take it all the way. I rang him up and said I was coming over but I had been out drinking with friends and was hammered. I realize now how stupid that was. I guess it was a good thing I never made it there!
He's finishing work soon and I'm meeting him but I'm still in two minds. I want to go all the way just as much as he does but I guess I'm..... scared? I don't know why though! Even when we make out I seem kind of reluctant. But he pushes all my buttons and he's so sweet. I don't know what's going on in my head, it's driving me crazy!
I came to this forum on advice for sex but now I'm not even sure if I can go through with it. I reaaaalllllly want to, but something's holding me back. I guess if it happens, it happens. I'll find out soon anyway.
Thanks again and sorry for the extended rant. In my head it was much shorter :o
Waynie
Posted: 30 Sep 06:45
Well, best of luck and try not to put TOO much importance into it because you're working yourself up for a good case of performance anxiety if you do! ;-) When you actually get to it anal can be a little bit different from what you expect or fantasize it will be. Anyway, as mentioned before take it slow and if things don't come together to do it this time there will be others as your relationship progresses. Plenty of ways to give each other pleasure! :)
DVDBear
Posted: 30 Sep 06:46
Put aside going all the way for awhile. Meantime do some fingering. You can finger and rim (lick) the outside of the anus, and, you can insert a finger up to the first or second knuckle and wiggle it around as well as in and out. If this goes well, seek out his prostate gland and massage when he has reached his peak and is about to climax. Rub it to trigger his climax and then all the while he is orgasming.
Like the prostate gland, the anus (outside as well as inside alongside the sphincter muscles) is extremely sensitive. As noted in at least one of the articles, you can lightly tap it with a finger and rub it, both after your partner has reached his peak and is about to climax. Doing some anal play will help trigger an orgasm and it will make the experience much stronger!
A word of caution: Just bathe before doing any anal playing.
dancingdoc2
Posted: 30 Sep 06:46
