Living up to his expectations
I have not been a relationship for 2 years, which means I haven't had sex in 2 years. I definitely feel like I'm out of the loop. I'm interested in this guy, and we've even had sex discussions, even though we aren't exclusive or dating. I just feel like I'm not going to live up to any sexual expectations he may have on his mind since I've been out of it. Like I feel awkward on top, the bad gagging experience with Blow Jobs, and most importantly - I don't know if I could ever go on a re-discovery path to finding out the things I don't know with a guy I like. What's wrong with me? Is there anything I can do to nip it in the butt? I feel that I can gain all the knowledge, but you got to have someone to do it on. Ya know? Thanks!
Replies:
Everyone has had their share of feeling insecure or inadequate about their sexual performance. But just because you have doubts about your ability to perform doesn’t mean that others share in that opinion. Has this new guy shared any of these alleged expectations of you, or are you projecting your fears back on to him? It appears that the only thing separating you from enjoying a healthy erotic relationship is how you choose to deal with your negative self image.
By the sound of it, you’re over-intellectualizing the situation. You’re also putting too much emphasis on a ‘less than successful’ experience from the past. Bad sex cannot happen without two people being involved; don’t assume all of the responsibility for a substandard outcome. It could be due to a multitude of things: a lack of chemistry, an inability to communicate what does and doesn’t feel good, or a breakdown in your willingness to develop your skills.
To build up your sex IQ, using a resource like our website will help you immensely. As well, when you work on building up your self esteem, your prospects for better sex go up exponentially. It’s true, not only your mind will be freer to respond to your new partner’s sexual cues; you’ll be putting your best, and most unadulterated, foot forward. That will be the essence of a passionate sex life; your skills will follow.