My pill story (spoiler - it doesn't always work!)
I am 24 years old and living with my BF of 3 years. We just found out yesterday morning that I am pregnant - and we are completely shocked. We were not trying to get pregnant. In fact, I was taking birth control pills and I was religious about taking them correctly, on time and every day. On top of that, my BF has an....umm...male problem, which he was told by his doctors would most likely cause him to have fertility issues. Marraige was always in our future, and we had even talked with each other about how we would handle the eventual fertility issues in the future when we decided we'd be ready for a baby. (We were expecting we'd have to go through fertility treatments or look into adoption.)
So this completely blew us both out of the water. The fact that this baby beat out the birth control pills and beat out his doctors opinion of him being unfertile is something we can't comprehend yet. If you ever believe in fate, or the powers that be, or what have you - this makes me believe that some other higher power wanted us to have this baby.
I have been having stomach problems for the last 6-8 weeks. They have not been your typical "morning sickness" symptoms like nausea and vomiting. Instead I have been dealing with terrible, sharp pains in my stomach and AWFUL heartburn that never goes away. I had no inkling that these could be the signs of early pregnancy...I honestly thought I might have a stomach ulcer or some other stomach condition. Also no one on my side of the family even believes in morning sickness, since none of the females on my side of the family every had any of it during their pregnancies. So I was raised to believe that morning sickness was actually kind of a psychological condition more than a real set of symptoms!
I went to my PCP yesterday to have the stomach problem checked out, and she ran a pregnancy test which is how we found out. I did miss my latest period at the beginning of the month, but the idea of pregnancy did not cross my mind. Actually, I thought my stomach problems were so serious that they might be causing some other underlying condition that would keep my period away (like anemia or something). I was really worried that the PCP was going to tell me there was something serious wrong with me and rush me to the hospital. Come to find out that heartburn and the stomach pains can be a normal symptom of morning sickness....I certainly did not know that. Now I am scheduled to go for my first sonogram and blood tests this week to find out when I concieved & when I am due. Since I was taking birth control the whole time I really have no idea when it could have happened! I don't "feel" pregnant (beyond the stomach problems) and I don't look any different either. I didn't grow up around a lot of pregnant women and don't know much about it, but I always thought that I'd just "know" when I was pregnant somehow. I also thought I'd just start gaining weight and looking pregnant right away...Well, what did I know!
Everything is moving so fast right now and my BF and I feel like we barely have enough time to catch our breath. We have not told our families or anyone else yet, and to be honest we are not really looking forward to doing so...since we are unmarried and this was unplanned I am not expecting them to be overly joyous about it! My head is still spinning.
I wanted to share my story as a cautionary tale to those of who are taking birth control measures and feel that this could never happen to you! My BF and I will survive and even though we are scared, we always knew that if an accident happened we would have a plan and we would raise the child. It is definitely not ideal...and I never thought I'd be dealing with an unplanned pregnancy in my lifetime. But thankfully we did discuss the possibility of a pregnancy, and we came up with an agreement and a plan, a "what-if" plan. We actually had those discussions three years ago when we first started dating and started having sex, because you just never know what will happen...and I am very thankful that we did! However, I have also learned a lot in the last two days - that if you are seriously NOT ready to have a child, under any circumstances, you should be using backup methods of birth control along with your pills (condoms, spermicide, whatever). We did not and never thought we'd even have to. But obviously by far the best method is abstinence. We thought we were safe considering the BCP's and my BF's supposed fertility problems, and here we are expecting a baby! If that doesn't make you believe in some higher power, I don't know what will!
katiebug
Replies:
Thank you for sharing that story. The personal detail can mean so much more to any young woman than all the preaching can. It is especially gratifying that you had discussed these issues well before the event. I wish all women would. You wilol make it through fine because you recognized the possibility and are not completely overwhelmed. So many discount the possibility and are overwhelmed. That is no condition in which to be making decisions.
Even low sperm counts are sperm counts. And even the "theoretical" figures from the pharaceutical companies leave some possibility for pregnancy. You were responsible; you are more ready than most and you have a good attitude. My gue3ss is that you will be a good Mum!
PS: Do not worry about your families. No one expects a cohabiting 24yo to be a virgin and they all know these things happen. You and your b/f and the baby are the only ones who really matter.
You have really matured since your first p[ost nearly three years ago!
Brandye
First Katie congratulations, may you have both a happy and healthy baby. I have a second cousin with a 2 and a half year old little girl that our family would not want to live without. Her mum and dad are getting married next month and she is very excited. This is kinda weird, she's our's on her daddy's side. Her daddy is the middle of 3 boys, his mum unfortunately never got to hold this pink bundle of joy, but she saved her husbands life. His mum, my cousin fought cancer for 3 years and well she knew it was a girl and over the moon. His dad has had 3 heart attacks, a couple of bi-pass surgeries and we thought for sure we were going to lose him first, this was all before my cousins cancer.
Grandpa, loves his little girl. He buys the diapers and every visits drops them off. He retired and moved closer. He has a car seat in his vehicle for whenever pick ups. The look on that man's face as he held her, just a few minutes old, told me that he was going to live. My cousin and him had been married I think 35 years. His saying is this If I knew how much fun grandkids are I would of had them first.
You need to smile, eat right, take your vitamins and relax, it's all going to be much better than you fear.
goof'schik
Katiebug...Congratulations on the news. May not be planned but marriage was discussed and you have resided together.
Realize given his fertility issues, this may be a small window of opportunity to skip heartbreaking fertility & adoption options accompanied with much disappointments.
Parents? Don't concern yourself you may find they may not care for the circumstances such as being unwed; however, all their concerns will be on your happiness, health, your s/o, and the pending grandchild.
sera300
I can vouch for "male problems" not being a child deterrent. I have a varicocele and my doctor told me before I got married that I might have a fertility problem. After getting married and trying to conceive for a year, I was suspecting the doc was right and was mentally preparing myself for a surgery. We saw a fertility specialist and they checked my sperm count - everything was normal. A few weeks later we found out she was pregnant. Two years later, it only took about 6 weeks to get pregnant with our second child. It all comes down to chance and timing - it only takes one sperm in the right place at the right time even if all the rest of them are duds.
Best of luck with your pregnancy! If nothing else at least you have some empirical evidence that your boyfriend's "problem" isn't as serious as the two of you feared.
Visioneer