Hi All,
I know this is a common question as I have looked around on the forum. But my situation is a little different.
Over a yr ago I was dating a girl who was in hindsight quite promiscuous . I only had sex with her once. She didnt appear to have herpes (visually) but she tried to initiate sex without a condom (by grabbing my penis and pushing it inside), I pulled out immediately and said Id rather use a condom. So we used a condom (I am aware herpes can spread with or without a condom) in the end.
My most recent ex girlfriend has contacted me and said that I gave her herpes. She is a quite honest girl and did not cheat on me so I have no reason to not believe her as she is quite embarrassed about the whole thing. She hasnt seen a doctor yet but based on the symptoms she thinks she has herpes. I am going to get tested ASAP (hopefully tomorrow). For the record I have only had sex with two girls (both mentioned in this). I have never shown any signs of herpes (...my research also tells me it doesnt always show up visually :eek: )
Its driving me crazy waiting to find out if it was me, im not so much concerned if I have it because it would be my stupid fault for not getting tested after dating a girl who got around so I can wear that. But I am gutted that I may have given it to my ex as we still have feelings for each other and may be getting back together at some stage. I would feel terrible if I have given her something that lasts for a life time. Especially since Im not experiencing anything bad from it, where as she is and will continue to.
So my question is really, in your opinion....how likely is it that I could of contracted herpes? This isnt really a question on fact, I am more asking of the odds so I know whether I should be stressing out as much as I am. Its more to tie me over until I get the results of the test.
Your opinion would be greatly appreciated.
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:07
Let us begin with the obvious fallacy: Condoms are not good protectors against herpes. It may be hidden among the pubic hair or other spots on the upper thighs or lower abdomen in areas not covered by the condom.
You are seeing a doctor so how likely we think it is that you contracted is herpes. You will know by the time you read our responses. Your doctor will give you the odds. We have insufficient data to make educated guesses.
Brandye
Posted: 30 Sep 04:07
A friend of mine has had sex with 3 girls. He always uses condoms. His first girlfriend (and his first time coincidentally) gave him herpes. His current girlfriend, still STI free.
Your "Only slept with two girls" is irrelevant. Sure more partners = higher risk of exposure. But it only takes 1, and it CAN be a hit and miss type deal depending on when you have sex and your outbreaks etc. (not that this can completely prevent the spread but can lessen the odds)
Also, its funny that you mentioned that you guys are thinking about getting back together and such. The guy I mentioned above. His second girlfriend came to him after they split and said "You gave me herpes." We all thought he did, he felt really guilty and got back with her. It wasn't until 3 months later he found out she had it when they first got together. As bad as it may sound, some women (no matter how nice they may seem) will use things to try to keep men. Not "common" but happens...
Like brandye said. There is not enough data to make a "guess". But perhaps these two thoughts can help clear your mind. Or at least help eliminate some "snowballing" thoughts.
Ducy
Posted: 30 Sep 04:07
Well im off to the doctor today and Im guessing I will require a blood test as I have no visual signs. The more I read up on herpes the more I wish I had of looked it up yrs ago so I wasnt so naive (always thought every STD had symtoms no matter what).
Also starting to wonder if she could of already had it and not known. She has been really stressed lately and I wonder if the stress could of caused the virus to activate. But ive been in plenty of stressful situations over the last yr and Ive never experienced anything. Im quite fit and live a healthy lifestyle (would think my immune system should be pretty strong) but im guessing if I my immune system is strong its probably why I have no symptoms.
Also read that people who have no signs of it can only pass it on when viral shedding occurs which apparently only occurs a couple of weeks within a yr....so by that I would have to be extremely unlucky to get it and extremely unlucky to have given it to my most recent ex.
As you can see from the above, I am stressing quite a bit over this. And the funny thing is its not even the fact I may have herpes that makes me this worried, I just feel really bad if I have passed it on to someone. My ex has told me that I shouldnt be so hard on myself since I had no symptoms and could never have known without proper testing....i blame myself because it was my responsibility to get tested after my previous relationship and I didnt. Only time will tell I guess.
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:08
Righto, another update. I have been to the doctor. Basically getting a blood test to find out.
But the doctor said he thought the odds of me giving it to my ex without symptoms was low and the odds of me getting it from a girl who didnt show symptoms was also low. So im crossing my fingers and hoping that what she has isnt herpes.
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:08
Let us hope so.
This is why those who are sexually active with multiple partners use condoms religiously and MUST get tested for STDs/STIs frequently.
If you are REALLY 'generous' then get tested every 6 months.
The rest of us, every year.
You 'serially monogamous' people should get tested after each 'relationship'.
BTW - NEVER lie about or fail to mention your health status.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 30 Sep 04:08
Once again: Condoms are not good protection against herpes! The herpes lesions are usually outside the area - on man or woman - covered by the condom.
