OP: Is it ok to compliment other women after getting married?

If you feel that a compliment is in order and you have no ulterior motives it is perfectly fine especially if you have always complimented people. There are simple honest compliments and there are seductive compliments. I am sure you know what you really mean. I'll be honest. Anytime I compliment a woman who is within the age range that I consider sexually attractive there is a hint of seduction. I know who I can compliment in that way and who not. If you work in a professional business environment I am sure you are also aware of the expediency of manipulating people. Take the manipulative value of compliments into account before throwing them about haphazardly.

dlb

Posted: 04 Oct 23:28

Opening a door to what kind of trouble?

Are you afraid you won't be able to keep up with the conversation on coiffures, la mode et haute-couture (as Firmus suggests)?
Are you scared these women are going to jump your bones just because you say their hair looks nice?
Are you worried just letting your eyes look and your lips speak will make you lose self-control and jump their bones?
Do you fear the wife will be screaming in jealousy just because you compliment a female coworker?
Do you thread your boss will take a simple compliment to a female coworker by a married man as scandalous?
Other?

I'm curious to hear what it is, dear Love 24.

Personally; I think people are way too shy about giving compliments. Some are so not used to it, they even have a hard time receiving. And by that I mean no suck-ups as a strategy for your own benefits. Just honest compliments. I will never compliment when I don't mean it. Whether it's a casual "pretty dress", "nice shoes", "cool T" or work-related like "great work", "smashing results", "been lovely cooperating with you", etc. But I won't hold back from saying it, when I do feel that way. If only because it's amazing to see how you can make a person glow by just a few words :)

I don't discriminate who I compliment or not. Not by gender. Not by marital status. Not by business-hierarchy. Maybe that's easier for me as a single woman. Maybe it's easier in Dutch culture (although I'd say we're a bit too down to earth at times and some other cultures seem more easy on the give&take of kind words :rolleyes:). Sure I've met a person or two who only responded with suspicion. But that's hardly ever. In my experience; both men and women love that bit of honest positive attention. It's what makes the world go round. I make their day by giving them a compliment. They make my day by giving me a smile. And the world has become a bit happier place :)

RedRoses

Posted: 04 Oct 23:28

Dear RR, bless you for a kind soul but haven't you heard about "Sexual Harassment" and "Hostile Workplace"? YES, even compliments can be UNWELCOME in the work place.

Keep it professional.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 04 Oct 23:29

I compliment women all the time. And the issue here is intent. If you are honest and sincere that will come across in the appropriate tone. So ask yourself why are you complimenting someone and as said before would you say the same thing if your spouse was with you OR would you feel comfortable saying to your spouse, "I like her XYZ or she has a pretty blouse/hair style/whatever. That is also a way your spouse knows and sees what you like and just might surprise you by wearing the same thing.

tsk

Posted: 04 Oct 23:29

Thanks, EEK :) And maybe I'm an optimist. But I think that when people show sincere kindness to eachother, it prevents the workplace from going down that slippery road of hostility and instead contribute to a welcoming, positive and healthy work-environment :)

However, I do agree that sadly some people give "compliments" strategically for self-gain and even to purposefully make others feel uncomfortable. Those few bad apples can ruin it for the whole orchard. Sexual harassment is a very creepy and nasty thing. Hard to proof by the victims and can make their jobs (and lives) really miserable. It's just as horrific for someone to be wrongfully accused of it too. Once a workplace is infected with negative, hostile and suspicious attitudes among colleagues, it will make it hard to convey even the most sincere of kindness.

So yes; there are situations when this could back-fire. Which is why I'm curious about the kind of trouble the OP expects.

RedRoses

Posted: 04 Oct 23:29

Unfortunately, RR, compliments can be insincere and hostile as well as merely appear that way.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 04 Oct 23:29

Even if the compliment is sincere, there are those that will take it as sexual harassment anyway just because. Sometimes it's just better to keep things to yourself.

g-dubz

Posted: 04 Oct 23:30

Unless you 'speak womanese" - don't go there.
Appreciate silently.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 04 Oct 23:30

Agreed, it's a very slippery slope and takes some attentiveness, as well as womanese. As a guy myself I've learned all about this. For example, if you compliment shoes you better be prepared to talk wedge heels, T-straps, and sling backs.

The best thing is never say anything you wouldn't say with your new wife with you.

If you want to compliment safe, just agree with other people. Let some other woman make the compliment, then just agree along. This is good for 2-fold, because you a.) have safety in numbers, and b.) aren't the initiator. I personally am a big complimenter, but you definitely have to have the rapport build first.

If you find yourself in a bind, and it happens, where you think you've called out too much attention or whatnot, the best thing to do is segue it into your lovely wife. This usually happens if you have a coworker that fishes for compliments. They will complain that an outfit doesn't look right or their hair is horrible that day (even though to anyone else it's exactly the same every day). So as above, if you toss out an accidental shoe comment, just turn it into a "My Jenny always looks so nice when she wears her new Sperrys" or whatever. As long as you are clear with other people where your focus in life lies you are fine.

Firmus

Posted: 04 Oct 23:30