OP: Just got BC, My mom was against it...

A very common for prescribing the pill to young women is to control dysmennorhea - difficult periods. Got the hint?

Brandye

Posted: 27 Sep 23:58

> I have been sexually active for just over 3 months now, and I have been thinking about starting birth control for most of it.

During this period has the man/men used a condom?

You have been placing the cart before the horse. Any right thinking individual wanting to have intercourse should be way more concerned about the consequences of unprotected sex than you and others driven by hormones and emotions seem to be. Each of you should be responsible for your own protection and not relying on your partner. If you do not want to become an unwed mother then select a high reliablility form of contraception, FIRST, before engaging in intercourse. Likewise, the man should be looking out for #1 and wearing a condom if he is unprepared for or not yet ready for the responsibility of fatherhood and the likely change to his future that this status will cause.

> I tried to explain that people get it before they start having sex, so that they are prepared, or for other reasons.

The first part of your rationale sets the stage for the eventual liklihood which to your mother means that you are getting ready to have intercourse sooner than later. The second part might have made your case had you continued the explanation. Women often take the pill in order to regulate their body or to minimize period problems. White lie or not, you might still be able to make this case; however, I don't think I would, now, because if you are having intercourse, she probably already know it in her stomach and if not, it won't be too long before she puts all the pieces of your life together and figures it out.

BTW, how old are you?

> I don't think that telling her about my... 'activities' is an option, because...

Your mother and father are (or should be) your rock and soft place to fall. There are probably some things a person does not what to share, yet for many reasons, you should talk to her at least in part about this. Let her know that you plan to be responsible, although given that after three months you were still not using contraception, that might be a stretch.

> well, I can feel a disowning coming on...

And what responsibility do you have with this possibility? So far, your actions, voiced or not, speak loud and clear.

If worse comes to worse, your mother may be very disappointed in your behavior and choices, yet in all liklihood, it would take much more than this to be disowned or disinherited.

It is good that you are finally taking responsibility for your future by using a contraceptive; although until you can put the horses before your cart in other areas of your life by making better decissions sooner, I don't think you are yet ready for sex.

dancingdoc2

Posted: 27 Sep 23:58

I am 18, close to 19, and I have *never* had unprotected sex. I hope I didn't give that impression.

LyingAwake

Posted: 27 Sep 23:58

A 19 yo woman is old enough to be making her own sexual decisions. Your mistake was being too obvious woth your mother. She would have simply ignored little ambiguous signs. She will not overlook anything obvious.

The die is cast. Tell her you have difficult periods or give her time to accept that her little girl is no longer a virgin. 50% of women become sexually active between their 18th and 20th birthdays. On schedule!

Brandye

Posted: 27 Sep 23:58

Well, I wasn't really obvious, but she drew her own conclusions and I admitted it when she brought it up. There is definatly no easy way to go about any of this though.

LyingAwake

Posted: 27 Sep 23:58

That is too bad. Your mother continues to send the message that sex is evil. Careful you do not buy in to this.

Brandye

Posted: 27 Sep 23:59

How did you come up with that?

She said her mother wants her to wait, evidiently until she is married, before having sex. The people that send the message that sex is evil are the ones the turn sex into a twisted perversion, not mothers wishing that their daughters would wait until they are married. Not to mention she is probably worried about disease or becoming a grandmother before her daughter is married. None of this has anything to do with being evil. Rather, she is a concerned mother trying to look after and protect her "little girl."

Yes, ultimately it is her decision as to how she lives her life. However, she is apparently still living at home, so she is still living under their rules and beliefs until such time as she moves out on her own and they are no longer having to support her financially. Then she must choose how to live her life and decide whether or not to follow the guideance of her parents.

If she is old enough and mature enough to be having sex and making those kinds of decisions then she should be mature enough to be honest with her parents and not lie to them when it is discussed. The recommendation to deceive and lie is the only "evil" thing I've seen in this thread so far.

I don't follow this logic either. Are you saying the other 50% are rejects since they are not "on schedule" as you put it?

Just because 50% are sexually active that means she should be sexually active?

That sounds more like something a guy would say to try to get a woman to have sex with him.

Playful1

Posted: 27 Sep 23:59

Just remember that even though at times she may seem to go overboard and being overprotective, it is because she is your mother and she loves you and cares about you. Ultimately she only wants what is best for you and for you to be as safe as possible since you are her daughter. In her eyes, the easiest way for you to be protected from the potential dangers of premarital sex (pregnancy, disease, abuse, being used, etc.) is for you not to have sex until you are married. Plus, she is probably not ready to admit to herself that her little girl has grown up and is now a woman.

Sometimes parents may seem outdated or unrealistic, but a lot of times they know a lot more than we give them credit for knowing. Be honest, not deceitful. Listen to what she has to say. Then you have to make your own decisions based on what you decide is the right thing to do, while realizing that you have to live with the consequences of your actions. That is a part of growing up and becoming an adult.

Playful1

Posted: 28 Sep 00:00

Well, Playful, we appreciate your input. I see several young women each week who are more than a little concerned about unwanted pregnancy. Many of them have mothers who certainly have their best interests at heart but rather than educating their daughters they have made sex sound evil. Having difficulty with a nineteen year old daughter being sexually active is repressive, not protective.

Women (forget sexual abuse) seem to choose to become sexually active in a distribution that resembles a normal curve from about the age of fifteen to about 25. Yes, there are some outlying plots on this curve. Statistically, we conclude that with fifty percent of all women becoming sexually active between their 18th and 20th birthdays, that seems to be sociologically "normal." Therefore, I say she is on schedule. Stated another way, she is with the majority of all women in industrialized countries irrespective of religious or socio-economic or educational factors.

I also said that a 19yo woman should be able to make her own decisions sexually. If she wants to be on the pill, she should have access. By the age of nineteen, parents have instilled the values they have instilled. It is now up to the child - and I do not consider a 19 yo to be a "child" in all meanings of that word.

You and I, Playful, clearly are in disagreement. The bottom line is lying awake is making decisions that she will live with. Our input is, at best, advisory and I choose not to preach.

Brandye

Posted: 28 Sep 00:00