Your concerns are echoed several times a month by others so please do not think you are alone or otherwise unique.
> she was stroking my Penis, but I was having a hard time (excuse the pun) of reaching climax, I seemed to have little feeling in my penis. She was also performing oral sex on me too which usually gets me really going, but still no joy.
How do you define "joy".
I've often say that for one person to help the other achieve his/her orgasm, we must learn to mimic their technique. When you think about it, ever since first learning to masturbate, you quickly began developing a technique of rhythms, motions, and pressures, that have become unique to you and that you rely upon day after day to bring you to the point of an orgasm and beyond. It is this specialization that is unique and specific to each person that I term the "Fine Art" to the basic mechanics involved. It is this Fine Art that must be learned by our partner.
I recommend showing her how you masturbate, and then taking her hand in yours and guiding her movements over several sessions until she learns to mimic your technique. The same holds true for her with you, so, this can be a win-win situation!
Now, think about how you masturbate. Often out of curiosity or bordom, we sometimes vary our technique; however, if we stray too far from what works, either an orgasm will not happen, or if it does, it will be less than expected. This is what is happening to you from the randomness of her movements. With something so important who wants a 50/50 batting average?
Equally important is providing feedback for how you are responding to her caresses, and, for what you may need--now. Feedback is inclusive when masturbating. We sense when to make midcourse corrections and can also modulate our stroking. Not so when someone else is at the "controls". Feedback can be verbal or non-verbal. Verbal cues can be a word or other utterence; non-verbal can be some form of body language like a squeeze of the hand, etc. that the two of you work out to convey specific meanings. Words like "don't stop", "wow", "WOW", "more", "more..more...more", "I like that", or simply a sigh, or "whew" are enough.
Oral stimulation often transports a person to a higher high than that required for an orgasm. Talk about having toes curl, and stretching and wrenching our body, yet more often than not, what happens is that the sensations while extremely pleasurable, are the wrong type to trigger an orgasm. It is possible for a person to bring about an orgasm just from oral stimulation alone, however, this is best and most reliably accomplished by what I refer to as the "dynamic duo"--a combination of mouth and hand. The hand can work on our hotspots while the mouth works on the sensitive surface nerves to peak our arousal.
I am not sure how to address your statement about there being little feeling in your penis. If stroking with a dry hand, it is usually pressure and the stimulation of deep-seated nerves that bring us to the brink. If her hands are lubricated, this will also work, yet so too will just grazing the hand over the surface of the penis. The sensations are different yet both will build our arousal. I suggest working together on this keeping in mind about what I said, above, about what works for you when home alone.
> She feels that it is her problem in not stimulating me and she gets frustrated. I know that it is me and keep reassuring her that we can work the problem out. I have no problem cumming through masturbation.
As you can surmise, this is a couple's thing. The two of you should explore and learn, together, then provide feedback on how each of you is responding to the other person's caresses. Making love is not what we do to one another; rather, it is a partnership in which we work together to do for each other. There is a distinct difference.
> We have incredible foreplay by the way.
Foreplay is all well, good, and necessary; however, it is not the be-all, end-all of making out. From reading posts almost daily on the various forums, I get the sense from teens and to some extent young adults, that making out is either overlooked entirely, or just skimmed over all too quickly. This is just wrong on so many levels. Making out--kissing and caressing is where it's at. While a guy can be up and ready for an orgasm in a matter of minutes, not so for most women. Oh sure, we can all enjoy the proverbial Quickie, yet for most love making, time is required to build passion, tension, anticipation, and sexual tension, particularly for the female of the species. So, if you are breezing past all this making out in order to get to genital and breast play, y'all best back up and smell the roses. Devote no less than half an hour to her needs, more within reason, if you have the time. You will benefit from all this touching, too!
There is more good news, and that is that as the two of you become more comfortable with each other and the circumstances, and gain more experience, your ability to reach have climaxes at her hand will fix itself.
Posted: 23 Sep 05:07