Brandye
Posted: 30 Sep 04:08
True, hence the need for testing on a regular basis.
I did not mean to imply otherwise.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 30 Sep 04:09
Well I decided to get tested for everything. I dont want to play games with this so I thought thats the only way to make sure.
Went for the blood test today and will find out on Monday (if my doctor is really pro active I will find out tomorrow afternoon). It sucks that condoms arent effective in protecting people from herpes, I may have to wear a wet suit next time I have sex :P
If I do test positive then I will definitely be sending some flowers and chocolates to my ex...nothing says Sorry I gave you herpes like those two things right? :/
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:09
No. Do not send the items associated with romance/courtship to your ex who now suffers from your hands a life-long disease that will seriously effect her future. IF, it was you who infected her, you have done her a great injury - I did say - IF. All you can do is to apologise.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 30 Sep 04:09
I hope all turns out ok for you, dear OS!
As EEK points out; you'll never know whether it was really you. So try not to make yourself feeling too guilty, if you receive bad news.
I don't know if there was pun intended in your chocolates&flowers-comment? My first thoughts wouldn't be getting my ex something, because whatever I get will then be connected to that moment. And I certainly don't know how your ex interprets such gifts, so EEK could be right. However: neither would primarily make me think of courtship or romance, unless in a heart-shaped-box or fluffy card attached to it ;) Receiving flowers I associate with apologies or cheering me up when ill. So that would probably match your intention, if she thinks alike. If she's on a diet that isn't working, receiving chocolates could make her closer to crying. But perhaps you know chocolates are always welcome to her and bring a smile back on her face. If that's so, I wouldn't hesitate to buy her some. Point being: gifts are tricky business when given in a negative moment in time, so you need to know someone well.
And though it's not your responsibility: Has your ex been tested herself yet? Even if you're clean, she could have it. And even if you have it, she could not. Her symptoms could be indicating something else. You getting tested isn't enough to be sure. She should go to her doctor.
RedRoses
Posted: 30 Sep 04:09
As EEK points out; you'll never know whether it was really you. So try not to make yourself feeling too guilty, if you receive bad news.
I don't know if there was pun intended in your chocolates&flowers-comment? My first thoughts wouldn't be getting my ex something, because whatever I get will then be connected to that moment. And I certainly don't know how your ex interprets such gifts, so EEK could be right. However: neither would primarily make me think of courtship or romance, unless in a heart-shaped-box or fluffy card attached to it ;) Receiving flowers I associate with apologies or cheering me up when ill. So that would probably match your intention, if she thinks alike. If she's on a diet that isn't working, receiving chocolates could make her closer to crying. But perhaps you know chocolates are always welcome to her and bring a smile back on her face. If that's so, I wouldn't hesitate to buy her some. Point being: gifts are tricky business when given in a negative moment in time, so you need to know someone well.
And though it's not your responsibility: Has your ex been tested herself yet? Even if you're clean, she could have it. And even if you have it, she could not. Her symptoms could be indicating something else. You getting tested isn't enough to be sure. She should go to her doctor.[/QUOTE]
Yeah exactly, I had no intention of sending her something romantic. My intention is to send her something that will make her smile....thats the only reaction I want. I dont want a romantic reaction or even a 'oh hes so sweet' reaction, just want to brighten her day. As EvilEvilKitten said me sending her flowers or chocolates wont fix anything and im not naive to that, my intention is purely to make her smile for a moment so that she may forget it for a second.
No she hasnt been tested yet as in the area she lives its hard to get doctors appointments at short notice so she will be going first thing next week. I have told her that i am by no means taking away from the fact it could be all my fault BUT there is possibilities that she may have got it from a previous partner and it has only shown up now and that also she could have something completely different and self diagnosis can be mentally draining.
Also EvilEvilKitten you seem to be very harsh on me in this situation....but please remember I am in the same position as my ex. The only way I could of got it is if one of my previous partners was dishonest with me. Im being as sympathetic as I can be to my ex but im still facing the possibility of having a disease that I wont ever get rid of that I never asked to get.
Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:10
I'm not being harsh, nor is my statement directed solely at you but it important for everyone who is sexually active to be completely aware and up to date about their health status and the ethical implications of not being completely honest with their sexual partners BEFORE they get naked.
Just being CLEAR is all.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 30 Sep 04:10
Yeah I definitely get your point and very greatful for all the replies I have received. I did have the talk with my most recent ex where I told her the girls I had been with and she was aware that my ex before her got around a little bit. My most recent ex has also had more sexual partners then I and she has not been tested (obviously will be next week due to these circumstances). So this situation could of easily gone the other way just bad luck on my behalf I guess.
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:10
Update - I dont have any STDs and either does my most recent ex gf.!!!
Optimus Snake
Posted: 30 Sep 04:11
Congratulations, be more careful going forward!!
Ducy
Posted: 30 Sep 04:11
